What I learned at BlogHer'09 when I wasn't stalking famous bloggers

Yesterday I heard about the pledge to blog with integrity. It says everything I've been thinking far better than I ever could. I was going to end this post with the pledge, but I think it is more important than any of my blathering about "what I learned at BlogHer" and I don't want you guys to get so bored reading my verbal ditherings, that I decided to put it first. blather, dither, blather...

So here is the pledge:

BLOG with INTEGRITY

By displaying the Blog with Integrity badge or signing the pledge, I assert that the trust of my readers and the blogging community is important to me.

I treat others respectfully, attacking ideas and not people. I also welcome respectful disagreement with my own ideas.

I believe in intellectual property rights, providing links, citing sources, and crediting inspiration where appropriate.

I disclose my material relationships, policies and business practices. My readers will know the difference between editorial, advertorial, and advertising, should I choose to have it. If I do sponsored or paid posts, they are clearly marked.

When collaborating with marketers and PR professionals, I handle myself professionally and abide by basic journalistic standards.

I always present my honest opinions to the best of my ability.

I own my words. Even if I occasionally have to eat them.

You can sign the pledge yourself and get the badge (see my sidebar) at the website.


Now, if you really want to read my blathering...here you go.

I went to BlogHer with some questions I was hoping to answer and some issues I was hoping to work through. Once again I find myself at a crossroads with the direction I want to take my blog and BlogHer was the perfect vehicle to help me start working through the possibilities.

The sessions I went to were all so good! I chose the sessions I wanted to go to by who was speaking/participating in them, and I was not disappointed by the people or the topics.

One issue that came up was about anonymous blogging and if it was possible. Several people were successful (so far), a few started out anonymously and were found out (with major repercussions) and many were open, but really hoped their neighbors never found them.

Last year I made the decision to rename my blog and stop being anonymous. You may recall I had a few incidents in my real life that forced me to decide if I should shut down my old blog and start a new one (which I did) to try and keep my anonymity (which I tried for a while), or just say fuck it, set up a few boundaries as to what I would blog about, and drop the attempt to hide who I am. After much thought, and discussion with Rich because I felt he should have a say in it too, I decided to stop the attempt to be anonymous and just see what happened.

So far so good. I'm very careful about who I tell in my "real life" about my blog, although the more involved I get in the blogging community the more I want to tell people about what I'm doing. I do NOT want my parents to read my blog, not because I regret anything I have written, but because I know they would not be able to understand it and they would be hurt. Even if we aren't speaking, and I don't see that changing anytime soon, I still don't want to hurt them. If they could actually talk to me about what they read and we could have a discussion about it, it would be one thing, but the likelihood of that actually happening is pretty much equal to the likelihood of one of the cats cleaning his own litter box. I guess one can hope though...

One of the issues I've been considering has to do with how I represent Noah on here, and am I being fair in that representation. I went to a session titled Realllly Personal Blogging - How much info is TMI?. It was incredibly relevant to me as I find myself worrying about Noah's reaction to my blog if he ever reads it. I worry about him finding it sometime (years from now) before I show it to him. I want him to understand why I wrote what I wrote, and read it in context. I want him to read it and feel just how much I love him, even if I'm bitching about how difficult being a parent is. I'm not sure I have it all figured out yet, but some wonderful women offered great advice to me during the session, and if I ever put business cards to faces I'll be able to reconnect with them!

Admit it, when you saw the title of that session you thought I was going to say something about how maybe I shouldn't write about my sex life and vibrators, didn't you! And then you got worried I was going to stop writing about my sex life and vibrators, right? Well no worries, MNT wouldn't be MNT with out a vibe here and there.

And as I said earlier, I went to BlogHer considering where I want to go with my blog. I started it as a way to document Noah's childhood so I didn't forget the funny things he did and said, and as a place for me to just vent. And it moved on from there to also discuss special needs, infertility, pregnancy, donor embryos, etc. And somewhere along the way I got a few readers! I'd like to say that having people actually read my blog is just an added benefit, but it is more than that for me, it was and is damn thrilling! I love knowing that there are people that can relate to what I'm writing and find something I say on here either useful, or reassuring, or just plain funny.

