Housekeeping! and a little bit of teasing!

No, this is not an announcement that I have cleaned the house. Sorry Rich. And you probably aren't getting lucky tonight either. Really sorry!

It is however a quick post with some updates for MNT and my wonderful readers!

1. We are implementing a new behavior program with Noah and I'm going to be blogging about it on a new site I'm setting up. Stay tuned for more information! This a big deal for our family and I'm very excited to be working with Debra Sale Wendler the Respect Effect Mom. I met her on Twitter as @adhdparenting. So far I'm very impressed with the program even though it is a lot of work and at times it scares the hell out of me because it's making ME change a lot about myself and how I parent. So seriously, stay tuned!

2. I'm going to be featured in Blog Nosh Magazine this Thursday! More information and links to that later this week!

3. I'm in a book! I know!!!! Squeee! It's coming out in November. More information about that soon too!

And now, some great stuff for you!

4. Remember my posts about being chosen as a Purex Insider? See those buttons on my left sidebar? Well, as a founding member of the Purex Insider Program they have given me the chance to invite two of my blogging friends to be a part of the program too! Cool huh? As a Purex Insider you will be among the first to try and review brand new products from Purex, and be a part of special promotions and giveaways.

Now, don't get too excited. Because in all honesty, other than a coupon for a free package of their new 3 in 1, and some "opportunities"' to promote their product, it hasn't really involved much. But, I am a fan of their product because it is so freaking easy to use. And who knows, they may figure out ways to "reward" us better for helping promote their product in the future.

So, if you are interested in being a Purex Insider please leave your email address in the comments below or email me at mommyneedstherapy at gmail.com and tell me why you are interested.

5. I'm going to have two more giveaways up on MNT later this week.

One for the new Zhu Zhu Pets toy. Zhu Zhu Pets are fun, interactive hamsters that talk, move and even navigate their way around their own habitats. And the best thing about these pets? No mess and no fuss…just hours of interactive play! I'll be giving away one hamster and one slide with ramp.

And one for 250 Custom Greeting Cards from Uprinting.com for TWO of my readers. I've been thrilled with the business cards and stickers I've received from them recently! I'm very excited about this giveaway!

Make sure you check back later this week so you can enter!

6. BSM Media has offered my readers first crack and a free offer for a new kids website. Here is what they have to say about it. The code for the free offer is within the body of the following information.

We'd like to introduce you to Pocketville. Pocketville is a creative virtual world where kids can play games, decorate their own environment, and adopt "In My Pocket" virtual pets. Kids will discover a world of fun that offers a safe social place to meet friends, engage in innovative games, create their own avatar, and dress their pets to look the coolest in the town! And luckily for Mom and Dad, all of these fun activities are free.

Parents can feel safe letting their children play in Pocketville because the site is 100% secure and no open chatting is permitted. All users are anonymous and can't share personal details with other players. And in addition to the fun they'll have taking part in the games and activities, kids will learn responsibility by taking care of their virtual pets and virtual piggy bank account.

We're so excited to offer you and your kids an exclusive Pocketville experience. By visiting Pocketville, http://www.jungleinmypocket.com/, and entering the voucher code below, your child can purchase items for their virtual pet at the Pocketville Pet Supplies Store:

Voucher Code: B9GX8NUDYS
Valid for 250 Pocketville Tokens

Please feel free to share the voucher code with other Moms and kids who you think might enjoy the site. Please note that the voucher code expires on September 30th, 2009 so make sure to take advantage of this fun offer while it lasts! If you have any questions about the code redemption, please contact yourfriends@inmypocket.com.

We are confident that your children will love exploring Pocketville. Pocketville was developed by the makers of Puppy In My Pocket, a trusted and popular company who specializes in children's character lines and toys that is sold in over 50 countries worldwide.


I think that's it! Don't forget to check back later this week for more information, updates and chances to enter the new giveaways!

Breastfeeding advice needed!

Oh wise MNT readers. I'm writing today to ask your advice.

Kiel will be a year old in just over a week. I've written before about how much I love breastfeeding him, but also how I fight for every ounce.

My goal is to breastfeed until Kiel is two, as Dr. Sears recommends, or until Kiel weans himself. And frankly, the way he loves my boobies I don't see that happening any time soon.

