Keeping your Naughty Mom Groove in the groove

If you are in any way related to me, or to my husband, stop reading now. 

See the X up there in the top right corner? Go there and click it. 

Now. 

Seriously.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

No, I mean it. Get out of here.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Are you still here? Really? Have you no self-control?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Infertility treatment pretty much takes the fun out of sex. You are told when to do it. You are told when not to do it.  And sometimes you are told to do it (if you are a man anyway) in a cup. And then put the cup in a sock and shove it between your wife's boobs as you try and get it to the lab within the specified amount of time. 

And for some of us lucky gals the entire act of getting pregnant doesn't even need to involve the man being physically present. I like to joke that there were five people in the room when I got pregnant with Kiel, and Rich wasn't one of them. Boy has that resulted in a few odd looks from people that don't know the story.

Once you get pregnant, if you are one of the lucky ones, and you can have sex when ever you want to, you are, well pregnant. And your boobs hurt, and you are nauseous, and omfg you are tired! And the LAST thing you want is someone touching your naughty bits.

If you are lucky you might have a couple months while you are pregnant and the hormones find that magic mix and "omfg I am so tired" turns into "omfg I am so horny!!"  Unfortunately, at least for me, that stage didn't last past the eighth month. And sadly it hasn't really returned.

As mothers we all know it is hard to get back in the sex groove after giving birth. And when you end up with the Frankenvulva family taking up residence in your nethers it is even more difficult. 

Being tired and feeling frazzled a good deal of the time doesn't help this either. In all honesty, by the time I get to go to bed I just want some time alone, with nothing touching me.

So you have to get a little creative to make sure that spark you had when you were first married remains. 

Sometimes keeping that spark means you add some toys. And sometimes those toys are discovered by the baby sitter, like I wrote about here.  

Sometimes it means you get caught by your six-year old "doing yoga."

And sometimes you read a book like Kristen Chase's The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms that reminds you it's important to keep doing that "yoga," just make sure you double check the lock on the bedroom door first.

So here is a little something I wrote last May, that is perfectly suited to Kristen's discussion about "getting caught."

Caught with our pants down and ass in the air

I pride myself on being pretty honest on my blog. Some might say too honest...to the point of TMI. But how can I not share the stuff that makes me laugh? And this morning, I was in hysterics.

You know, with two kids, one of who still sleeps in our room, the opportunity for Rich and I to "get busy" doesn't happen as often as he'd we'd like.

Last night, Rich and I went out to dinner for my birthday. We had a wonderful time and enjoyed great food, even better wine, and each others company. And then we came home and were too stuffed and too tired to enjoy each others company in the nekkid way we had planned.

So this morning Rich settled Noah in front of the TV watching a movie with Kiel, with strict instructions to stay there because he was going to be upstairs with Mommy, and Mommy and Daddy would be deciding how much candy he could have today while they were up there.

So Rich met me upstairs and we got our Sunday morning quickie on. There we are, Rich on top, nekkid butt towards the door (which of course he locked! Come on peoples, we aren't that bad of parents). When all of a sudden we hear "DAD, What are you Doing?" with more confusion in Noah's voice than I've ever heard before. It appears the door was locked, yet it hadn't quite latched itself fully into the door frame.

My quick response: "Exercise, we're exercising Noah."

Rich's quick response: "Yoga, Mommy and Daddy are doing yoga."

Noah: "That's not yoga Daddy."

And that's all he said. Rich was up by then and I was covered up (and laughing hysterically in my pillow) and Noah just wanted to know why we were taking so long to decide about his candy.

Hopefully we didn't scar him for life. He doesn't have a clue about sex yet. I wonder what he'll remember when he finally understands just what we were doing when he saw Daddy doing push-ups on Mommy.

So how about you guys? What are your "caught by your kids" stories? Or even worse, when you caught your own parents! 

Originally posted on May 03, 2009.

This post is part of the Silicon Valley Moms Book Club featuring The Mominatrix Guide To Sex by Kristen Chase.  I received a free copy of the book as part of the book club and monthly discussion.  

Day 5 of my 4th Blogoversary celebration! With a giveaway from Edenfantasys.com!

