O.M.G. Guess what I forgot to mention yesterday.

So yesterday I wrote this long and probably rambling post about Noah and taking the PSSA and wanting to make a statement but not using him to do it and then how The New Psychiatrist (TNP) doesn't get me at all. But I forgot to tell you this!

In our conversation, TNP not only told me to not waste my energy on fighting for Noah, but she also told me to take that energy and put it on my other child, who isn't getting enough attention.

Yes. She. Did.

And the only way I can take that after pondering and twisting it around in my noggin, is that she was implying we are neglecting Kiel.

Or maybe just that we don't give him as much attention as we do Noah.

Almost the same thing right? At least to a super sensitive mom it is.

I did not react to it when she said it. I calmly filed it away and then bitched about it to Rich when I got home.

I think that saying anything to her about it is just going to make me sound defensive. There really is no point.

She isn't here. She doesn't see what really goes on in our home. She has only met Kiel once.

Do I wish I was able to spend more time just with him? Yes, I do. Do I wish there were more chances to take him places without Noah? Yes, I do.

Do I think he is neglected? Hell no! Do I think he doesn't get enough attention? No, not really. Do I think the fact that he gets less alone time with us than Noah did is much different than any second child. No, probably not.


Ughhh.

I do think her intentions are good, but damn, her delivery sucks.

The elephant in the room.

Literally. There is an elephant in the room.

And apparently it is ME.

According to Noah's psychiatrist (TNP) anyway.

OMG I say. I had no idea! I had no idea I am fat and need to lose weight!

Thank god we are paying her the big bucks, right?

Ummmphhh....I'm so frustrated after our appointment with her today. It's only the second time Rich and I have had an appointment with just the two of us. I scheduled it a couple weeks ago because I wanted to talk about how Noah is doing at school, and what else we should be trying to get for him as far as services. I also wanted to get her feelings on Noah now that she has been seeing him for several months.

At our appointment last week I told her what I hoped we could discuss, since our time was limited.

So guess what we discussed today?

OK, I know. I gave it away in the beginning. 

Yes, we discussed that I am fat. Huge. And I need to lose weight.

My weight, exercise, and her "suggestion" that Rich and I take an hour lunch break one day a week to have a "walking date" was what we spent 3/4 of the session on.

She wants Rich and I to meet once a week at lunch for a walking date. Great idea. Really, it would be, if I had the time to take an hour for lunch, and Rich had time to take two hours, considering he'd have to add in travel time to get to me. Hell, I don't even take a lunch. I take on close to a full time load of projects and do it in 24 hours a week. When I am only in the office six hours a day, four days a week, there is no time to take lunch.

TNP wasn't taking excuses.

Finally I let my frustration show. I asked her why we were focusing so much on me and my weight. That obviously I know I have a weight problem. That I have always had a weight problem. That I have issues that I am not going to spend time discussing with her. 

I asked why we were spending so much time on this when we had bigger problems, like the level of aggression and anger in our house, or that Noah can barely read. That I had hoped we would get some ideas of where we are headed now.

TNP told me that I was not directing the session, she was. 

I guess I am the "bigger" problem.

We did discuss a few other less "weighty" issues. Like Noah's need for daily exercise (duh). That swimming would be ideal for him and we should find a non-competitive swim team for him (already discussed at least twice with her). That he may need a "special school" (again, mentioned several times before, but never with any suggestions for what school).

I told her we were looking for her to give us ideas. To help us find a path to travel with Noah. 

She told us that wasn't going to happen. She isn't going to hand me a paper with a road map on it.

She said she considers it progress because he has not been hospitalized or been put in residential treatment.

I call bullshit on that. BULLSHIT! I refuse to accept that as a measure of success. She does not know me at all if she thinks I won't do everything in my power to make sure neither of those things happen to Noah unless we have absolutely no choice. And that would only be because we can't keep him or Kiel safe.

I'm frustrated. 

I don't know where to go from here. TNP came so highly recommended, by a number of professionals that work with or have worked with Noah. She is extremely intelligent. She is highly qualified to do what she does and her practice specializes in complex children.

 

She should be perfect for Noah. 

I just don't think that I should be leaving appointments with her feeling like I need to go to my own therapist to decompress. Seriously, I leave there in tears at least half the time. 

*Just to be clear, what she said is true. I do have a weight problem that I need to deal with. However, I take issue with how she presented it, and that it monopolized the time we had set aside to discuss Noah. You know, her patient.

Thank you Ma'am, may I have another?