My problem is my milk supply seems to be dwindling and I'm really tired of pumping. I pump every night after Kiel goes to bed, and then before I go to bed for close to an hour, because it takes that long for me to get four ounces (if I'm lucky). I also pump for close to an hour at work every day. I'm afraid if I stop pumping my supply will dwindle even more. But damn, it's getting old.

And if I stop pumping I can't send breastmilk to daycare.

If I stop pumping and only breastfeed in the morning and before bed will I continue to produce milk? I'm afraid if I try it out and my supply dwindles even more, I won't be able to build it back up again.

Any readers out there that did the extended breastfeeding thing? And if you did, did you continue to pump after the first year?

Tales from the Breast - part 2, or Watch my husbands head explode

I don't think I'll warn my husband about this post. Better he not know ahead of time his head is going to explode. Hope he doesn't check this one out at work. Heh.

Reading over my last Tales of the Breast post, I realized it was a bit clinical, with all the Mother's milk tea, and herbs, and dom. etc. I forgot what my original intent was. To write about how much I love breastfeeding Kiel. How special it is.

I love when Kiel first latches on and gets that first mouthful of milk, how his eye's roll back in his head as if he's experiencing nirvana.

I love how his hand is always moving, running over my body. Sometimes grabbing my nose, or finding it's way in to my mouth for me to kiss an nibble on. If both breasts are exposed he'll head right for the other nipple and grab it, twisting and tweaking. I swear his Daddy didn't teach him that either. Such a little man already.

Sometimes, it isn't enough for him to just move his hands on me, he has to move his legs too. Kicking at the breast he isn't nursing from, as if he's tenderizing it for his next course.

I love how he looks in to my eyes, with his sparkly blue/grey eyes. And sometimes stops and smiles; the corners of his mouth moving up and out. A little bit of milk spilling out.

I love when he falls asleep at my breast. Eyes closed, yet mouth still working, sucking, pausing occasionally, then sucking some more. Until finally, he falls asleep so deeply that he slides off my nipple, a little string of spit and milk connecting him to me. And then in his sleep, even though he is no longer latched on, his mouth occasionally moves as if he is still nursing.

I love early in the morning, when I bring him to bed with us. I lay on my back, turned just slightly to the side with him nestled against me. Hungry from the night, refueling his body. Nursing, then falling back asleep (if I'm lucky). My hand cupping his bottom, his head resting on my upper arm.

I love later in the morning, when we are both awake, and he is sitting up, laughing and smiling, or crawling around between Rich and myself. Then he spots my breast, crawls up to it and grabs it, placing the nipple in his mouth, taking a few sucks. Just a little snack.

I love how no matter what position we are in, if the nipple isn't positioned how he wants, he grabs at my breast, getting a handful of flesh, and places it how he wants. As if he owns it, which he clearly does.

Tales from the Breast

It's World Breastfeeding Week.

I've been thinking about writing a post updating on my breastfeeding experience.

Sounds like this is the week to do it!

I'm hoping to talk Rich in to taking some picture of Kiel nursing. That may take some doing as he thinks letting anyone see us like that is obscene , horrifying, in extreme bad taste obscene. Well, maybe not obscene, but it does kind of freak him out if I do it in public and am not completely covered up. And even then I think he gets a little twitchy about it.

But I digress...

I've written before about how much I wanted to breastfeed and how I was going to do what ever I could to make it happen. I've been fortunate in that it has worked out for me.

Kiel latched on just fine from the very beginning. I needed to do a little work to get my milk to come in, and we supplemented with bottles while Kiel was back in the hospital because of his jaundice, but I woke up on day six and the milk was there.

I was actually lucky in a way that Kiel was readmitted to the hospital because I was able to spend more time with the lactation consultant, and the nurses were very helpful as well. It was also encouraging that they would weigh Kiel before and after I nursed him, so I had confirmation that he was getting milk from me.

I tried to pump while in the hospital, but was not very successful. The lactation consultant helped me with that too and gave me some different size breast shields. I've read since that it's not uncommon in the beginning to have difficulties pumping.

So my milk came in and Kiel was on my boobs All. The. Time. It was a bit overwhelming, and exhausting.

At his one week appointment he was back to his birth weight and had actually gained a bit. We were told we didn't need to bring him back until his one month appointment. And at his one month appointment he was still gaining just fine.

