And still, it is their loss.

I was sorting through some papers today and I came across the letter that my mother wrote in March. You know, the three typewritten pages full of how awful I am and what a shitty mother I am. Yeah, much love. I stupidly read the letter again today, just to see if it was really as awful as I remembered it. And yes, It was.

There has been no real contact since then, except for cards and flowers sent for birthdays, Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Dad got a cactus for Fathers Day. I wonder if he got the significance. Probably not. The cards include art work from the boys.

My mom sent a type written thank you note for the mothers day flowers. A couple weeks ago a box arrived with Noah's name on it and it was full of buckets and other cheap sand toys. They did send some stuff for Easter as well, like a bag of plastic eggs that needed to be filled with candy and some scary ass stuffed animals. They hang out at WalMart a lot it seems, now that one made it to Fowlerville.

So yeah, I read the letter, and I chuckled a bit. I've had time to process the ridiculousness of it. I do a lot of eye rolling when I think of it.

Yes, part of me still wants to respond to their crazy accusations and revisionist history. But, I know there is truly no point. They aren't going to change how they view our relationship.

So what we have here is a non-relationship. I am now the un-daughter and I'm getting more and more comfortable with it.

All my commitments to them were done in June once Fathers Day was over. Now I have no obligations to them until Christmas.

That is a huge relief!

It's a relief not having to make the weekly phone call, or respond to my mothers two sentence emails with the expected paragraphs.

It's a relief not having to try and explain Noah, his latest diagnosis, or treatment, or why he is at summer camp with a TSS.

It's a HUGE relief that we don't have to make the trip to visit them in Michigan, and that I don't have to put up with them in our house if they visit us here.

I'm still sad with the concept of what is going on - that we have no real contact with my family. It's a strange thing for me. But it is also very freeing.

I'm just sad that it seems I'm losing my brother and sister in law in all of this. I saw my sister was online on yahoo mail a couple weeks ago and I tried to talk to her. She answered me and we spoke for about 2 minutes, then she had to leave. I haven't seen her pop up since, so I'm assuming she has blocked me. Not surprising though that they would take the path my parents are on. I've always been the strange older sister to them too.

Fanning the flames of the dysfunction.

I was at Target yesterday picking up a yoga mat for the yoga class I'm starting tonight.* I walked by the card section and figured I should pick up mothers day cards while I was thinking of it.

If you've read my blog the last several months you shouldn't be surprised to hear me say that picking out a mothers day card for my own mother was not easy. There was no way I was going to get her one of those flowers, you are so wonderful, I'm so lucky to have you, I love you, blah, blah, blah kinda cards.

I perused the cards, I muttered to myself about the lack of appropriate passive-aggressive cards for dysfunctional families like mine. I started to get a little depressed.

And then I found it. The perfect card. Tasteful graphics, simple, to the point.

On the front of the card it shows a tree. At the top it says "To mom on mothers day"

Under the tree it says "They say the nut doesn't fall far from the tree..."

Inside it says "and that scares the hell out of me."

Am fairly certain my mother will NOT see the humor in it.

Am almost as certain that I DON'T fucking care! Well, at least not enough to not send it.

Am also certain that I'm not nearly as mature as I should be.


*Tell me this isn't the greatest name for a yoga class "You don't have to be teeny to be a yogini," also know as "yoga for round people."