Our son, the traffic Gestapo

TB has always done well with his colors. So it was no surprise to Amazing Daddy and myself that he would start translating this knowledge to understanding what red, yellow and green meant on a traffic signal. What we didn't expect was the transformation of TB into the "Traffic Gestapo."

It started out small, as it often does; first, a comment when Daddy turned right on red. Now, tell me, how do you explain the right on red rule to a 3 year old? He seems to have accepted it as a fact, although it took several weeks of squealing "No Daddy (or mommy as the case may be), No, it's red" from the back seat. Now Mommy doesn't do well with loud, expected shrieks frback seatackseat. And the incessant "but why Mommy, why" doesn't help. Imagine my surprise though, when my response of "because Noah, that's the way it is, you just have to accept it" seemed to work.

But the traffic light observations didn't stop there.

Now let me clarify, I'm a fairly law abiding driver; it's always been my opinion that if I don't follow the rules, and I get caught, I deserve the ticket. I'll brag a bit though, because to this day, at the age of 38, I have never actually received a traffic ticket! Of course, I won't be surprised when I get one on my way home tonight. My "lawfulness" tends to annoy my husband at times, especially when I tell him to slow down. It also appears to annoy him (or perhaps drive him f-ing nuts) when I tell him what color the light is. For someone who likes to push the yellow, he's awfully slow to start on the green. I used to joke and say I couldn't wait until TB could take over my job of telling Daddy what color the light is.

So, imagine my reaction, when the other day I was taking TB to preschool and I was stopped at a red light where I needed to make a left turn. The oncoming traffic gets the green first, due to a left turn signal on that side. I don't typically have a problem making that turn at that time of the morning, but I'm always aware of the line of cars behind me which can get rather long. Apparently I was a bit distracted, because there were no oncoming cars and before I got the green I started to turn anyway. TB SHRIEKED at me "MOMMY, NO, it's RED, DON'T GO!" It stopped me in time and I thanked him and told him he did a great job. And he said..."Mommy, that was a BIG THUMBS DOWN!"

Well he told me!

Then a couple days later Amazing Daddy pushed a yellow light when he was making a left turn, and the light turned red as he was going through. Don't even think that TB let that one pass. "Daddy, NO. RED LIGHT. That's a BIG THUMBS DOWN!"

The fight for Mothers day

So which Mom is supposed to get mothers day?

In my husbands family we have his mom, his SIL, his nephew's wife, and me.

MIL has had over 60 Mothers days of her own.

SIL has had over 30.

This is our nephews wife's first Mother's day, so in my mind she has first priority. I'm curious how it went for her since she had both her MIL (pushy Jewish mom, BTW) and her own mother to contend with.

And of course, me. This is my third Mothers day. And the sixth year I've had the joy of spending it with my own MIL.

So really, whose day is it?

It wasn't exactly mine, since I had to spend it with the MIL.

Some how his brother's family disappeared for the day. Amazing Daddy invited them over for dinner, but they never responded. Typical in their rudeness. But that's a topic for another day.

An American Idol shocker?

Yeah, I admit it. I'm an American Idol junky.

Last night, with full confidence I told Sparklyhusband that Chris would be the big winner, and I thought Tayler would be second.

So imagine my surprise when Chris was voted off tonight? Huh? WTF? How did that happen?

Wardrobe malfunction

Wardrobe malfunction - the feline variety

Before you accuse me of animal cruelty, I didn't do it. I had no intention of doing it. And I asked them not to do it. But, they did it anyway.

The Puss in Boots cut

I'm sure it will grow back in a few months. But will it take that long for the other cats to recognize him again? I left them with strict warnings this morning not to tease him, but I forgot to turn on the nanny cam, so I guess I'll never know.



Wardrobe Malfunction part deux


Went out to lunch with one of my coworkers today. Gorged on chips and salsa. Yummmm!

Back in the office with chocolate cake in hand, another coworker comes up behind me and asks if I know that there is a tear in the back of my jeans. Imagining a small hole I say, "why no, I didn't, thank you" as I reach my hand instinctively to my rear. Well low and behold, I don't just have a tear, I have a fucking rip that extends from my waist band down below the pocket on my right side, and my right purple underwear clad cheek, is sticking out for all to see. I'm surprised it wasn't waving a flag.

How this happened you ask? I have no earthly idea. I can't imagine that I didn't notice. Or that no one else did. Although that makes me think that others did, but chose not to tell me. Because of course, everyone enjoys a look at my purple pantied ass. I mean, my goodness, its spectacular in its large, flatness. Thank god for packing tape. Perhaps I can start a new fashion trend.

Sorry, no pictures.

The BIG BOY bed

I've spent the last few weeks redoing TB's bedroom. He's out of the crib and in to a big boy bed now. He's doing great with it!

I thougth I'd show off some pictures of what I did in his "new" room.

You can see the airplanes on his "sky," and the trains and trucks border. I'm very pleased with how it all turned out.

I have a few things I still want to do, like put up some display shelves to put some of his Noah's Ark collection and his Russian toys. The curtains came down and I installed a cellular shade after I took this picture.

I love my Martha Stewart side. I wish I could do it all the time. I'd much rather be "creating" than doing anything else.