But he was still on my boobs All. The. Time! And it was exhausting.

I tried pumping again and was only able to pump an ounce or two at a time. It was somewhat disheartening.

Over Christmas, when Kiel was about six weeks old, we spent a week with my parents in Michigan. It was a twelve hour drive, each way. On the drive back I didn't drink much and Kiel didn't nurse as much as he usually did, plus I supplemented some with formula. The next day, I felt like I had no milk at all. And I realized just how important it was to drink enough water.

So I drank more water and Kiel seemed to be happier. I also started drinking Mother's Milk Tea. That also seemed to help.

When I started back to work and had to pump regularly I had some problems. I was never able to get more than 3 ounces at a time. Sometimes even less than that. And I would spend at least 45 minutes a session. And I was pumping three times during my eight hours at work. Plus at night before bed. And I still wasn't getting enough to keep up with Kiel while he was at daycare.

So I drank more water and I started taking herbs, lots and lots of herbs - fenugreek, blessed thistle and alfalfa. My milk turned green. And I was barely able to keep up, even if I gave him one bottle of formula before bed so I could pump then too. And I pumped when ever possible on my days off to try and stock up.

At six months we started feeding him solids (remind me to post about that some time as I'm making all his food). I was hoping I'd be able to slow down a bit on the pumping, but if anything, he's drinking even more.

So I ordered some domperidone. And after a couple weeks I could see my supply increasing. Not to astronomical proportions, but enough to keep up for the most part. I'm taking 30 mg's three times a day, with 4 caps of fenugreek three times a day.

I still don't have the supply I had hoped for, but I've come to terms with it. Kiel typically gets one bottle a day, usually before bed, of formula. I'm still a very slow pumper. Most pumping sessions last at least 45 minutes. I don't think this is typical.

I almost never leak and I've never sprayed like I hear some women do. I've actually been disappointed that I don't do that. It sounds kind of cool - in a porn star kind of way. Heh.

I'll be relieved when I don't need to pump any more, or can get down to perhaps once a day. I'm in no hurry to stop nursing though. My plan is to let Kiel decide when he's ready to stop, within reason. Dr. Sears recommends nursing for the first two years, so hopefully we will go at least that long.

And if nursing continues to keep my period from coming back, more power to the boob I say!

And on that note...I'm off to pump before bed.

updates and promises

There are so many thoughts in my head right now about things to blog about. And, since I'm finally feeling better, I'm going to try to commit to posting here more often, at least two or three times a week.

So, yes, I'm feeling good these days. Thank god for antidepressants! I'm actually enjoying life again! I consider myself very lucky...and thankful. Thankful that Amazing Daddy dragged my ass to the doctor to get some help. I was only truly miserable for about six weeks. I know so many women who struggled for months. My only real issue now is that I still get some episodes of anxiety, but even they have decreased significantly. When they happen they tend to be late afternoon, and I think are somewhat triggered by the thought of AD and The Boy coming home. TB has been a bit of a trial in the evenings these days. I think mostly because his ADHD meds have worn off by then and he's tired from a full day at school. We handle it, but it's not always easy.

Baby Brother (or Tug as I call him) is thriving. At his two month check up last week he was 11 pounds, 10 ounces and 24 1/2 inches long. He grew two inches and gained two pounds last month. I was a bit concerned that I wasn't producing enough breast milk for him, as some times in the evening he wants to nurse constantly. A few times we gave him a couple ounces of formula, just to settle him down. I hate to do that, since it seems to constipate him, but I also hate to think of him being hungry. I started taking fenugreek and alfalfa, and drinking Mothers Milk Tea. Plus I'm drinking a lot more water. It seems to be making a difference. My breasts are huge, especially first thing in the morning! It's funny actually; I didn't get stretch marks when I was pregnant, but now I'm getting them in my breasts. And joy...my left breast is becoming significantly bigger than my right.

BB is such a joy! He smiles all the time and it is such a beautiful site! We finally took him in to get professional pictures taken last week. I can't wait to get them back. He still won't sleep by himself, but then again, I really haven't tried to get him to either. The only time he will sleep without being on or very close to me (like less than a couple inches) is if he's in his car seat. Right now I have him in our powder room with the fan going and it seems to be working. Who knows if it will still work tomorrow though. Mostly he's in my arms.