It's been an exciting week here in Mommy Needs Therapy land! My blogs 4th birthday! My first week of contests! The first time I'm giving away something that will make you squee with pleasure well, if you are one of those noisy ladies anyway...heh! And I'm not talking about the six-month supply of laundry detergent I'm giving away either! (But, you can still enter that contest if you didn't already!)

Drew G. with Eden Fantasys, my favorite adult toy store, has generously agreed to help me celebrate my 4th Blogoversary with a fun, fun, fun giveaway!

He gave me a couple options to choose from:

I Rub my Wormie

The I Rub my Wormie well you know I do, but we are talking about YOU right now!

This discreet sex toy looks like an innocent massager, perfect for when you’d like to have a vibrator handy but don’t necessarily want to leave one out for your mother-in-law the babysitter all to see.

Press the button on the tail to select one of three vibration speeds to suit your pleasure. The petite sectioned body, large round head, and nubby feet on the underside all feel great against your body.

Completely waterproof, the I Rub My Wormie Travel Size can join you in the bathtub or shower for some wet and wild fun.

And it comes in either pink or green! Cute, cute, cute!

Or, this one:

Bondage Duckie

Snuggly bound in its shiny black corset and spiked collar, the bondage duck is your best pal in a bathtub. Use it simply as a water toy or squeeze its back to make it a sensual clitoral stimulator. With powerful yet quiet vibrations the duck is also ideal as a general-purpose massager. It is completely waterproof and it floats.

Keeping this one away from your kids is entirely on you! I know I'd have to find somewhere better than the sock drawer for this little duckie!


When it came down to it, I couldn't decide! So you get to choose! If you win that is!

Because this is such an awesome giveaway, and because we should all have our own toys for the bathtub, I'm giving you several ways to enter! Just leave a comment on this post for each entry.

1. Leave a comment here and tell me which toy you would choose.
2. Follow my blog (on the right sidebar, scroll down towards the bottom)
3. Tell me about your fave adult toy (I'm always looking for new ones to try!)
4. Follow @drewg78 on Twitter
5. Follow @momneedstherapy (that's me!) on Twitter
6. Tweet about this contest using the hashtag #efneedstherapy and link to this post - you can tweet once a day, just come back and leave me a comment each time!

Don't forget to enter the giveaways from earlier in the week! Thanks for helping me celebrate my 4th Blogoversary!

You have until Wednesday, August 19th at midnight to enter. I'll announce all the winners on Friday, August 21st. Make sure you leave a way for me to contact you.

This giveaway is open to US and Canadian residents!!!

And I thought last weeks article would freak out my mother!

And because this is how my luck runs, this will probably be the first post of mine my mother ever reads.

I was emailing earlier today with Drew from Eden Fantasys and he asked if I'd be interested in helping to promote their Sex and the Suburbs columns on their online magazine, Sexis.

I was all, Sure, sounds like my kind of column!

And then he sent me the link, and I saw the topic, and my head hit my desk while I simultaneously clenched and blushed. And I'm still fumbling over what to say, so, well, just check it out if you are interested...or curious...or have a drawer full of lube you want to use up.

I dare you!

BlogHer posts coming soon!

When Eden Fantasys, the toddler's sock drawer, and the babysitter collide.

The other day our babysitter was over watching Kiel while Noah and I went to my karate class. (I really need to tell you guys about that sometime.) At the last minute as I was running out the door I pointed to where Kiel's shoes were in case they wanted to go outside.

Getting in the car I saw one of Kiel's socks, which reminded me that he was only wearing one sock at the time. Ehh..I thought, she'll find another one for him. And on my way I went.

A few hours later I was getting Kiel ready for bed and it hit me that he was wearing socks on both feet, and they were cleaner than they usually were at the end of the day because I'm so damn good at keeping my floors clean. And then it really hit me. The baby sitter had put a new pair of socks on Kiel. And to do that, she had to go into Kiel's sock drawer to get them.

Guess what I keep in Kiel's sock drawer. No...really...guess.

Mmmhmmmm....you got it. My "toy" collection. Well, a good portion of it anyway.

Now I know your first thought is "why in the hell does she keep things like that in a baby's sock drawer." And I can understand your confusion. But really, it makes perfect sense. Who is going to go into a sock drawer? Certainly not my boys. It's too high up for Kiel to reach, unlike my bedside drawer where they used to be. And since I was tired of finding Kiel with a vibe in his mouth, it seemed prudent to move them out of his reach. And Noah isn't going to go in there and check it out since its just a boring sock drawer, so no risk of him finding something and asking awkward questions. Questions like "Mom, what's this?" to which I reply with statements like "a back scratcher" or "something that helps mommy write better," etc. All of which I've used before btw.