Updates on fertility

We are still attempting to move forward with the IVF. I haven't posted much on it because the last big post I did seems to have disappeared. I figured maybe it was telling me something, because it was a long ramble of how unfair everything was. I realize now the cyber world just doesn't need to be polluted with all that negativity.

We talk to the urologist tomorrow about how to move forward. Whether we will do TESE or move on from there. I'd like to get going this cycle, but I think we may have to wait one more. I'm trying to be patient. In the past when I've pushed things too fast I've lived to regret it.

The Dilemma

So here I am, playing around with my blog settings and trying to see if anyone is visiting me. Whoohoo...it looks like a few of you have found me. Including....Amazing Daddy! Hi honey!!

Now it's no secret from him that I have a blog. I even asked if he wanted to read it when I first started it, but he told me no, he'd let me have my privacy. So, imagine when I look at my stats and see that an ISP from his place of work is a frequent visitor. Hmmm...Now, I wonder who that could be? So I call (since I happen to be at work myself) and ask him, wondering if he will lie. Fortunately for him, he's a bad liar, and I think he knows it. He says he looked because I told him not to. I don't actually remember telling him not to, but I do admit that I was writing with the thought he wasn't reading it.

So...The dilemma, do I care that he reads it? Do I edit my thoughts now knowing he is reading it? Or do I just consider it "reader beware" and figure if he doesn't like me talking about his penis he shouldn't look?

Any thoughts on this one ladies and gents?

Dr. Dick and the wayward Sperm -or - The things we do for our wives

So after much begging and cajoling, and use of Amazing Daddy's sexy phone voice, we managed to get in to see Dr. Dick (a.k.a. the fertility urologist) several weeks before our scheduled appointment.

Oh such fun, to sit across his desk and have him tell us nothing...NOTHING...NADA...ZILCH. "Hmmmm....nope, never really seen this happen before. I see you had sperm four years ago....yup...hmmm....blah...blah...blah."

Not one to just let it go...and believe me...I didn't. I pushed the issue a bit. Oh yes...I asked (insert appropriate scary music introduction) Dr. Dick questions...many questions. Questions that resulted in him pulling out a plastic prostate. And much pointing at things.

Ahhhh...Hmmmm...Yes, I understand. So, you can't really say for sure there is a blockage, in fact you don't think so. Hmm...Why Dr. Dick...How can you tell anything if you haven't even looked at my dear husband's penis yourself!!

And if he doesn't have sperm today, what makes you think he'll have some a month from now. And why won't you shove a needle in there and see if you can find any? Unnecessary procedure you say...hmmmm...

Ohhhh....So you'd rather wait for me to take a months worth of hormones, forcing my body first in to menopause, then in to ovarian hyperstimulation, then, and only then, when I have two ovaries bursting out of my abdomen with eggs (going to be optimistic on this one) would you consider trying to extract sperm from my husbands testicles. Really, because money and my health and SANITY comes second to poking the family jewels. Cause what the hell, why not take that big risk and put it all on the line with a chance that there will be no sperm to fertilize all my little eggs.

What? What's that Dr. Dick? Now you say maybe we should have a donor as backup?

Through most of this Amazing Daddy sits quietly back and listens. Perhaps enjoying watching Dr. Dick squirm, or perhaps, just too fucking embarrassed at his wife talking about his penis and prostate and urine flow, etc. etc. etc..

Finally, and I would bet a box of Thin Mints on this, just to shut me up, Dr. Dick said he would scope Amazing Daddys penis to see if there was a blockage in his urethra. So then AD pipes up and says "you owe me one." Oh yeah dear heart, maybe by the 47th time someone has stuck something up your weewee we might be about even, cause shit, the number of times I've had things shoved up my whoha, pieces pulled out, parts left in, etc. Not to mention the number of injections I've given myself and the ones he's poked me in the ass with.

So AD gets poked up both ends and what does Dr. Dick say? "The things we do for our wives."

Apparently AD went home feeling a little squishy that day. Good thing I keep his underwear nice and clean and folded in his drawer for him for these emergency squishy days.

My favorite sugar rush

I made a baby shower cake for one of my coworkers last weekend. We were going to have the shower on Tuesday. Guess we waited to long. She had her baby early that morning. Oh well, we all enjoyed the cake anyway.

Here it is. It was the first time I tried using marshmallow fondant. It was kind of fun. I'll try it again sometime. And the cake only took about 10 hours to make.

Still MIA

What a stellar day Wednesday was.

First, the ovulation test was positive, so the countdown was officially going to start. Amazing Daddy had the Lupron at work and I notified the doctor.

Then Amazing Daddy dropped another sample off at the clinic to be tested. And yet again, those damn spermies are missing in action. And he acts surprised that we haven't been able to get pregnant???

Next step call the urologist to arrange for them to stick a needle in his balls to see if he has sperm but it's blocked. And if he does they'll just take it out and freeze it for our cycle. Well GDMF but they can't get us in until April 26. Don't they know they have a desperate profoundly infertile woman here! And I can only stay well preserved for so long!

I finally got a message through to Dr. Dick (the urologist) about what was going on so he wants SH to have yet another analysis (like they will just magically reappear???). Apparently they don't consider this a life threatening condition. Perhaps some old guy will kick it and we'll get his appointment. We can only hope.