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Am I like the biggest tease ever?

I'm sorry guys, I see you keep coming back looking for an update and there is nothing here. I plan on having a post up on the Philly Moms Blog sometime tomorrow. I'll link to it just as soon as its up. I just want to make sure I do right by the subject, so it is taking me longer to write than I thought.

Until then go here, here and here and read about the issue. And lets have a conversation about it, either on MNT or on PMB when its posted.

And while you are waiting you can check out what I had to say about the 2010 Census and having to differentiate between "biological" and "adopted" children. It also got picked up here.

We'll probably have to move now.

Tonight I stood up in a cafeteria full of parents attending a "community" meeting and spoke the only dissenting opinion.

I'll write more about the issue and the actual meeting later when I've stopped shaking.

But in a nut shell I sat through a three hour meeting full of reactionary fear based on poor information. A meeting where the vast majority of the people there had made a decision on the issue before they even got there. And once they were there didn't want to really listen to the answers to their questions.

I attended the meeting because I wanted to see how my community acted with each other. I never planned on speaking up. Mostly I wanted to make sure I understood the issue and then be able to go "hyper local" for a blog post on the Philladelphia Moms Blog. 

But I just couldn't take it by the end when not a single person there spoke up expressing concern for anyone but their own families. 

Fear. A room full of fear. Reactionary fear.

And I spoke up and said I was saddened by the lack of compassion in my own community. 

And while I was doing it I knew it wasn't making me popular.

I told Rich I'm pretty sure I never said my name, so we may be OK. 

Except for giving my name to the reporter that was there. Oh crap.

I've been remiss

First, thank you thank you to everyone that commented, emailed, left messages on Facebook and Twitter with words of concern and support! I hope each and every one of you know how much it means to me!

And second, I am so sorry to have left some of you hanging this past week as to how Rich is doing. I did answer emails and it was posted on facebook, but I never quite made it to MNT until now.

So, Rich is doing great! He was released from the hospital late Monday afternoon on oral antibiotics and with strict orders to return if the pain or swelling increased. He isn't going back to work until tomorrow so had some time to rest and enjoy having the house to himself for a couple days. He did laundry for me and caught me back up on the folding that didn't get down while he was in the hospital.

The boys are obviously both ecstatic to have him back.

So Rich's hand is almost back to normal. It swells a little if he uses it too much and there is still some pain if he hits the wrong place. It is a good thing he is going back to work tomorrow. Just saying...

So I am now even further behind than I was before he was admitted. When I came up to bed at 10pm to have an hour to read or write myself to sleep, in actuality I had to give one cat his pills, then his treats, then rotate a load of laundry out of the dryer so I could put another load in. And while doing that I realized the cat was peeing in my wicker laundry basket. So I had to scrub that out. And then I cleaned out the litter box since I'm fairly sure he was protesting that. And then I realized that I never washed Kiel's sheet and blanket for daycare tomorrow, so that load is in there now. I just hope I remember to put it in the dryer in time. And then I had to feed the cats, refill the canister I store the food in, get them clean water, and pull out Kiel's clothes for tomorrow.

But we are all fine now. Kiel is recuperating from his double ear infection and is just as cute as ever. Noah had two great days on Thursday and Friday at school. And we had our first water ice of the season yesterday and sat out on the deck today.

I went to a very interesting conference on autism yesterday which I'll have to take some time and tell you about later. I found some new resources that may be helpful and heard of another grant I think Noah will be eligible for.

On the sleep front Noah has not brought any more bologna into bed with me. Whew. Unfortunately he is still having a lot of trouble sleeping and is awake for hours at a time (like right now) or at 3am. In fact the other night he managed to order a $6 movie on demand from Verizon. Guess we need to utilize those child locks on the remote. I am stumped as to what to do with him when he's so wide awake. He says he just wants to go down and watch TV, but it makes me very uncomfortable to have him downstairs in the middle of the night when we aren't there. He gets into all kinds of food, which really isn't a big deal, and so far he hasn't damaged anything like he did a year or so ago when this happened (honey all over the dining room floor and piano). But still, I'm always on alert now and I do worry about what he might do, but even more I worry about how his next day will be because he didn't get enough sleep.

So tell me? How was your weekend? Did you do something fun?

DVD giveaways up on MNT Review blog!

Enter here and here and here!

