Awful, awful, awful, awful...and then something incredible happens...and then awful, awful, awful, awful...

 I watched The Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez tonight and it is fucking hysterical.

This bit though made me stop and say "wow, yeah, exactly."

It's awful, awful, awful and then something incredible happens. And then awful, awful, awful, awful, awful...and something incredible happens.

Well, I don't know what it is like in a normal family with normal kids, but that is what it is like with Noah most of the time.

Yesterday Noah's camp had their end of the year camp show. I wasn't able to go but Rich was there. Noah was awesome. In fact, after it was over Rich called me to tell me about it and he was all choked up about it. It was really sweet.

One of the songs his group did was Michael Jackson's Beat It. Noah had a "dance" solo towards the end. Here is a little clip of it. He's in all black with the gold vest. Please note the large white glove he is wearing. ;)

The video is about 23 seconds. It makes me smile and laugh. This is the incredible.

And then the awful, awful, awful...today at karate I saw him taking money out of my purse. I told him to put it back. He grabbed it anyway and went running out of the karate studio. In front of everyone in the middle of my class.

That is what he is doing now. If he doesn't like what we are telling him to do, or if he is being reprimanded or directed to do something he doesn't want to do, he takes off.

I refuse to run after him. It would be like trying to catch a puppy. I won't catch him and it will just be more fun for him.

So instead I feel absolutely ineffective because at the moment there is not a thing I can do until he comes back.

Awful, awful, awful...

And then we came home and he helped me pick up and vacuum, and it was a little bit of the incredible again.

Friends - I got me some

I've not nurtured friendships very well since I got married.

When I first moved here to be with Rich I didn't need anyone but him. I didn't care to be with anyone else. I missed my best friend in Michigan, I still do, but getting ready for the wedding, starting a new job, and living with my future and then new husband consumed me. There wasn't anything I couldn't share with Rich so between that and my shyness and social awkwardness I didn't try very hard to make friends.

Then we went through all the infertility crap and it was too hard to be around anyone that could or did have kids the old fashioned away because it just wasn't FAIR. (Said with my whiniest voice.) It was too painful.

And then Noah came to us and I was consumed again, with our little family of three and trying to figure out to be a mother. I started to meet some of our neighbors and a few people in the mommy and me classes we did. But I let that awkwardness get in the away with some of them. And then the two women that I got the closest to and really did connect with, well, they both moved.

Then Noah's behaviors started to show themselves and the few connections we did have with other families gradually faded away because we were uncomfortable having Noah around other kids because it never ended well.

And that just continued. And I stopped trying. I just accepted that the neighborhood moms thought I was odd and that I didn't fit in.

But tonight I sit here and I can tell you that even though we are in our lowest point ever with Noah - And I mean it is capital B A D bad right now - I now have friends that I can trust and talk to.

Thank you Donna and Shelley for coffee this morning! We missed you Julie!

Thank you Jennie for calling me this afternoon and letting me know you were thinking of me. I needed that hour of venting and laughter and sharing. You are a special woman and one of my heroes!

And thank you Jason for really caring about me and my family.

We may be in one of our darkest spots right now, but today I had three bright, warm lights shine on me and it made all the difference in the world.

Thank you my friends!

My karate kid! Or Noah ninja style.

A couple weeks ago Noah promoted from his junior white belt to yellow belt.

 Sitting like a black belt!

Standing at attention (almost).

Student creed number one.

 Mommy didn't get there in time to get a seat in front, therefore all the pictures from the back. Mommy also needs a new camera, because it can't possibly be her poor photo skilz that caused such crappy pictures.

 Congrats from Mr. M.

(And no, he's really not a vampire.)

 Yellow belt!

The next day Noah participated in the Action Karate Spring Tournament.

 Waiting with Kiel.

 Performing his kata.

 "chamber"

 "asah!"

 and bow!

And a third place trophy, which he refused to take a picture with.

After everyone performed their kata and trophies were given, it was time to do their combination moves. A combination move for his age/group is a combination of three moves. Each child was allowed to do two combinations.