So yeah, the baby sitter found my toy stash. When I realized it I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. Mostly I laughed. Because my baby sitter is teh awesome! But she's very "pure" and despite being in her 20's (in case you are concerned I'm corrupting a minor), according to her sister has probably never seen "toys" like that.

Rich thinks maybe she really didn't see anything. I'm finding that hard to believe. What do you guys think?


Pretty obvious huh? Even for the uninitiated?

Just in case you see anything interesting in there and want to know what it is I went ahead and labelled everything for you. It's all available at Eden Fantasys btw. My favorite online adult toy store!

click on the picture to enlarge it

And just in case you read this Drew, I know I owe you a review for the "Ooooh! that's it!" G-spot stimulation gel. Sad to say I haven't tried it yet. Things have been a little slow in the bedroom lately.


Reminder: You can vote for me every day for Best Local Blog in Nickelodeon's Parents' Picks Awards! I'm still in third place! I've even moved up from 10% to 11%! Yeah me! It just takes a couple seconds and it would make me feel so good! Yes, my self esteem relies on you! Vote here!

Once again the wonderful people at Eden Fantasys offered to let me review one of their adult toys!

Who thinks working there must be one of the best jobs ever!?!

This time they sent me Little Paul.  I know, Little Paul!  If I was Paul I definitely would not want to be referred to as "little."  And why Paul?  Did Paul design it?  These are some of the things I think about late at night.  Sad, I know...
Annnyyywayyy.....meet Little Paul.  He has eyes, and what looks like a mouth.   And he's kind of segmented, like a worm.  Cute or creepy?  I'm not quite sure yet. Because now all I can think of is him inside my va-jay-jay eying up my cervix.  Or knocking on my G-spot.  Helllooooo  anyone home?  And if there's an echo...well, I had a baby peoples, with forceps, and stitches that came out too soon.  Just saying...

OK, OK, back to Little Paul.

IM LOOKIN AT UR CERVIX AN KNOCKIN ON UR G-SPOT.

Breathe, Katt, breathe.  I'm loosing focus here.  'Cause I'm cracking myself up!

OK, so Little Paul.  When I opened up the package my first thought, after I saw he was made in Germany, was that he's really smooth feeling.  Soft, smooth feeling.  Quite nice actually. I guess that's from the medical grade 100% silicone.

According to the description Little Paul is about half the size of his "colleagues."  Since I don't have much to compare him to I'll take their word for it.  He's definitely smaller than the real thing (yes honey, I mean you and by more than a "little"!).  But he did hit the spot he was intended to hit.  So yes, if you've been following the saga, I have indeed located my G-spot.  Still working on getting it to perform as I'd like, but that's a post for another day.

Of course Little Paul vibrates, because whats the point if it doesn't, right?  There are two push buttons towards the base that control the different vibratory variations. (I kept losing track of where the buttons were though, which was kind of frustrating.)  There are increasing levels of intensity, and then a couple options with different pulsing variations.  And it's quiet, which I really liked.  No worrying you are going to wake someone up.  Like a horny husband the kids.  And a very smooth vibration, if that makes sense.  Ultimately though, I would have liked it more if the intensity had increased a couple more levels.  As I've said before, I need the powerz people.

So, the Pros:  discreet, very quiet, love the feel of the silicone, multi-speed vibration, definitely felt like a well made, quality item,  cute (if you don't think about the eyes)

And the Cons: I didn't like the position of the push-button controls, the vibration wasn't powerful enough for me, moderately pricey at $47.99 (although again, good quality)

If you are looking for a good quality, discreet, G-spot vibe, and you don't require serious power in your vibration, I would say Little Paul is a good choice for you.  I you require the powerz though, like I do, well, we'll keep on looking.

Rich spent his evening with The Boss, and I stayed home and wrote about vibrators

Rich went to a Springsteen concert tonight. And, he's going again tomorrow night. Boy, fans of The Boss are a serious breed.

So what did I do? I stayed home and wrote about adult toys on my review blog. Check it out!

Two questions

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.