Finally heard from my parents.
In the form of a three page letter. Snail mail.
Part of me wants to post it here but I'm going to refrain for now. It starts and ends with "we don't want to hurt you, but..." and is all "you are a disrespectful daughter and an ineffective parent that lets her kids run the show" in the middle.
Apparently since college I have frequently spoken rudely to them and am just plain nasty. They are no longer going to tolerate it.
But they do want me to be happy. (yes, they really said that)
So, ummm...yeah, now what...
I'm still processing. Trying to reconcile their obviously negative view of me with how I see myself.
I'm also trying to figure out their revisionist history, which includes my grandmother being my mom's best friend. All I can say to that is "In what universe?"
My therapist has me reading a book called The Borderline Parent, about adult children who had a parent with borderline personality disorder, which she thinks may fit my parents. My homework for her is to write them a letter disputing their letter, or explaining why I feel the way I do, or perhaps both. But not to send it!
I honestly don't believe there is anything I can do that is going to change how they see me or my life. I just need to learn to accept them as the limited emotional people they are and move on. I certainly don't think there will be much/any contact with them in the near future.