mutterings and tidbits

Tidbits: Took Ambien to the vet this morning and they took 350 mL's of fluid out of her abdomen. A surprisingly easy procedure. The vet let me go back with her and assist, which I think kept Ambien calm. They did a quick ultrasound on her abdomen and there is a large mass on her spleen that was not there a week ago. What ever has taken over her is growing fast.

She is still happy though and following me around the house. She wants to be cuddled now more than ever. She doesn't have the strength to jump up on the couch or bed herself anymore, but she will meow at me until I lift her up. Right now she is laying on the arm of the couch with her right front paw on my knee, and purring. I think she feels better without all that fluid in her abdomen. She's not eating at all anymore though, so I know we are just on a slow march to the end.

Thank you to everyone here and on Twitter for all the support and love you have given me and Ambien!

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Muttering: I just put my hand in the couch and found a wad of bubble gum. Son readily confessed that it was his from last night and he was trying to hide it from Daddy. Am using all the patience I have to control myself. Not worth yelling about MNT, you yell enough as it is.

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Tidbit: So I mentioned in an email to my ex boyfriend that I had a blog and I was up for a local award, and that I occasionally wrote about vibrators. He must have googled me and found my blog. Hi Fred! Guess if you didn't know I was a bit crazy before you do now!

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Muttering: Why does Noah make a big mess and then assume I'm going to help him clean it up? How do I get him to understand if he throws a deck of cards all over the floor he's quite capable of picking them all up too? Six year olds can be such butt heads! But, truly six is so much better than four.

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Muttering: The odor that comes from my son's butt is unbelievably obnoxious. Stop farting when you sit next to me! And this damn encopresis is going to be the end of me. If I have to clean poop out of his underwear any more, well, I'm really not sure what I'm going to do. I truly don't understand if he can control it or not. Which makes it hard to know whether or not to punish him.

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Muttering: Does he ever stop talking? I swear I hear him talking in his sleep!

Reminder: It is not OK to use duct tape on your child.

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Reminder: You can vote for me every day for Best Local Blog in Nickelodeon's Parents' Picks Awards! It would be nice to at least stay in third place. It would be even better if I could get more than 10% of the vote! I'm not to proud to beg! Please, Vote here!

Kitty Hospice

We found out Thursday that our cat Ambien has cancer. I noticed a little over a week ago that she has lost a lot of weight. I had noticed over the last month or so that she seemed to be sleeping more than usual and that she wasn't sleeping with me at night as often as she had been. She goes in cycles with that though, and tends to not sleep with me as it gets warmer out, so it didn't raise a huge red flag for me.

Then one day I picked her up, which I don't usually do because she doesn't like it, and I realized that she felt like fur and air, and not much more. And I cried. Because I knew right then something was wrong.

The vet did blood work and sent me home with some cans of food to try and orders to spoil her rotten and do what ever I could to get her to eat. The next day she called and said her blood work was all normal, which was odd, considering how much weight she had lost. So we decided to give her a few days to see if I could get her to eat. I did that, and she really wasn't eating, so I took her in for an ultrasound Thursday to see if there was something going on in her abdomen.

And there is. They found several masses on her liver, and another further back in her abdomen. She has some fluid in her belly as well. Its not clear what the masses are, but the most likely scenario by far is cancer (probably mets from another site). We could have the mass aspirated and biopsied, but it won't change the course of treatment, because we won't subject her to chemotherapy. I just can't justify making her life miserable for a treatment that probably won't prolong her life for long, because the chance that it is a treatable cancer is pretty slim. There is more involved in the decision, but ultimately it doesn't look good. Having a husband whose specialty is oncology has certainly made understanding all of this easier, and it allows us to view it a little more clinically I guess.

The vet gave her a corticosteroid shot on Friday and subcutaneous fluids and we were told to bring her back on Saturday for more fluids if she responded positively. Well, she has perked up quite a bit and has been more social this weekend than she has been for a few weeks. She still isn't eating much though. The vet thinks she may have a partial obstruction somewhere which is making her nauseous, thus her lack of interest in food.

Last week I went to the store and bought twenty cans of cat food. I basically have every brand and flavor the store had. None of them has really excited her. Some she hasn't even tasted. Some are so smelly I can't imagine she would even want to. She doesn't seem to be much of a seafood lover (like her mommy). The most excitement she has shown is over some of the chunky ones with gravy, although all she did was lick the gravy. She doesn't seem to be a fan of the flaky ones. Can I just say that the flavors of some of these sound better than what I eat most days. Fancy stuff! Stell and Rhone are eating like kings, let me tell you. Ambien however, rarely more than a few bites of any of them.

Since the fluids are making a difference the vet tech showed me how to give them to her. Tonight Rich and I gave her 150 mL's of lactated ringers in the skin under her neck. She's a good girl and made it easy on us.

If we can't get her to eat though, she isn't going to be long for this world. The vet said that with fluids she'll make it a few weeks, but gradually she'll just become less and less "alive." I can't think about that too deeply or I break down. Just typing this I'm tearing up. As soon as I stop thinking clinically I lose it.

She's my little girl. Has been since I brought her home 14 years ago. This really sucks, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it.