I haven't answered the direction question yet, or even if I need to chose a specific direction or focus, but I did realize over the weekend that there are some aspects of my blog and writing that I want to work on. Like:

• I realized that the blogs I read that I truly enjoy and think are either incredibly funny, or just damn well written, are in fact, damn well written. These women put considerable time into their writing and EDIT their posts. What a thought, actually letting a post sit for a while and then editing it! I think I might try it!
• The best blog posts tend to focus on one topic. Although I know some writers that are very skilled at "rambling" I don't think I'm one of them although I know I do it All The Time.
• I know I want this blog to continue to be my outlet, but I also want to blog with purpose. I want to be more involved in the blogging community and to do this I need to read more and interact more.
• I do not want to be a "reactionary" blogger or Twitterer. If you don't know what I mean, check out the whole#nikonhatesbabies saga on Twitter and re-read the Blogging with Integrity information at the beginning of this post. If I'm going to have an opinion here or on another blog I want to know I've thought it through and I know both sides of the story (if relevant). It frustrates me when I'm reading comments on a post and the people commenting take a side without considering the facts, especially when the post is criticizing or responding to something on another woman's blog.
• I've never flamed another blogger, and I never will. If I can't be nice and respectful, I won't say anything at all.

If you made it to this point you must really like me, because I'm not sure I would have kept reading. I wanted to get it down in print though, so I have something to go back to if I feel myself floundering again, like I have been the last few months.

And a little bit of irony about this post? I started writing it early this week and I thought I had it set to publish Friday, but I must have thought I needed to let it sit a bit longer so I could EDIT it. Hah! I almost forgot to go back to it!

The obligatory BlogHer'09 post where I talk about all the wonderful people I met *squee* and discuss my social anxiety until you can't stand it.

Or the post for those of you who really want to know what it is like to go to BlogHer for the first time when you don't know anyone and you are socially stunted.


If you followed me at all over the last few days on Twitter you will know that I found BlogHer'09 amazing! And completely overwhelming. Talk about information and sensory overload!

I met a lot of people and am now totally confused about who I met when and who is who, etc. etc. I still need to go through all my business cards and try and sort things out.

I had a mental list of people that I wanted to meet, many of them women whose blogs I have been reading since I started blogging four years ago. I was able to introduce myself to several of them and even have a conversation with a few. It must be a little strange to some of them to be approached like that by complete strangers. I always feel awkward doing it, so I have a feeling I come off awkwardly too. I was a little disappointed by the responses I received from three blogger's in particular, but to be fair I'm not sure I was approaching them at the most opportune time. And again, hello awkwardness!

I will say though that of the blogging "stars" that I met Anissa at Free Anissa has to be the most genuine person I've ever met! Someday I'm going to get a chance to talk to her when she isn't being accosted by all the other women who want to get in her bra. Jenny The Bloggess was the most gracious when I accosted introduced myself to her, and has me pretty much believing she actually knows who I am! And there was Jozet at Halushki, who was very calm and collected when I realized I was sitting right next to her during one of the sessions and screamed "OMG, I love you, you are on my LIST!" like a total dweeb. She is also one of the most talented writers I know and I think she might even, like, talk to me again sometime!! Squeee!

Socially, in some areas I think I did better than I expected. Not knowing anyone there forced me to sit down at tables with strangers during the meals and sessions, and in doing so I met some very nice and very interesting women. In small settings (when I'm sitting down especially??) I'm not bad at actually talking with people.