I'm not exactly sure where it was, or how it came about, but somewhere along the path of growing up I found that I can not stay silent when I think something is wrong or unjust. Unfortunately, at the same time I fixed that characteristic within me, I didn't affix a thick skin along with it. 

And that makes for an occasional rough time emotionally, when I find myself taking a stand and someone with a louder, meaner voice gets in my face over it. 


As it turns out, my what I still consider to be clever address labels for the questionably run fund raiser resulted in Rich and myself receiving a verbal spanking by Noah's elementary school principal on Thursday.

Imagine, 42 years old and reprimanded by the principal for the first time in my life.

As it turns out Noah's principal, Mrs. R. doesn't appear to have a sense of humor, as she took those labels quite personally. That came as a bit of a surprise to me actually, as she is not exactly one of those "warm fuzzy" people, and certainly doesn't present herself as vulnerable. 


Unfortunately, this verbal lashing took place right after an hour meeting with Noah's teachers, the guidance counselor, his aid, and the principal (nine of us in total). During that meeting I did a presentation on attachment disorder and how and why I felt that was the umbrella under which Noah and all his other behavioral and emotional issues fall. 


I rocked that presentation, if I do say so myself. As the meeting was breaking up I felt I had accomplished exactly what I set out to do, which was take charge of the meeting, educate the people that work with Noah, and emotionally draw them in so they connected and feel for him as the wounded child he is, despite how he pushes them away. The presentation itself deserves a post dedicated solely to it, so I'll leave further explanation to another time. 


It's very unfortunate that this presentation coincided with my taking a stand against the intimidation tactics of this fundraiser. I felt a coolness towards me by the principal going in to the conference room. I certainly assumed that by then she was aware of the statement I made with those address labels. 


I knew sending them in on Monday that the timing sucked. I in no way anticipated just how pissed off the principal would be. 


Or the tactics she would use to express her anger.


After asking the remaining people in the room to leave so she could talk to us alone, she went into a speech about how Noah receives more from the school than most of the children there. And that the Home and School Association is paying for something special for his emotional support class that none of the other children get (it's a bit of a long story, but in a nutshell I knew exactly what she was talking about and have been privy to the inside story, so I know that it isn't quite as she presented it - Mommy's connected too you know). It was very much presented in a "you should be ashamed for not bowing down and doing anything that I or the H&SA asks" way. 


But then the kicker was when she said it hurt her to see those labels. 


Of course my first reaction was "oh shit, I hurt someones feelings" because I genuinely feel bad if I realize I have done that. 


I stayed calm and nodded, and said that I certainly had no intention of hurting any ones feelings, but I was making a statement. Like duh!

I attempted to explain that I had serious issues with giving names and addresses of family and friends, and that I am not comfortable asking people to support my son's school when they have their own kids school to support. And I told her that I had discussed my concerns via email with Noah's teacher.

I told her that at the time I made a conscious decision to focus my energy, emotions and time on preparing for the presentation (did I mention it was a 50 slide Power Point presentation?) and that I chose not to take on the H&SA or her directly, but that I felt my choice of names and addresses would make it clear. She told me that putting together that address list obviously took a lot of time. (Which it actually didn't considering the school boards names and addresses are all in one place on the district website and googling the other addresses barely took any more time than if I was looking up someone in my personal address book.)

I tried to convey that I felt the tactic being used was emotional intimidation and an adult form of bullying, and that it was unfair to punish the children.

She responded by saying that the teachers would never let one of the students not qualify the class for the party, that they would provide addresses themselves. And that she is even sending one to one of her former secretaries. Well first, that's awesome of the teachers, but really? How was I to know that? And I'm not even sure what kind of message that sends. And as for sending to her former secretary? Ummm...the point?

I'm guessing the conversation lasted about 15 minutes. There was no resolution. But I did cry at the end, yeah me. *ugh*

She told me they would not be using the labels. I'm actually not sure if I should be pissed about that or not. I think its a bit short-sighted on their part. Who knows, one of those people might actually appreciate the chutzpah of a 2nd grader and send in a check. I can 100% guarantee they have a greater chance of getting money from that list than they do if I actually did put family members on there. Also, the school board members are elected, so don't they essentially work for me? And I seriously wonder if they are aware of this fund raiser and the the pressure that is being applied to the parents.

I told her that I hope this doesn't effect how she treats Noah in the future, and that just offended her even more. 