Noah had little to no interest in actually practicing before the tournament. I persuaded him to do his kata with me a few times, but he refused to practice the combination moves. He didn't even want to talk about what to expect. Going in to the tournament I had no idea how he was going to do. I pretty much expected a train wreck to be honest. I figured it would be a learning experience for him. I was pleasantly surprised at how well he did do with his kata.

Now, when it came to doing his combination moves I was on edge. I had no idea what he was going to do and if he even knew what he was supposed to do. I saw him carefully watch all the other kids as they did their moves. He was one of the last to perform so I hoped as he watched he was figuring it out.

Well let me tell you, that boy stood up when it was his turn. Took his place and with utter confidence did his thing. I was amazed. The judges were amazed. The other parents were amazed.

My boy stood up there in front of everyone and pulled out every karate ninja move he knew. Instead of doing two combination sets he went all out. 

It was complete free-form Noah ninja out there.

It was incredible.

Beyond incredible.

And then he amazed us all by ending with a back/shoulder spin (think 80's break dance).

Go Noah! Go Noah!

And that my friends is what keeps me going. I don't care if it wasn't what he was supposed to do. And it was a little hard to see his disappointment when he didn't receive a trophy, because he was sure he had done the best moves of anyone. You should have seen his face actually when they awarded the 2nd place trophy and it wasn't to him, he was so sure they were going to call his name for the 1st place trophy he was practically walking up to get it before it was announced.

I am just kicking myself that I didn't get it on tape. It was beyond amazing! It still almost brings me to tears (of the hysterical kind) when I think about it. God I love that boy!

I called my karate instructor a vampire, and other news.

A couple weeks ago my karate instructor asked me if I'd write up a short testimonial about my experience that he could share with the moms of his younger students in conjunction with a Mothers Day promotion he is doing.

Of course I said sure and then promptly forgot about it until I started to see him promoting a free month of training for moms last week. And then I felt obligated to put pen to paper, or fingers to laptop in my case, and make him proud!

I figured if I was going to inspire anyone to start training I needed to be honest about my experience. And insert a little humor, because frankly, that's how I roll.

So I started out my testimonial by saying my instructor was a vampire. And then I wrote about almost dying, falling on my face, and my leaky bladder. Oh hell, you can go here and read a somewhat beefed up version I wrote for the Philly Moms Blog, because I was struggling to get something in for them too by the end of the month.

The testimonial that I sent him starts with "Don't tell him I said this, but I'm pretty sure Mr. M is a vampire."

I ended the actual testimonial with: "So I want to thank Mr. M for glamoring me into starting and then sticking with it. And Miss S for letting me get all emotional on her and giving me the extra help I needed to catch up. And Mr. C. for letting me beat up on him when I really needed to practice my self-defense on a person other than my husband. And for all the other adults in the class who have taken the time to help me and teach me and most importantly encourage me!

So come on Moms! If this Mom can do it you can too!"

Instead of how I ended it on PMB with the bit about the fat girl in class and how my husband better not wake me up in the morning poking me with Mr. Happy. So I'm not a total idiot. At least I know what is better to put out on the internetz for everyone to see, versus what I should just email to my instructor. banging head on table

But I'm starting to think based on the lack of response from my instructor that perhaps he was looking for a more traditional testimonial and not one in which he was referred to as a vampire. Especially since the testimonials he has been sending out every day via email are much more traditional, and shockingly not a single one of them mentions that he is a vampire.

Oooppss....

So in other news:

I earned my purple belt two weeks ago, so I am now an intermediate level karate student. The kata I am learning right now is called "mass attack." Which basically means "stay away from me bitches, because I can hurt you!"

Noah earned his junior level yellow belt and participated in a tournament. I really need to tell you all about that because he rocked out on his combination moves all ninja style. 

And I have a review and giveaway up here for Zestra. An arousal enhancing oil that helps heat things up in the nether regions (or in my case the frankenvulva). There I compare sex to a bus ride. So go there and enter to win! If you leave a comment there with the secret code phrase "your karate instructor is a vampire" I'll give you an extra entry! Shhhh...that will be our little secret!

