Sunday, January 31, 2010

Suave Kids Wash Them Grow Sweepstakes

Don't forget to go here and enter my business card giveaway! They'd make great "mommy cards" or blog cards too! 
Or here to enter to win a $50 Safeway gift card! 


All kids need a chance to play in the mud.
And then they need a chance to play in the tub.
And show off how fierce they can be!

After the mud, Suave Kids helps them get clean with their great products, which are all ophthalmologist-tested and tear-free

MomSelect and Suave recently sent me the following products to try with the boys:

* Suave Kids Berry Body Wash (perfect for bath time fun!)
* Suave Kids Strawberry Body Wash (perfect for bath time fun!)
* Suave Kids Free and Gentle Body Wash (dye free and won't irritate your child's skin!)
* Suave Kids Moisturizing Body Wash (perfect for moms transitioning away from baby body wash)

Noah was very excited to help me test these out! His favorite is Berry. I think I like Strawberry the best. Both boys love all the bubbles they make!

Suave Kids® is currently promoting their Wash Them Grow campaign, which encourages you to recognize your child's bath time routine as an opportunity to teach, nurture and transition your child through the stages of growth and cleansing.  When your child washes with Suave® Kids, you'll experience the joy of milestone bath time moments with every single fun-loving splash, no matter what the stage of childhood.

Check out the Suave Kids® Wash Them Grow Sweepstakes for chances to win awesome weekly prizes of a Family e-Keepsake Kit (that includes a video camera, laptop and digital camera) and the Grand Prize of a family vacation to Orlando!  Simply head over to to play a fun online trivia game and receive an automatic entry into the Suave Kids® Wash Them Grow Sweepstakes. You can enter daily until February 22 and literally watch your baby grow online as you progress through the milestones of clean!

If I'm the MomSelect blogger who drives the most traffic to the sweepstakes I will win a year’s supply of Suave Kids® products and a $100 gift card to Build-A-Bear Workshop – and I’ll get to choose 10 of my readers to each win the same fantastic prize!

Product was provided to me from Mom Select and Suave for my review.


Win 500 custom business cards from! - ended

 **********************And the winner is comment number 9, Cassandra!***************
Please contact me ASAP with your email address so I can arrange for you to receive your business cards! is offering another giveaway on MNT! One of my readers is going to win 500 free business cards. You design them, they print them!

Last summer I used's print online service to do my business cards for BlogHer '09. I received lots of compliments.

Here are the details:

500 Business Cards for One (1) Winner

Sizes: 2 x 3.5”, 2 x 3”, 2 x 2” (square card) or 1.5 x 3.5” (skinny card)

Paper: 14 pt gloss, 14 pt matte or 13 pt recycled uncoated cardstock

Specifications: Full Color Both Sides; Offset Press; 3 Business Day Printing

Shipping: FREE UPS Ground Shipping

Eligibility: Limited to US Residents only

To enter all you need to do is leave a comment on this blog post! 

For extra entries tweet about this giveaway on Twitter with a link back to this post. You can tweet once a day. Make sure you come back here and leave a comment on this post each time.

Don't forget to include your email address in the comment. I know you have to include it to publish the comment, but unless it is actually within the body of the comment or you have email enabled on your Blogger profile I can't see it. 

You have until midnight on Friday February 12, 2010 to enter. I'll announce the winner that weekend.  Again, don't forget to leave your email so I can contact you! 

If you don't win but you would like to buy cards of your own, or any other product from look over to the left and click on the ad. I get a little bonus too if you click through and buy something. Therapy is expensive...just saying. ;)

In the interest of full disclosure: is a sponsor of MNT and I am receiving a blogger appreciation gift of my own as a thank you for running this giveaway. They would not be a sponsor of my blog if I wasn't very happy with my experiences with them so far and super satisfied with the products I have received from them.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

More discussion of The Frankenvulva

If you haven't noticed already, I rewrote the original "Let's talk about my vagina post." I felt it needed some cleaning up and a little more clarification. If you have a chance go back and check it out and let me know what you think. I'm considering submitting it to a few things so I would love some feedback from you guys before I do that.

The question was asked as to what the doctor will do to fix all of this. He was a little short on the details during that visit but promised me more when we meet prior to surgery. Of course I will have it all researched well before then.