I truly believe that had I not just spent an emotional hour presenting as I did, and two weeks working on the presentation leading up to it, that I probably could have at least come close to taking her on verbally. By then though I had reached my limit, and the waterworks started.


Rich and I walked out and I tried to joke about how well I "make friends and influence people." 


He took his car and went to get Kiel and I took my car and went to the park and cried for half an hour. 


But now I've had time to calm down and think about it all and I'm very much WTF! Seriously, I hurt her feelings? With address labels? Don't you think that's a little dramatic?


Yesterday I ran in to our neighbors across the street at the mail box and I asked him what he thought about the fund raiser. He said they didn't like it so they just didn't send the labels back, but then the day before the teacher had asked his daughter where her labels were and that really pissed him off. He thought it was great what I did and made me go and tell his wife about it. He said that the neighbors on both sides of him had issues with it too, and he knows that at least one of them didn't send them back. 


We talked a bit about how many people probably didn't like it, but rather than rock the boat they sent the labels back anyway. Which is exactly what I know my next door neighbor did. 

I'm actually surprised, considering the population of the school (approx. 600 I believe) that I"m the only one that did something like this. 


Or perhaps I'm not, but because Noah is "special" (as in requires more work for her and more of her budget) my stand pissed her off more?


Rich is very concerned that Noah is going to pay for this in some way. He wants me to drop the issue completely and send them a check.


I just can't do that though! I can't! I'm not going to be intimidated into doing something or supporting something that I think is wrong. 


I have and will continue to support the H&SA and the school in other ways. I am appreciative of what they do for Noah.


I have a big project due at work on Wednesday, but once I feel I have a good handle on that I think I'm going to write Mrs. R a letter and make sure I spell out exactly how I feel and what wording n the emails and fliers concerned me.


You know what else really pisses me off? I found out yesterday after doing a bit of digging, that the school has to pay a 20% commission (yes, twenty percent) of any funds raised from this effort to the company that started the Race for Education and I guess provides them copyrighted material and some guidance. I don't recall seeing that mentioned in any of the information to the parents that was sent out previously. 


So if I send a check to the school in lieu of the addresses, as they finally agreed to accept late in the day the Friday before the Monday deadline, 20% of it will go back to that company. 


I still question the legality of requiring children in a public school to participate in something like this, or be penalized. Or that the only option is writing a check to the school for $75 to $100 per child. My nephew the lawyer is looking into that for me.

I wonder who I should cc on the letter I'll be sending her?

Who knew my child was so well connected? *updated*

The Home and School Association at Noah's elementary school is running a fund raiser called "Race for Education." The idea is that each child gets at least ten sponsors and then on a specified day the children will run/walk around a 1/4 mile track as many times as they can in an hour.

As parents we have to provide the names and addresses to the H&SA, who will then send the information out to the people we specified. We are encouraged to send to friends, neighbors, relatives, businesses, doctors, etc. They especially want to see us giving contacts out of state.

There are rewards for the kids that get a certain number of names/addresses. There are class contests as well. For your class to be eligible each child has to have provided ten contacts. If one child doesn't do it, the entire class is out of the running for the party.

Today in an email we were told that it was not acceptable for the parents to donate a lump sum themselves in place of providing contacts.

Then today we were sent a note home requesting that each family donate a book of stamps or send in $10 to assist with postage.

This is really rubbing me the wrong way. I think it is putting too much pressure on parents, and if parents don't think it is appropriate or for some other reason don't do it, the child suffers because it will be known that they didn't do it.

I want to write a letter, include a check for the $75 that they claim is the average amount each child we will earn, and call it a day. Rich doesn't want me to get into it, because he doesn't want Noah to stand out more than he already does, which I completely understand.

I posted this issue on Facebook and one of my aunts suggested I use my creative mind and send to famous people and politicians.
I thought about it for about three seconds and said "brilliant."

Here is my list, in case anyone would like to use it for something similar. You'll note it's an equal opportunity list as I have some from the left and the right. To those I respect and to those I consider idiots. It's all good money for the school if they send it though!

Senator John McCain
241 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Joe Sestak
P.O. Box 1936
Media, Pennsylvania
19063 (610) 891-8956

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Pat Toomey
3440 Hamilton Blvd
Allentown, PA 18103

Speaker Nancy Pelosi
Office of the Speaker
H-232, US Capitol
Washington, DC 20515

Governor Edward G. Rendell's Office
225 Main Capitol Building
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120

Judge Marjorie O. Rendell
Office of the First Lady
Governor’s Residence
2035 North Front Street
Harrisburg, PA 17102

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
200 Independence Avenue, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20201

Secretary Arne Duncan
U.S. Department of Education
400 Maryland Avenue, SW
Washington, D.C. 20202

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck Program
1133 Avenue of the Americas
Floor 34
New York, NY 10036

Sarah Palin
Office of Sarah Palin
PO Box 871235
Wasilla, AK 99687



So what do you guys think? In general is a fund raiser like this something you would support? Am I going overboard? Am I turning into my father?