  

Tonight we found our cat had peed in Kiels box of Matchbox cars. Fortunately Rich found it. And the rule in this house is "you smelt it, you dealt it."

My right eyelid and right upper lip have started twitching lately. I think I'm a little stressed, especially as we fight for the services we need for Noah this summer. We have four meetings in the next two weeks alone that have to do with this, and I'm sure there will be more. 

Fortunately I am not super busy at work right now, so the fact that some of this personal stuff is encroaching into work hours isn't a big deal. 

And with that I leave you to ponder if you will, how I should handle my next meeting with Mr. M.  Hair up off my neck perhaps?

I'm alive, really!

Yikes, it's been over two weeks since I've posted! I've been a little crazyer than normal the last couple weeks just catching up on work and other writing commitments, not to mention the laundry and cleaning the bathrooms and just general mom/wife stuff! I even made a meatloaf recently! I know...I am rockin' this mom shit! 

Then I had a fun episode of strep throat thanks to the giving nature of my 7-year-old last week, and since I'm a big baby when I'm sick I got even more behind in everything. But I did get totally addicted to Virtual Villagers 4: The Tree of Life while I was lazing in bed, too weak to do anything but move my finger on the touch pad between naps.

I have a big deadline at work this week, then I should be able to breathe again. But in the meantime here is a little bit of what's been going on:

Two weeks ago Thor ran out the door on a rainy night and didn't immediately come back inside once he realized his little paws were getting wet. He spent that rainy night and the next miserable rainy day outside. When the sun came out again on day three he still wasn't home. We all freaked out and spent several hours walking the neighborhood and surrounding woods looking for him. We also put up 65 fliers around the neighborhood. 

We have awesome neighbors and one of them found him romping happily at the edge of the woods about two blocks away. He didn't seem all that happy to be home and I'd bet money he scored some kitty smack while he was gone, because he was pretty goofy. We've managed to keep him close to home since then, but I'm not holding my breath that he isn't going to try this again. Teenagers...ughh

Noah had strep throat, Rich stayed home with him for a day, then I got sick and spent four days in bed, because (see above) me = big baby.

I wrote this on the Philly Moms Blog.

And the post I wrote before that was one of the SVMG's Hot Posts of the Week.

I have some new reviews and giveaways up on MNT Review Blog here and here. And have two more to get up in the next couple days.

Earlier this week I dragged Rich and the boys with me to a blogger event hosted by MomSelect and Energizer to launch their Energizer Recharge Smart Charger and announce their "Kids Take Charge" video contest. The contest goes live tomorrow, so as soon as I have a link to it I'll post it here.

Yesterday I attended a mom blogger seminar sponsored by MomSpace. It was awesome! And I finally got to meet the gorgeous and super genuine Joey Fortman, who is going to be my new best friend, I just know it! And if not I'll just stalk her and pretend she is, until the restraining order takes effect anyway. And, Shannon from Chester County Moms, and one of the moderators of the event, absolutely made my day when she came up to me at the end of the morning and introduced herself. She's been a regular commenter on my blog and on Twitter and goofy me didn't put two and two together when she was up in front of all of us doing an amazing job keeping the panel on track!


Noah started spring soccer today and also has his academy soccer going on for another 5 or 6 weeks as well.

And, Noah and I will both be promoting to our next belt rank in karate this week! More about that soon.  

OK, you are now caught up on life in the MNT household. I'll be back soon with more fascinating blog posts, so consider yourself warned! Because at least one is about sex and one is about the frankenvulva, and they aren't even related!

How awesome is this?

Noah learned how to break boards the other night.

 

 The boy was fierce!

  

  And focused.

  

Powerful.

Controlled.

And successful!

Friends - part 1

This morning I stood awkwardly with three other mothers from my neighborhood, as I waited for Noah’s bus to arrive.