Basically he will do some sort of sling procedure to put my bladder back in the right place and keep it up there. As for the rectocele I imagine he'll be repairing the tissue between my rectum and vaginal wall so my rectum isn't trying to push itself out through my vagina anymore. The uterine prolapse is relatively minor apparently and I'm not clear yet on how he puts it back in place. Of course the first question they ask is how much do you really want to keep your uterus. To which I say I'm really rather fond of it, thank you very much. The actual frankenvulva repair is the more cosmetic surgery stuff. I assume they will essentially recreate the epesiotomy so they have fresh tissue to sew back together.

I do know I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than ten pounds for six weeks after the surgery. How I'm supposed to do that with a two year old could be tricky, but we'll figure it out.

The doctor said it is done under spinal anesthesia, so I guess I'll be awake. Maybe they'll let me watch! Hmmm...I wonder if I can take in pictures of other women's bits and show him what I'd like to look like? I'm seriously considering asking for a hoodectomy. I would love to talk to someone who has had that done. If you know of anyone would you ask them to drop by and tell me about it?


Update on the co-sleeping

We may have encountered a slight bump in the road in our co-sleeping arrangement.

Kiel has discovered the delights of watching TV in bed. Which is just another reason I can claim that it doesn't take genetics to make him my child.

When we first started this arrangement Kiel was starting out the night in the pack 'n play in our room, where he has been sleeping since he was about nine months old. Inevitably he would end up in our bed around 4am.

One of the reasons we never moved Kiel into his own room is because his room shares a wall with Noah's room, and if it isn't Kiel crying in the night waking up Noah, it's Noah the Rooster waking up at his usual 5:30am. Either one turns into a nightmare. If Kiel is crying in his room it wakes up Noah, who is an incredibly light sleeper. And when Noah wakes up at 4am he is awake for the day. And the boy is manic that early in the morning. It makes for a shit-tastic day for everyone. If it is Noah who wakes up first, even though he's not allowed out of his room that early, keeping him quiet while he is in there is pretty much impossible.

Not that I really need to explain to anyone why we have made this decision, but in case anyone wondered, it isn't all about me needing to cling on to mah bay-bee as long as I can. Although I do plan on clinging on to mah bay-bee as long as I can.


The first couple nights that Kiel started out the night sleeping in our bed he realized he could get out of it and would come and find us downstairs.

It is actually pretty damn cute. We hear the thump as he gets out of bed, then the pitter-patter of his little feet making their way to the stairs. And then one little thump after another as his bottom hits each step as he slides down. Slowly. One step at a time. Sometimes it takes him two or three minutes to make it all the way.

And then he sits on the step just above where he can see us, and waits. Every couple minutes peeking around the wall to see if we know he is there, with his "I'm so fucking cute and I know I'm getting away with murder" smile.

I seriously can't even look at him when he does this because it cracks me up.

But this week, as I said, he learned the joy of watching TV in bed. So now, instead of him waking up and coming down to us, we go up to go to sleep and find him sitting up in bed watching Noggin. All propped up by the pillows. Sometimes with the cat asleep next to him. Like the fucking King of Sheba.

Tonight, Rich and I went to see a movie and the baby sitter said she only heard him once, but he calmed right down. Well yup, he did. Because when we got home and went to check on him, there he was, happy as could be, sitting up in bed watching Dragon Tails.

So Rich and I both got in bed with him and cuddled him, which is another post entirely.*

Finally, he fell asleep and Rich and I decided we wanted to do a little cuddling of our own. We quietly extricated ourselves (and our ear lobes) to the bed in Kiel's "someday he'll sleep in there" bedroom.

After we finished "cuddling" we went back into our bedroom. And guess what we found?

Yup. Kiel sitting up in bed watching TV. With that most adorable shit eating grin on his face.

The TV is now unplugged. Because, yes, we are smarter than a two year old.

* Although I will tell you the cutest part of it. He lay in bed between us holding on to one of Rich's earlobes with his right hand, and one of my earlobes with his left hand. The boy has a thing for lobes.


Friday, January 22, 2010

Let's talk about my vagina, shall we?

I like to keep it real on MNT. And I figure if you can't talk about your cooter among friends...well...

I recently had an appointment with a urogynecologist about the misbehaving lady bits.

It was an interesting appointment.

The exam chair was Teh Awesome!

That puppy moved up, and it moved down. It tilted backwards and it tilted forwards. My imagination was working overtime when I was sitting on it. And then when The Doctor sat on his chair in front of me the possibilities were almost overwhelming! But I digress...