I've started back at work a couple weeks ago. Initially I was going to take on a couple smaller projects to help out, since they got slammed with work right after I had BB. Somehow though, I've taken on three very large projects instead. Right now I'm going in to the office a couple times a week for meetings, but doing the majority of my work at home. BB goes in with me and so far it is working out well. He's great during meetings and most of the time will nurse himself to sleep. No one seems too freaked out when I'm bf'ing him during a meeting. I feel a little bad for the only man we have in our group, but he seems to be handling it ok. I've definitely mastered the art of discreet breast feeding. There certainly is not a lack of people who want to hold him while we are there.

Some thoughts that I hope to write about soon:

my MIL and her comments on hemorrhoids and fooling around
that no one will ever have my eyes
what are we going to do with the left over embryos
more things I like/don't like regarding baby stuff
finding some of my old journals from college
the cradle my brother made for us
how TB is handling being a big brother
general updates on TB's ADHD and behavior, as well as kindergarten registration

So feel free to keep on my ass until I follow through!

**I just found this post...guess I forgot to hit publish**

I'm finally getting a few minutes here and there during the day where Baby Brother is happy to sit in his swing. Occasionally he falls asleep and then I can get up to an hour or more. Don't get me wrong, I love holding BB! I remind myself constantly that he won't be this little forever. I love how he curls his body in to me when I hold him, with his little butt hunched up. I love sniffing his head and kissing it.


But sometimes, I just want both hands to myself. I want to be able to type freely, get a little work done in a reasonable amount of time, or clean the house (it really needs it!). Thankfully, as I said, I'm getting bits and pieces of time now.

I started back to work this week, somewhat unofficially. I'm going in for occasional meetings and taking on some smaller projects that I can do from home. BB is going in with me when I do need to be there. So far it's going well, although it has only been two days.

I'm very conflicted about being back to work. I love my job, so it feels good to be back doing it. However, I love, love, love being home with BB. I dread when I will have to send him to daycare.

Maternity leave has not exactly been what I imagined. Of course the PPD in the beginning did not help. I know getting back to work is the best thing for my mental health right now, but at the same time, there are things around the house that I thought I would get done while I was on leave. I had envisioned that I would have large chunks of time where BB would be sleeping (in his crib, without me holding him) for me to get things done. This house hasn't been truly clean in at least a year. I was so tired during my pregnancy that I did the bare minimum...if that. I also have sewing that I want to do for BB's room, as well as some outfits I would like to make him. And, I expected I would be writing here almost every day. Oh well...the best laid plans and all that.

BB is eight weeks old now. He's getting very good at holding up his head. He smiles all the time, especially when he sees The Boy. He has just started to look at some of his mobiles, and loves looking at the ones that have mirrors above him. This morning he was trying to reach up and grab things. Still no control of those hands though.

He sleeps with us at night and I love it. He goes anywhere from 3 to 6 hours before waking up to be fed. All I have to do is roll over and get him from his little "nest" and feed him. He falls back asleep with my nipple in his mouth. I'm usually able to get him back in to his nest to sleep for a few more hours. Early in the morning I feed him again and then he sleeps cuddled up next to me for a few more hours. He likes sleeping in as much as I do! I may be one of the few mom's who isn't walking around sleep deprived.

Nursing is going well, especially since I started boosting my milk supply. I pump now at least twice a day and have been routinely getting at least 3 ounces every day to freeze. A week ago I started to really increase the water I was drinking, and I drink Mothers Milk Tea two to three times a day. That seems to be making a difference as well. It is quite amazing how sensitive my body is when I don't drink enough. One day last week I forgot to push the water, and the next day there just wasn't enough for him. I won't make that mistake again. My breasts have started to really tingle at times. I'm guessing this is let down? Either way, it is an interesting feeling.

It is such a great feeling for me, to know I can give this amazing little boy every thing he needs; all the nourishment and love his can take. All the things I couldn't give TB, or he wouldn't take from me. It doesn't take away the sadness I will always have that I could never do that for TB. It does make me incredibly grateful that I was able to experience all this though. I will never take it for granted.

New Years eve update

So Amazing Daddy dragged me to the doctors about ten days ago. She medicated me up and I'm finally starting to feel a little better. Still not all butterflies and bunny rabbits, but I wasn't quite that before either. At least every other thought isn't how everyone would be better off if I left. AD has been a rock through this.