Two of them have kids Noah’s age and the other is our next door neighbor. They are all very nice. They have all lived in the neighborhood for at least five years. And yet, the only one that I really know is our next door neighbor.

They were standing on the sidewalk in front of my house chatting when I went outside to wait with Noah. The bus had already picked up their kids.

I put my briefcase in the car and started it to defrost the windows. Then I stood their awkwardly wondering if I should go up to them or wait where I was. After a minute or so I slowly walked up to them, feeling even more awkward.

And I know it is so ridiculous that I feel that way. These are perfectly nice women. Women that I have made no effort to friend. That I don’t know how to friend.

We chatted for a few minutes about sick kids and how busy the next few months were going to be. Then Noah’s bus came and I excused myself to go to work. They were still standing there when I drove away.

I wonder what they think of me, if they think of me at all. I doubt they sense my awkwardness. I fear they think I am standoffish or strange. They know something is different about Noah because the “short” bus picks him up, but they never ask about it. I just know that our next door neighbor doesn’t want her kids to play with him, which given his past aggression with her middle son I don’t blame, although it still kills me a little inside.

I don’t know how to bridge this gap that I have created with the women in my neighborhood. I don’t know how to jump in and all of a sudden be one of them. I don’t think they would push me away, but at the same time I think they would wonder why suddenly I’m interested.

Later that day was when we received the email from Rich's brother about Thanksgiving and Noah. I cried. And then I picked up the phone, needing to talk to somebody. And I held the phone in my hand, looked at it, and cried harder because I had absolutely no one I felt I could call. 

Every week in karate class there is a lesson. Our instructor sits down with us for a few minutes and tells a story and relates it to life. This week it had to do with how what we put out there comes back to us. He started it with a story about a child learning what an echo was. Then talked about how like tends to attract like. That people that act similarly tend to attract each other. That looking at your friends is like looking in the mirror in some ways. If you come home from spending time with a friend and frequently say, wow, he’s such a jerk, why do I go out with him, you might want to consider that maybe you are a bit of a jerk as well.

But what do you do if you have no friends? And don’t hang out with anyone? I look in the mirror and see nothing but a blank reflection.

I love him but...

There really is no delicate way to say this, so I'm going to come right out with it.

My husband has big feet.

There, I said it.


And yes, the saying is true. 


The bigger the feet, the louder the snore. Or something like that.


But not only are his feet big and hairy, they are loud. Especially when they go up and down our stairs, which are bare wood.

Until last night around 11pm when I was getting ready for bed.

I know he was in our bed asleep when I went in our bathroom. I remember seeing him in bed before I closed the door so the light wouldn't bother him.

When I was done I went in the hall to turn out the hall light, then remembered I hadn't plugged my phone in to charge, so went back in the bedroom to get it.

There I am, in the dark hallway, at the top of the stairs headed towards the guest bedroom where I plug in my phone, when I sense something and turn towards the stairs.

And oh my fucking stars, there is this big half-nekkid man standing there not a foot away from me. And I screamed. And I swear I jumped so high my head hit the vaulted ceiling above me.


How the hell Rich managed to come up the stairs with those big ass feet of his and me not hear him still escapes me.

He's just lucky I didn't throw him down the stairs with one of my new karate moves! Because of course I instantly moved to guard stance and prepared to fend him off with one of my recently learned and fancy defense moves, like Chinese Junk or Five Swords.

Or, maybe I just stood there and screamed like a girl and then cussed him out for scaring the crap out of me.

One last Halloween story

We were encouraged to go to karate class in costume on Saturday. We were promised a "valuable" prize for the best costume.

Being new and all I didn't want to be a party pooper and be the only one to show up without a costume.

So I thought and thought, and looked at all kinds of Halloween costume sites on line and found the perfect costume.  A costume that I could make myself and was the perfect combination of easy, cheap, required you to think a bit to "get it", was definitely on the verge of geeky, and was also one that I could still work out in.

And off I went to class with sponges safety pinned to my t-shirt.

Anyone know what I was? That didn't read it on Twitter?

Well, no one at karate could figure it out either.