Updated to add: Today's email included this bit:


Completed address labels are to be sent into school by Monday, Sept. 20th. We really need a minimum of 10 address labels per student. The organizers of this event are requesting that address labels be returned for future mailings to sponsors as opposed to sending in flat donation amounts. This is the only way your child will be able to access prize categories, etc.


I am really pissed off about this! One of the first emails said the following:


Please understand that your donors will receive a ONE TIME mailer, with a first class stamp, from Titus. This list will never be used for any other contact outside of the Race for Education.


But now they are talking about "future mailings to sponsors."


I think I will now be adding the school board members and the coordinators of this event to my address list.

I'm really missing the Philly Moms Blog right now, because I think this would be perfect to write about in that type of forum.

And yes, Rich is pretty much giving me the big eye roll about all of this. He doesn't fire up as easily as I do.

Who knew my child was so well connected?

The Home and School Association at Noah's elementary school is running a fund raiser called "Race for Education." The idea is that each child gets at least ten sponsors and then on a specified day the children will run/walk around a 1/4 mile track as many times as they can in an hour.

As parents we have to provide the names and addresses to the H&SA, who will then send the information out to the people we specified. We are encouraged to send to friends, neighbors, relatives, businesses, doctors, etc. They especially want to see us giving contacts out of state.

There are rewards for the kids that get a certain number of names/addresses. There are class contests as well. For your class to be eligible each child has to have provided ten contacts. If one child doesn't do it, the entire class is out of the running for the party.

Today in an email we were told that it was not acceptable for the parents to donate a lump sum themselves in place of providing contacts.

Then today we were sent a note home requesting that each family donate a book of stamps or send in $10 to assist with postage.

This is really rubbing me the wrong way. I think it is putting too much pressure on parents, and if parents don't think it is appropriate or for some other reason don't do it, the child suffers because it will be known that they didn't do it.

I want to write a letter, include a check for the $75 that they claim is the average amount each child we will earn, and call it a day. Rich doesn't want me to get into it, because he doesn't want Noah to stand out more than he already does, which I completely understand.

I posted this issue on Facebook and one of my aunts suggested I use my creative mind and send to famous people and politicians.
I thought about it for about three seconds and said "brilliant."

Here is my list, in case anyone would like to use it for something similar. You'll note it's an equal opportunity list as I have some from the left and the right. To those I respect and to those I consider idiots. It's all good money for the school if they send it though!

Senator John McCain
241 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Joe Sestak
P.O. Box 1936
 Media, Pennsylvania
19063 (610) 891-8956

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Pat Toomey
3440 Hamilton Blvd
Allentown, PA 18103

Speaker Nancy Pelosi
Office of the Speaker
H-232, US Capitol
Washington, DC 20515

Governor Edward G. Rendell's Office
225 Main Capitol Building
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120

Judge Marjorie O. Rendell
Office of the First Lady
Governor’s Residence
2035 North Front Street
Harrisburg, PA  17102

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
200 Independence Avenue, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20201

Secretary Arne Duncan
U.S. Department of Education
400 Maryland Avenue, SW
Washington, D.C. 20202

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck Program
1133 Avenue of the Americas
Floor 34
New York, NY 10036

Sarah Palin
Office of Sarah Palin
PO Box 871235
Wasilla, AK 99687

So what do you guys think? In general is a fund raiser like this something you would support? Am I going overboard? Am I turning into my father?

Updated to add: Today's email included this bit:

Completed address labels are to be sent into school by Monday, Sept. 20^th.  We really need a minimum of 10 address labels per student.  The organizers of this event are requesting that address labels be returned for future mailings to sponsors  as opposed to sending in flat donation amounts.  This is the only way your child will be able to access prize categories, etc.

I am really pissed off about this! One of the first emails said the following: 

Please understand that your donors will receive a ONE TIME mailer, with a first class stamp, from Titus. This list will never be used for any other contact outside of the Race for Education.


But now they are talking about "future mailings to sponsors."

I think I will now be adding the school board members and the coordinators of this event to my address list.