Sunday, November 23, 2008

Another rant on the 'rents

My mother wrote me a long email last week. It was full of statements like "We have known for a long time that you don't like us." (huh?) and "We hardly heard from you from the time of our visit in February to your visit in August. I used to joke about the T.V. commercial about the mother passing out when her son or daughter called on Mother's Day, saying that I would probably do the same." (OMG, is she Jewish?) and "I sent you emails every week trying to be upbeat but never got responses"(do I need to send them copies of all the emails I sent them) and "We have missed seeing the boys grow but it seemed like the best choice" (best choice???) and "You seem to think that we ignored Noah. It probably seemed that way, but whenever we talk to him you take offence with what we say." (huh?)

And then there was some stuff about me being jealous of my brother and how I need to get over it. And then this bit,

"We happen to be your parents. None of us get to hand select who will be our parents. If we did such a lousy job, move on with your life and make it what you want of it. The past does NOT have to influence your future. Your future is what YOU make of it!!!"

I don't even know what to say to that! It didn't even fit in with the rest of the letter!

It's pretty clear they have had issues with me for quite a while, years even. How sad that it has come to this. I really don't understand why if they have been feeling this way for so long they would wait this long to let it out.

So I replied, very respectfully I might add, to their email with an almost point per point response. I let it sit for a few days, had Rich read it with me, read it probably twenty times myself, and finally tonight I sent it. I have no real idea of what to expect.

I'm not going to sit back and let them shit all over me, but I'm also not trying to bring up any new issues. So much of what she wrote just seemed over the top. Like she's spent way to much time stewing and letting things get bigger and bigger inside her head.

Interesting is that a couple years ago, around the time it seems, according to her email, that the issues started, she stopped taking her antidepressant medication. Coincidence?? Hmmm..

Kind of funny though, is that in this email and one she sent two weeks ago to Rich, she talks about us being their for Christmas. I'm not even sure how to answer that one nicely, so I didn't.

Someone please keep reminding me that I'm 40 and not 14, OK??



  1. Well - the future is what you make of it - yes...but the past is a great contributor to the way we choose to live the future.

    Maybe you should rain down philosophy on her? Couldn't hurt, right? Nature vs. Nurture and all that good stuff.

  2. I'm sorry, dude. I can only imagine how you're feeling now.

  3. I am having issues with sister. We have not had a knock-down, drag-out fight, just a series of misunderstandings and unfortunate e-mails. She has in the past questioned my parenting style and said unkind things about my daughter. Here's the thing if she was a friend, I would dump her in a second after just saying one of those things. But as she is family and my mother would be heartbroken, I have created a relationship that I can deal with: I don't call her and chat, I don't ask for favors, I see her only on birthday dinners, vacations, and holiday events. It works for me. My middle daghter would like to see her cousins mor, but I don't want to put myself out there for my sister to criticize.

  4. I honestly don't even know what to say to all that. What does your therapist think about this?