Before The Doctor saw me, the nurse made me pee in "The Pot.”

That is no coffee can folks. That is one super-fancy pot that measures how hard, fast or slow your tinkle is, and then graphs it all out for everyone to see. I was able to watch it in real time. I tried my best to draw a pretty tinkle graph, but quickly learned I'm going to need more practice in the art of Decorative Tinkle Graphing.

After I played in the chair and pissed in the pot The Doctor came in to do his thing. He did a lot of measuring of the lady parts, inside and out. Every orifice down there was well examined.

After I was poked and prodded and measured, I sat in the waiting area with a bunch of old women and their husbands. Those lucky old couples got quite an earful when The Doctor took me in to the consultation room, which is right off the waiting area. At least half of the conversation was about Teh Sex and how the falling bits and bulging things and the peeing are just not conducive to Teh Exciting Sex Life.  I figured if The Doctor is going to be down there manipulating things around he might as well do what he can to improve the old orgasm potential. I'd be crazy to not ask, right?

The Doctor drew some pictures for me. Its clear why he's a surgeon and not an artist. Despite his lack of artistic talent, I recognized the parts.

And I knew what he was going to tell me.

What I have suspected for months is now official.

I have The Frankenvulva.
Make yourself comfortable friends; I have a story to tell.

I was 42 weeks pregnant and finally the little monster angel decided to make his appearance.  But something was holding him back. So the kind doctor pulled out a medieval instrument of torture called The Forceps to help him along.

Let me explain:
To use The Forceps, they fillet the laboring mother open from her vagina to her asshole (they call this The Episiotomy). It's a bit like having a zipper put in; a rather bizarre flesh zipper, but a zipper no less. They "unzip" the area far enough to get the The Forceps in and then the baby's head out. Then they spend an hour or three zipping (stitching) it back up.

This leaves the mother in a very vulnerable state, yet no one really tells her before she has a baby just how painful it is after the baby is born. And for how long!

They also don't pound it into her head that she is not 20 years old and also, is not super woman.

Even if she is told, she doesn't remember that she shouldn't do anything but sleep, eat and take care of the baby.  

Seriously new mothers, fuck the vacuuming.  Because if you don't, you'll end up like me with a zipper that unzipped itself half-way down while you were trying to take your first shit, and then refused to zip itself back up.

How's that for a visual?

But all of that? All of that is only the cosmetic part of The Frankenvulva. The Frankenvulva is actually an entire family of messed up gynecological misfits.
Let me introduce you to The Frankenvulva family.

First we have Prolapsed Uterus. She's a bit of an attention whore and is constantly trying to make appearances when and where she isn't wanted.  

Prolapsed Uterus has a brother called Rectocele who occasionally visits My Vagina. Rectocele is a real pain in the ass.

Prolapsed Uterus and Rectocele have a cousin, Stress Incontinence, who resides in My Bladder. Stress Incontinence is very unreliable and often moody. In fact, he is downright pissy. It's believed that he suffers from a poor support system.

Now, My Bladder used to be a nice, reliable part of My Pelvis. It wasn't big, and it wasn't fancy, but it was the kind of place you could count on. Unfortunately, over time things started to slide downhill in My Bladder. (Personally, I think the Republicans moved in and put a stop to all the supporting connective tissue that was keeping it stable. One of those "can't see the forest for the trees kind of things." They felt it was too "big pelvis" and since they couldn't see how it directly benefited them...well, you know those Republicans.)

And that, my friends, is when Stress Incontinence moved in. And let me tell you, he is an intolerant fool. He especially has it in for Coughing, Sneezing, Jumping, Running, and anything even remotely related to Exercise. He's a vindictive son of a bitch and takes joy in pissing everyone off. Literally.
I go back soon for bladder function testing. Yeah, more chair time! And then we'll schedule a surgery date to attempt to evict The Frankenvulva family from My Pelvis.


Friday, January 08, 2010

The view from down there is somethin' alright!

I came home last night sweating like a mofo glistening  from our promotional workout in karate (I'm an orange belt now - yeah me!) So I headed right to the shower to clean up. I also needed to do a little grooming since I have an appointment here today to see what can be down about the falling lady bits. I was afraid I'd be too sore/stiff this morning to do the necessary bending and twisting to reach the right areas (and I was so right - because yowzers am I stiff this morning). Let me just say there was a lot of bending and twisting going on both during the workout and in the shower and leave it at that.

