Thursday, December 13, 2007

More of everything than I thought possible

I can't believe it has been over three weeks since I gave birth to our newest little miracle, known in bloggy land now as Baby Brother (or BB). So many posts I've created in my head during our hours long nursing sessions, but this is truly one of the first times I've had both hands free. the title says...more of everything.

More love for this little guy than I ever thought possible. He's such a cute little old man baby. All scrunched up little face, so expressive. He's a fairly good sleeper, and we have been very lucky that he never had his days and nights screwed up. He took to breastfeeding right away too. He's definitely a mommy's boy and prefers to be in my arms and attached to the nipple 24/7.

More intense love and gratefulness for my husband than ever before. Amazing Daddy was, well yes, amazing during the birth of Baby Brother and he's continued to be amazing since then. He's pretty much taken over the care of The Boy since I haven't been able to (physically or mentally - more on that later). And he's done a great job of taking care of me while I try an take care of BB

More freaking pain and discomfort than I ever thought my crotch could handle. So yeah, BB did no come out easily. I have a birth story started that hopefully I'll finish and post soon, but in a nut shell he ended up as a forceps delivery, and boy howdy, let me tell you, talk about some trauma to the old cooter. I may never be the same again down there, at least without some surgical correction. At risk of sharing TMI, the stitches in my episiotomy dissolved too soon so I'm healing from the inside out, rather than the outside in. I won't know for a couple weeks whether or not it all comes back together or not. And let me just say, NO ONE TOLD ME I'D BE PEEING MYSELF after this. Maybe I was in the bathroom during that part of child birth class...

More feelings of isolation than I expected. I admit it, this is harder than I ever expected. And I know I'm incredibly lucky because I have an easier baby than most. But damn, I feel so alone at times. So lonely during the day. So isolated. I never expected these types of feelings. I don't even feel like I can admit to not being overwhelmingly happy after everything we went though to get here. Are IF'ers allowed to admit that they aren't 100 percent happy once they have the baby? I think I may be a little bit past the baby blues and teetering on the edge of PPD. It sucks feelings like this...

More NOT in to Christmas this year than I ever believed possible. There will be no Christmas cards sent out this year, no decorating of the house, etc. We are lucky that we got a tree up for The Boy, and some presents ordered to be delivered to my parents house for Xmas morning. Saturday night we have a baby sitter scheduled for TB so AD and I can go out and do some shopping. It's funny, I always thought having maternity leave over Christmas would be the perfect time. That I'd have the house all decorated, cookies made, home made gifts galore for my family, etc. etc. etc. Bah, humbug...I just can't be bothered to even think about any of it this year. And that's how I know it's time to call the doctor for some medication adjustments.


  1. It is a bit of a whirlwind, isn't it? I hear you on the social isolation- I've gotten very good at holding the phone in my ear while I nurse just to have some human contact. FYI, I found that weeks 2-6 were the worst and you are right in the thick of it. Just keep an eye on things and if you start to feel yourself slipping into an abyss, get help. If it seems slightly overwhelming, but managable, hang in there- it does get a whole lot better.
    Went to the post office the other day and sent you a package- you should be getting it soon.

  2. Oh, I am so happy he is finally here!! It must be terrible to feel so isolated. I am sorry. But I am very happy for you and your sweet family!