Baby Brother continues to enchant me most of the time. We saw his first smile the Saturday before Christmas. Now he smiles all the time. And has the most adorable little cooing sounds.



He also amazes me with the sheer amount of gas he produces. I mean this boy can toot! And the last couple days it has started to really smell! Which makes me wonder just what I've been eating to cause that smell. I thought breast poops weren't supposed to smell. Or was that just wishful thinking on my part? Any thoughts fellow mommy's? Is this amount of gas normal? It's so frequent that now The Boy blames all his toots on his Baby Brother.

Breast feeding has been interesting. Lately he's been at them all day long! It was getting a bit overwhelming. Twice over the weekend I gave him a bottle and both times he sucked down over two ounces of formula, so it finally hit me that maybe I wasn't producing enough at one time to fill him up. So this weekend I started to pump periodically through out the day. This morning I woke up with mammoth mam's. Wowzers! He's had a nice full belly today! He even took a three hour nap for me in his car seat this afternoon after a little stroll around the neighborhood. I feel like a new woman! Now I need to work on getting him to sleep at night without me holding him.



The Boy has been doing great with him! None of the aggression we had feared has surfaced. He's actually very gentle with him and frequently asking how he's doing. He doesn't care for it when he cries, but then again, I don't either. He seems to be handling my depression ok as well, but I know he's aware of it and I hate that. I hate that he sees me cry at times. Although he does tend to behave better when I'm crying.

So happy new year everyone! And with this I'm off to go change a diaper that smells strangely like buttered popcorn.

More of everything than I thought possible

I can't believe it has been over three weeks since I gave birth to our newest little miracle, known in bloggy land now as Baby Brother (or BB). So many posts I've created in my head during our hours long nursing sessions, but this is truly one of the first times I've had both hands free.

So...as the title says...more of everything.

More love for this little guy than I ever thought possible. He's such a cute little old man baby. All scrunched up little face, so expressive. He's a fairly good sleeper, and we have been very lucky that he never had his days and nights screwed up. He took to breastfeeding right away too. He's definitely a mommy's boy and prefers to be in my arms and attached to the nipple 24/7.

More intense love and gratefulness for my husband than ever before. Amazing Daddy was, well yes, amazing during the birth of Baby Brother and he's continued to be amazing since then. He's pretty much taken over the care of The Boy since I haven't been able to (physically or mentally - more on that later). And he's done a great job of taking care of me while I try an take care of BB

More freaking pain and discomfort than I ever thought my crotch could handle. So yeah, BB did no come out easily. I have a birth story started that hopefully I'll finish and post soon, but in a nut shell he ended up as a forceps delivery, and boy howdy, let me tell you, talk about some trauma to the old cooter. I may never be the same again down there, at least without some surgical correction. At risk of sharing TMI, the stitches in my episiotomy dissolved too soon so I'm healing from the inside out, rather than the outside in. I won't know for a couple weeks whether or not it all comes back together or not. And let me just say, NO ONE TOLD ME I'D BE PEEING MYSELF after this. Maybe I was in the bathroom during that part of child birth class...

More feelings of isolation than I expected. I admit it, this is harder than I ever expected. And I know I'm incredibly lucky because I have an easier baby than most. But damn, I feel so alone at times. So lonely during the day. So isolated. I never expected these types of feelings. I don't even feel like I can admit to not being overwhelmingly happy after everything we went though to get here. Are IF'ers allowed to admit that they aren't 100 percent happy once they have the baby? I think I may be a little bit past the baby blues and teetering on the edge of PPD. It sucks feelings like this...

More NOT in to Christmas this year than I ever believed possible. There will be no Christmas cards sent out this year, no decorating of the house, etc. We are lucky that we got a tree up for The Boy, and some presents ordered to be delivered to my parents house for Xmas morning. Saturday night we have a baby sitter scheduled for TB so AD and I can go out and do some shopping. It's funny, I always thought having maternity leave over Christmas would be the perfect time. That I'd have the house all decorated, cookies made, home made gifts galore for my family, etc. etc. etc. Bah, humbug...I just can't be bothered to even think about any of it this year. And that's how I know it's time to call the doctor for some medication adjustments.