So there I am in the shower and I see Kiel carefully watching me do my thing. He likes to pretend to shave with Rich in the mornings so I'm sure the places I was hitting with the razor were a little confusing for him. (I can't wait to hear what he does with his pretend razor the next time he shaves with Rich.)

I finish my shower and get out and dry off. I'm standing in front of the sink, nekkid, putting on deodorant and I see in the mirror that Kiel is crouched down behind me.

Not only is he crouched down behind me (very close mind you), but he's looking up with a very perplexed look on his face.

And for the first time since I started to worry about his speech delay I was a tiny bit relieved that he's not talking yet. Because I can only imagine what he would have to say about the view from down there.


Thursday, January 07, 2010

That post in which I admit there is some bed hoppin' going on.

I'm almost afraid to admit this due to the reaction that I've received from a few people in the past, but damn it, we are about honesty on MNT, right?

So here I go, I'm just going to come out with it.

*deep breath*

Those of us in the MNT household aren't always known for sleeping in their assigned beds.

Wow! It felt really good to get that out there!


OK, in all honesty,  its really Kiel and myself that have the bed hopping problem.

Just like Noah, Kiel has his own room. Right now it has a very nice crib in it and a double bed.

His room is my favorite room in the house. I love the soft green color we painted it (darker on the bottom with a white chair rail), and because of a little "oops" with someones big foot and a half-full paint can that I may or may not have been responsible for not putting the lid back on tightly, we have a gorgeous wood floor in there too.

It's a very peaceful room, and I like to go in there in the evening and read until I'm ready to go to sleep. Sometimes I fall asleep in there while I'm reading. Sometimes if the insomnia has a particularly strong hold on me I'll move from my room to Kiel's room for a change of scenery. And sometimes Rich's snoring is just so obnoxious loud I go into Kiel's room out of self preservation because going to prison for the rest of my life for manslaughter doesn't really appeal to me where it is quiet.

Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking "but what about Kiel? Isn't that disturbing him?"

To which I answer?

bwah ha ha ha ha

No seriously.

bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Like Kiel has ever actually slept in his room at night. Don't even ask about the crib.*

Kiel has always slept best when Rich or I are holding him. From day one he has wanted that physical contact with someone he loves and trusts.

And I completely understand that! I never feel safer than when Rich is holding me. It's just the drooling (yes mine if we are being honest) and snoring, and the heat from that sexy furnace that I married, that keep me from sleeping on top of him too.

So all of this is leading up to my admission that Kiel sleeps with us, in our room.


As of recently, in our bed.

I know! The horrors. We are terrible parents.

We've been warned -  He'll never leave. We'll never sleep by ourselves again. Rich and I will never have The Sex again. Kiel will never learn to sleep by himself. Etc., etc., etc.

But you know what? Kiel is happy. And he sleeps better.

And you know what else? Rich and I are happy as well. And WE sleep better, even if it does sometimes mean I wake up to a foot by my head.

It feels good to know we can give Kiel this comfort. We know he won't sleep with us forever. Some day he's going to want the privacy of his own room. Some day he is going to be too big, too grown up, to want to be with us like that. I'm not saying I'll ever let him stop being my baby, but I know that some day he won't want to be.

Until then if letting him sleep with us gives him the security** he needs, and all of us the sleep we need, there is room in our bed for him.***

Sometimes I think that in the craziness and uncertainty of parenting, that we forget that Mommy's and Daddy's can make magic. And there is nothing more powerful than the magic of a parent's love and understanding. And acceptance.

*I occasionally put him in it for a nap. And I only do that because clearly I enjoy torturing him. He hates it that much. Yesterday he beat me at my own game. He mastered the art of climbing out of the crib. There is now nothing the monkey can't climb out of.

**I strongly regret that we didn't let Noah sleep with us when we first brought him home from the orphanage. I think that would have helped immensely with his attachment and teaching him to trust us.

***There is not however room in our bed for him AND that freaking talking playschool bus he wanted to sleep with last night.


Tuesday, January 05, 2010

He has a point

Kiel pooped while I was waiting for Noah's bus to bring him home. I have to be physically present for them to let him off the bus so I didn't change Kiel's diaper until Noah was actually in the house.

Noah walked in the door and immediately said "yuck, something stinks."

"Yeah, I know, Kiel pooped but I was waiting for you to get home before I changed him."

Noah looked a little perplexed and said "why? so I could smell it too?"