And yes, I was the ONLY one there in costume.

I was also the only woman there in a class of about ten advanced belts that take their work out pretty seriously.

If you are picturing a short, round woman dressed in black except for the colorful sponges attached to her and the yellow belt tied around her ample middle, you have it pictured correctly.

Despite my embarrassment I made them guess what I was. I even gave some very good hints ("it's a play on words," "some might say it's a reflection of my character," "it has to do with what sponges do"). And still, no one figured it out, although there were some good guesses ("a suck up!", "your mind is like a sponge sucking up knowledge," "a dish washer") and some not so flattering ("Sponge Bob," "your body is like a sponge" from the you must not be married if you would say something like that to a woman dumbass biggest guy in the room, which is the only reason I let him get away with it, because like dude, I know karate!).

So if YOU didn't get it yet....

I was....

wait for it....

wait for it....

SELF-ABSORBED

I know, I crack myself up too.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

That phrase is a new addition to the wall of the karate studio Noah and I go to.

It was also the topic of our promotion lesson in karate tonight.

It's an interesting question.  And as I ponder it I can't help but think that there really isn't anything I'm not doing because I'm afraid of failing.

Maybe I'm on a bit of a high right now since I have accomplished two of my goals in the last couple weeks. I have some of my personal writing published (professionally I've been published a few times) and tonight I promoted to yellow belt.

The writing is something I've wanted to do for a long time. The karate is a new goal and in many ways a much bigger accomplishment for me.

For the first time in my life I am enjoying doing something physical besides sex.  Having a goal to work towards such as earning my next belt feels good! And I'm not afraid of failing. I know this is something I can do.  I will be a black belt by the time I'm 45.

There are things I'm afraid of failing in, but it doesn't stop me from doing them. Parenting Noah is pretty high up on that list. I do fear failing him, but I'm not going to stop trying. And most of the time I believe Rich and I will figure out what he needs and he'll be OK.

A year ago I was afraid of failing in my marriage, but we didn't give up on that either and we are doing so much better.

At work I push myself to take on new and more challenging projects. I like what I do and really have no interest in doing anything else right now.

The only thing that continues to niggle in my head when I ponder this question is having another child. If I knew I could get pregnant, have a healthy child, and Rich and I would have the energy and resources to parent that child I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't think its really the fear of failure that is stopping us from doing it though, it's more a lack of financial resources and Rich's age and lack of desire to have a third child that prevents us.

Maybe I'm not reaching deep enough inside me. Or maybe I've reached a level of contentment that I should accept and be happy about. Deep stuff, huh?

So what would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I sukey at sake

Instead of doing a regular workout in karate last Saturday someone asshole suggested we torture ourselves we play something they were calling sake.

Of course my first thought was Hell to the yes! I mean wow, this karate thing just keeps getting better and better. We're going to play drinking games man!

Hah. Joke was on me. Sake was really "sockey" a game they described as something between soccer and hockey. Three against three using kick blockers as rackets and balls. Sometimes more than one ball. The object of course was to hit the ball with the blockers and get it into the opposite teams goal.

Somehow I ended up on a team with two black belts, one who had to be at least 6'6" (no exaggeration).

Now, its no exaggeration when I tell you that I'm not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet. In fact, that's probably an understatement.

To an observer I probably looked a bit like a weeble with a white circle around its middle. Except not only do I wobble, but I also fall down. Hard.

I'd like to think people thought I was diving for the ball. Really, I was. A flying dive at the ball. It had nothing to do with tripping over my own well pedicured feet.

I went down hard. One of those times where it felt like I was falling slow motion and couldn't do anything to help myself. But, I got right back up and finished out the fucking game.

It wasn't until a few hours later that my knee started to swell and hurt. Six days later this is what it looks like. One big bruise from my ankle to my knee. The picture doesn't do it justice.



Oh yeah baby, I am fierce! And I most definitely suckey at sockey!

Hiyyy Yahhh

So guess what ya'all?

I'm learning karate!