Nice try Universe

Took that one as a challenge didn't you Universe.

Well hah, I'm still smiling.

Noah waking me up to get in bed with me and Kiel at 12:30. No problem.

Rolling over to put my hand on bologna. Yeah, you might have had me for a few seconds there. But by then Noah was ready to go back to his own bed after a firm warning to never bring bologna into my bed again.

And at 2:30am when Kiel woke up and projectile vomited chocolate milk and scrambled eggs into my face and all over the bed. Well fuck you, because by then I was too tired to to do anything but be thankful Kiel was fever free and all I had to do was change our clothes and the sheets. And besides, when I found four more pieces of bologna in the bed I had a good laugh.

Realizing Noah was down stairs at 4am watching TV and doing who knows what. Ehhh...at least he didn't have any more bologna to spread around the house.

And when I did make it downstairs I felt the need to praise him because at least he kept the two bottles of dish soap he had emptied in the sink! We have made progress over honey on the piano! Yeah Noah!

So, plan for the day is to take Kiel to the pediatrician as soon as they call. One of Noah's ex-TSS's is taking Noah for a few hours. She's going to earn every dollar I pay her, but she loves him and won't put up with any of his shit. And he loves being with her.

And since Kiel seems to be better I may get a few hours to go over to the hospital and see Rich this afternoon.

So yeah Universe, game on! I call bologna on you!

Seriously universe? Seriously? Is that all you've got?

So Rich is still in the hospital, but he's improving. He'll be there until at least Monday, but I'd be surprised if it was any longer than that. (Don't read the rest of this paragraph if you are easily skeeved.) They haven't completely eliminated the possibility of surgery, but they want to see how he's doing tomorrow and do an MRI before they open him up. There isn't any visible evidence of actual pockets of infection (essentially pockets of puss) so they'll use the results of the MRI to help decide if there is anything to go in and drain. Of course we are hoping for no surgery, because the place they lanced in the ER is really the only part that is super painful for him and cutting in more places is just going to make the pain worse.

Rich's extended family has been great checking in and offering to help not only with the kids but with his mom. Our baby sitter has been amazing and super flexible. And, good friends of ours took Noah for the afternoon today despite the fact they have a shit load of family crap going on themselves.

Thanks to everyone on my side of the family (extended) that has checked in and sent good wishes!

Unfortunately, I came home this evening to a little boy with a 102 degree temp. He hasn't been himself all week, probably longer. Between the Fifths Disease rash, and the sinus congestion he's pretty pathetic. Of course he really misses his daddy and having me gone all day isn't helping.

So, I'll take him to the pediatrician tomorrow and if he isn't feeling better I'll stay home with him. I know I never wanted anyone but my own mommy with me when I was sick.

I hate that Rich may be by himself all day but since he's doing so much better I think I really need to be with the boys. Noah is asking if Daddy is going to die and showing more of his "stress" behaviors. If Kiel is feeling better I'll try and get Noah over to the hospital to spend a little time with Rich.

So yeah, Universe? You'll have to try harder, because right now I've got this covered.

Rich is in the hospital

Rich is in the hospital with cellulitis in his left hand. It came on fast and hard and 24 hours of oral antibiotics did nothing.

He's had two doses of IV Zosyn and still has an elevated temperature and heart rate. The redness and swelling have continued to increase.

They are concerned about MRSA and some bizarre organism that I've never heard of because he bit off a hangnail. I just had a chance to look up what Zosyn covers and it does not cover MRSA.

So now I'm just a little more scared than I already was. 

I want to be there with him, but I need to be home with the boys too. And I need a good night sleep since the last couple haven't been great first because Kiel was sick, and last night because I was worried about Rich and kept checking on him.

I'm so tired and scared.

It's a gorgeous day! And I saved a butt load of money!

It's 60 degrees and we are outside! Yeah spring!

I'm working and the boys are playing in the last of the snow piles with shovels, dump trucks and a play shopping cart. In between moving of snow piles Noah is teaching Kiel how to play baseball. Just a wonderful afternoon!

And, Kiel and I did some shopping this morning and I wanted to show off some of what we scored. I've been heavy into coupons since January and am starting to save a fair amount of money. I'm still figuring it all out and its taking more time than I'd like, but I'd say I'm averaging a good 50% saving most of the time.

