Friday, July 10, 2009

And still, it is their loss.

I was sorting through some papers today and I came across the letter that my mother wrote in March. You know, the three typewritten pages full of how awful I am and what a shitty mother I am. Yeah, much love. I stupidly read the letter again today, just to see if it was really as awful as I remembered it. And yes, It was.

There has been no real contact since then, except for cards and flowers sent for birthdays, Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Dad got a cactus for Fathers Day. I wonder if he got the significance. Probably not. The cards include art work from the boys.

My mom sent a type written thank you note for the mothers day flowers. A couple weeks ago a box arrived with Noah's name on it and it was full of buckets and other cheap sand toys. They did send some stuff for Easter as well, like a bag of plastic eggs that needed to be filled with candy and some scary ass stuffed animals. They hang out at WalMart a lot it seems, now that one made it to Fowlerville.

So yeah, I read the letter, and I chuckled a bit. I've had time to process the ridiculousness of it. I do a lot of eye rolling when I think of it.

Yes, part of me still wants to respond to their crazy accusations and revisionist history. But, I know there is truly no point. They aren't going to change how they view our relationship.

So what we have here is a non-relationship. I am now the un-daughter and I'm getting more and more comfortable with it.

All my commitments to them were done in June once Fathers Day was over. Now I have no obligations to them until Christmas.

That is a huge relief!

It's a relief not having to make the weekly phone call, or respond to my mothers two sentence emails with the expected paragraphs.

It's a relief not having to try and explain Noah, his latest diagnosis, or treatment, or why he is at summer camp with a TSS.

It's a HUGE relief that we don't have to make the trip to visit them in Michigan, and that I don't have to put up with them in our house if they visit us here.

I'm still sad with the concept of what is going on - that we have no real contact with my family. It's a strange thing for me. But it is also very freeing.

I'm just sad that it seems I'm losing my brother and sister in law in all of this. I saw my sister was online on yahoo mail a couple weeks ago and I tried to talk to her. She answered me and we spoke for about 2 minutes, then she had to leave. I haven't seen her pop up since, so I'm assuming she has blocked me. Not surprising though that they would take the path my parents are on. I've always been the strange older sister to them too.


1 comment:

  1. I have to admit, when my father blew up at me after finding my blog, things got very quiet. It was relaxing to know he wasn't expecting us to call, or waiting for the right time to lay on a guilt trip because we didn't visit enough.

    My half-sister stopped speaking to me at the same time, too. I can't say any of this has bothered me too much. I never felt like they understood me, so I'm not hurt by their not talking to me. I only wish they'd cut all ties and stop sending my girls gifts, because I don't like writing thank you cards to them.

    Good luck - if you're going to remain the un-daughter, I hope you grow even more comfortable with it!