Me! Learning karate! Shocking, I know!

I've been so impressed by Noah's experience with the instructors and classes that when they offered to let me train free for a month I decided to take them up on it.

Here's Noah competing in his first tournament. He did so awesome! We were so proud of him!

He even won a trophy! OK, all the kids won one, but that didn't matter to him.

Anyway...I'm training in karate and it is kicking! my! ass! I am so whipped after a class it takes me hours to feel like anything but a wet noodle. And I am so sore the day or two after. But I love it! It feels so amazing to learn to move my body like that.

I must look pretty comical in class. Short, round, all dressed in black except for a white belt around my middle. Kind of like a black egg with a white circle around the center. But, I really don't care that much. I'm really proud of myself that I'm doing it and I want to keep on doing it.

If I train consistently I could earn my black belt in three years. Now that is a pair of words no one would ever have associated with me. Never. In a million years Never! Neh.Ver. Mommy Needs Therapy and Black Belt. Practically a contradiction right there.

But if you know me, I have a hard time turning down a challenge.

So I have a goal; to earn my black belt before I'm 45. That gives me a few months of flexibility in case something major comes up.

So watch out at BlogHer ladies. I'm fierce and I know some MOVES!

Am I one of "those" parents?

Noah participated in his first karate invitational yesterday. I was so freaking proud of him!

I'll be honest, when we found out this was happening a few weeks ago I had some serious doubts that he would be able to handle it. I didn't doubt his ability to learn the Kata and what ever else he needed to learn. I just wasn't sure he'd be able to handle the pressure of performing in front of strangers; not to mention if he could handle the chaos of all the people and noise at an event like that. But, his instructor said he was ready. And I'm determined to stop sheltering him so much and let him be as "normal" as possible.

We practiced his kata and what he had to say before it for a good week. Some days he did great, some days he was a pain in the ass and I really struggled to have enough patience to try and get us both through it. It didn't help at all that during this we were messing around with his medication and trying to wean him off his Tenex, which let me tell you was a giant disaster!* We realized pretty quickly though and got him back on it a little over a week ago, so last week he was doing much better.

So yesterday he performed his Kata in front of three judges. He was the first to perform in his group. He was strong, in control and focused. He won third place. OK, that sounds much better than it really is as every one in his age group won a trophy. They participated in groups of four and therefore, trophies were given out for 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th place.

There was one point where I was actually very close to tears as I watched him sit on the edge of the ring with the other kids. For so long I worried he wouldn't ever get it together enough to do "normal" things like this. He/we really have come so far in the last year!

OK, enough about how proud of him I was. What I really wanted to talk about in this post was how I found myself coming very close to being one of "those" mothers. Hell, I watched Rich come very close to being one of "those" fathers. After Noah performed we were so proud of him, and rightly so. But, when he "only" got 3rd place we looked at each other in surprise. Certainly he deserved 2nd place? The one girl in his group was clearly going to win 1st, that was no surprise, she was very good. But Noah, didn't he do better than the boy who did get 2nd? He was robbed, we thought. If only he had sat in a different spot around the ring. If only he had performed with a different group of kids. Didn't the judges know how far he had come? That he was "special?"

At one point I realized what I was doing. Noah didn't care. He was just thrilled to have won a trophy. Sure, he would have been excited if he won the "big" one, but no more excited than he already was. He knew we were proud of him and he was proud of himself. And, he had fun! Wasn't that what was really important?

Just where is the line between being the supportive parent and being the controlling parent? The line between being proud of your child, and showing off your child? Did I want him to win for himself, or for me? If he was happy, why did I even care that he "only" won 3rd place?

How do I make sure in the future that I keep my focus on ensuring positive experiences for Noah, and not letting myself believe that if Noah does "well" at something I'm a more succesful parent?



*Just going to say here that I really never thought the Tenex was helping Noah as we didn't think we saw any difference in him when we started it last summer. I was so, so wrong! As we slowly weaned him off his behavior started to get out of control. He was like a different boy. Three days after getting him back on it we had our old Noah back.