Today though I bought all of the stuff in this picture for $5.89 after a $10 rebate that I can submit online.

Wishing for magic...

I just finished reading through 29 pages of Noah's draft individualized education pla n (IEP) document for his annual IEP meeting tomorrow. It hurts me, physically hurts me, reading all of this. OK, it's more the nasty head cold I have creating the headache, but it still causes emotional pain.

No one wants their child to struggle. No one wants their child to hurt. No one wants their child to be sick, physically or mentally.

I find myself thinking at times that I would give anything to know that Noah is going to be OK in a year, or five years, or ten years, or as an adult. That he is going to be happy, fulfilled, successful. To know that everything we are doing now, all the struggling, all the second-guessing, all the money we are spending on doctors and therapy, the changes to our life that we have made, the family we have lost, that ALL of that is going to pay off and all the hard work he is doing, we are doing, is going to turn that mixed-up brain around and he is going to be OK.

Yes, our definition of "OK" has changed over the years, hell, even the last few months. We recognize that "OK" is not that cookie-cutter, story-book child we once dreamed of (boy, wouldn't that be boring!). We also understand that "OK" is going to change. "OK" is fluid.

But still, I dream at times that magic would happen. That I could do one very special thing and Noah would just be a regular seven year old boy. I have no freaking idea what that "one very special thing" is, but I still wish magic would happen.

So when I had the opportunity recently to read Hope Edelman's The Possibility of Everything I was fascinated first by the summary:

In the autumn of 2000, Hope Edelman was a woman adrift, questioning her place in her marriage, her profession, and the larger world. She felt isolated from her husband who'd been working 16-hour days, effectively leaving her, a busy working mother, alone to parent her three year old daughter Maya. Disconnected and vulnerable, she was primed for change. Into her stagnant routine dropped Dodo, Maya's curiously disruptive imaginary friend. Dodo is ever-present and becoming more aggressive by the day, forcing Edelman to confront the possibility that something is going seriously awry with her child. After consulting mainstream health professionals for help and getting nowhere, Edelman and her husband made the unlikely choice to bring their daughter to Mayan healers in Belize, hoping that they might help banish Dodo—and, as they came to understand, all he represented—from their lives.

The fascination lasted throughout the book and I found myself thinking several times, just how far would I go to "cure" Noah?

I have a cautious belief in alternative medicine. I used acupuncture during my fertility treatments, and although I can't be certain it helped, I believe it did. I know that other therapies I have tried, such as energy therapy, have felt right and good to me. I believe there is an energy and power in touch, and I know the touch of certain people, such as my husband, can calm me and make me feel stronger and more whole.

That said, while fascinated by the story itself, I found myself getting frustrated with the implied message that faith and healers alone "cured" their daughter.

I'm curious if there is an increase in travel of families with sick and special needs children to Belize with the release of this book. Not that I wouldn't mind taking a trip to Belize if I had the opportunity. It sounds like a gorgeous and truly fascinating place to visit. And I guess visiting a Shaman wouldn't hurt Noah, but I have no belief that our visit would end with Noah shaking his head and saying "wow, so that's what a normal brain feels like" and just like that his troubles are gone.

It doesn't stop me from wishing for magic though...


3/6/10 postscript: Thanks to everyone for their supportive and concerned comments and emails! You have no idea how that helps! I don't want you to think I dwell on stuff like this though. I focused on the "wishing for magic" piece because of the book and the book club. We do indeed have magic in our life. In some ways, because of everything that has been part of my journey the last ten years (finding great love, undergoing great change, infertility, adoption, wanting a family so hard it hurt, learning to accept Noah and help him, even losing my family, which has been harder or more difficult for me to understand than almost anything else) I'm able to more clearly see the little magic. And we have those moments. Just yesterday Noah and I sat on the couch and played a game together and it was fun and we were a team and connected. It was just normal. And that hour or so was magic for me. And that time when I'm putting Kiel to bed and we read stories together and then snuggle until he falls asleep, that time for me is also magic. The times that the boys play together and Kiel is following Noah's lead, and Noah is watching out for Kiel. And then we listen to them laugh and giggle. That is the best magic.
So yes, we have magic. I just have to try harder to keep those memories closer

This post is part of the Silicon Valley Moms Book Club featuring Hope Edelman's The Possibility of Everything.  I received a free copy of the book as part of the book club and monthly discussion.