Monday, January 22, 2007

Giant blob of nothing? Or just the most depressing day of the year?

Imagine my surprise to find out today is the most depressing day of the year. So it's really not that I'm just a giant blob of nothingness?

Just a crappy day - first day back after hand surgery, my incision isn't healing well and the stitches dissolved before they should have, The Boy was more than a handful yesterday, and apparently the hormones are making me a little crazy this time.

I just wrote a big blurb about working and feeling under appreciated, blah, blah, blah, but I deleted it since there is always the chance someone from work could read this. Let me just say Congrat's NG, you deserve it, I'm just sorry that the balance I've been waiting to get back for the last four months isn't going to happen after all. So yeah, being the lowest paid and having the cube by the bathroom is kind of bothering me.

I came home crying tonight and Amazing Daddy thinks I've really lost my mind. Poor guy.

I don't think staying home last week and doing nothing but read, sleep, eat and watch TV was all that great for my mental health.

Overshadowing all of this wallowing we found out last Friday that one of our cats has cancer. He had a lump removed from his butt last week and the pathology came back indicating its an adenocarcenoma. Apparently the prognosis is poor. He's ten, and one of the sweetest, easy going cats I've ever known. More like a dog sometimes. He's incredibly needy and would be in our laps all the time if possible. Almost too needy, especially at 4 in the morning. So now he's walking around with one of those goofy collars on his neck so he can't lick his hiney. We could take him to a specialist and give him chemo, but that just doesn't seem right. Plus, to be quite frank, we just don't have the cash for that right now. This lump removal has already cost us close to a grand.

And talk about money. We have to go to a Bat Mitzvah in South Carolina for AD's best friends daughter in March. So two plane tickets, two or three nights at a hotel, a rental car, at least two new outfits (cause not only is there the service and a luncheon, but also a dinner reception that evening (cocktail attire, doncha know)) and despite what AD says I can't wear the same outfit to both events. And don't forget the gift for the bat mitzvah girl. And since they are rich I guess the check has to be even more than usual (apparently the going rate is between $150 and $300 these days). This is one Jewish custom I just don't get. I do not understand treating a bar or bat mitzvah like a freaking wedding.

And to add insult to injury, AD told this friend of his last fall that I'd lost 50 pounds (which was way more than I had really lost) despite my asking him not to. So you can imagine how excited I am to see them considering I gained it all back with this damn fertility shit. Of course it's all my insecurities coming out, but damn it, I've never felt very comfortable with them.

The only thing that will save me now is if I get pregnant, because AD has said in the past he doesn't want me to travel during the first trimester. But you know, that won't happen because I'm fertily cursed.


  1. I'm sorry about your kitty and that all the #$*& seems to be hitting the fan at the same time.

    I am very excited about your donor embryo cycle... what's happening?

  2. Work stresses suck!

    I hope you get to miss out on the trip in March. Let us know whats up.