I didn't however, make it to any of the parties in the evening, and I'm still deciding if I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't. Friday night I was exhausted by the time the sessions were over and was asleep by 10pm. Although I regret that I missed the specific parties that were held that night, I think staying in was the better choice. Saturday I don't have a good excuse for staying in, other than I really don't LIKE big parties with lots of noise and lots of people. So I have this internal debate going on, where I alternate between telling myself that its OK that I don't like parties and that there is nothing wrong with not going to something I don't like, and telling myself that I'm a looser and need to make myself do these things. I'm sure that because I didn't go to the parties I missed several opportunities to actually get to know some of the women I've wanted to meet for a while.

I've always been shy, and I don't think that is something that just goes away. It doesn't matter how many happy pills I take...the social anxiety doesn't ever really go away. I pretty much feel like I'm right back in high school.

Over all I'm very happy with the experience I had. I'll talk more tomorrow about what I learned and what I took home with me (and I'm not talking about the swag!). I think I'll do a few things differently next year, like have a roommate, who will hopefully force encourage me to do more socially while holding my hand. I'll also do some more networking before I go and have some firm plans to meet with some of the women I've come to know online over the last couple years, that I feel especially comfortable with. And I'll make sure that I don't get a case of the runs in the middle of the Community Keynote and have to leave and miss a bunch of great speakers! Yeah, for real...

Headed to BlogHer'09 tra-la tra-la! Please ignore my shaking hands.

OK, so I'm basically packed for BlogHer and ready to go. I'm nervous as hell, although once Rich helped me figure out what to wear that settled down a little bit.

I'm a little bummed that I'm likely going to miss out on all the social functions tomorrow though, although the reason is awesome. I'm going to see my best friend Jocelyn (hopefully) and my best friend from college - Kristin.

Kristin is picking me up from the airport. The original plan was Jocelyn would meet us at the hotel and the three of us would hang out all evening and have a PJ party in the room. And maybe I'd slip out to a few events, or try and sneak them in with me.

Well, Jocelyn's husband sucks and he's not doing anything to help with their kids and she couldn't find anyone to watch them Friday morning, so she can't stay. I guess the plan now is to meet her an hour or so outside of Chicago for dinner.

So, back to BlogHer...I'm nervous. I didn't do the pre-conference networking I had planned on doing so I'm pretty much going there not knowing anyone. My biggest social fear! And, I'm not sharing a room with anyone, which is great from the wanting to sleep by myself with no kids or cats waking me up standpoint, but not so good from the having someone make me leave me room standpoint.

So if you are at BlogHer and you are reading this, please make sure I leave my room!

Thank you!

On a completely different note, this past week has been a week of firsts, which I'm prepared to share with you all now.

• I used a neti pot for the first time. I can't say I have enjoyed it; however, my sinuses do feel clearer. Not as dramatically as I had expected though.

• I used the Diva cup for the first time. Definitely a learning curve there, but I think I got it down. Most definitely something I'm going to stick with.

• Kiel had his first haircut, which I wrote about earlier this week.
• Noah decided to listen to the boys in his group at camp when they told him peeing on the pavilion floor would be funny. So he dropped trough and peed on the floor. All the children laughed, then promptly tattled on him. The adults were pretty much dumbfounded, as was I when they told me.

• Noah earned his yellow belt in Karate!

• Kiel said "hat" today.

• Noah has decided he is a contortionist. Evidence below:
• 
• Rich sent me flowers at work on Tuesday. Unfortunately I wasn't actually AT work on Tuesday. Ooopps. I did get them today though and they are gorgeous! I think he wants to make sure I really do come home on Sunday after my little taste of freedom.
• Please ignore the pile of junk next to them. And yes, there are two bottles of wine sitting there. What you don't see is the bottle of vodka, bottle of rum, and bottle of tequila that are sitting next to the wine.

• And, of course, I am going to BlogHer tomorrow, also a first. And my first time away since well before Kiel was born. Wheeee....

OK, I'm off to bed, where I'll probably not sleep because of nerves and excitement.

Remind me to tell you about the EMDR I did with my therapist in preparation for BlogHer. Yeah, that's how bad my social anxiety is. And if you really want a laugh ask me how my ball of yarn is.