Friday, November 27, 2009

I should know better...

Since I wrote this post going on and on about how I thought things were getting better with Noah I know, what the fuck was I thinking? things have been going gradually down hill.

The first few days of the medication change Noah was like a different kid, at home and at school. Seriously, the comments from the teachers and staff at school those days were all "wow, Noah's a different kid, what happened?" For almost three days he wasn't hyper at school, he wasn't fidgety, he was just a typical six year old kid.

And then he started to show more hyperactivity again, and more impulsivity, and then more aggression. At home he was more irritable...cranky...angry. He was having more "flash" meldowns again.  And his mood was changing quickly from happy to sad, or happy to angry, with no antecedent that we could see.

We had parent-teacher conferences on Monday. We spent 90 minutes with his teacher; 15 minutes of that was spent going over his academics (which are great, yeah Noah!) the rest was spent talking about his behavior, especially how bad it had been for the last two weeks or so.

Rich and I found out he was close to being suspended last week. We knew there had been an "incident" with another child. It was worse than we had realized. The only reason he wasn't suspended is because the school knew we were seeing a new doctor and adjusting his medications. His teacher also knows that a suspension wouldn't teach Noah anything, and I imagine the principal can see that too. Holy crap though...I'm still in shock that it was even a possibility.

Then of course you all know that Kiel ended up with 12 stitches last weekend in his forehead. Noah said he only pushed him "a little." Honestly, I don't think it was intentional. They play pretty rough together, and Kiel is giving as much as he's getting. When they are playing together Noah is good with Kiel; it's more the random interactions like Noah tripping Kiel when he walks by, or pushing him when he doesn't think we are looking.

It took a few days to get in touch with the doctor, but I finally did on Monday and we cut out the additional dose of stimulants we had added a couple weeks ago, and slightly increased a different medication. The doctor said he was having a paradoxical reaction to the methylphenidate.

Monday he was with his favorite baby sitter all day and she said he did great. That doesn't surprise me too much though. He wasn't competing with anyone for attention and she is very, very good with him.

Tuesday we made the medication changes. He was with me all day and we spent a good part of it running errands. Noah wasn't as hyper as he had been, but he was very moody. He seemed to alternate between being angry and sad most of the day. It broke my heart.

Wednesday he was with Rich and Rich said they had a great day. The evening was rougher.

Thursday was tough. He cried a lot, seemed more frustrated and irritable.

Today (Friday) it is just the two of us during the day. I told him we would start decorating for Christmas. Then in the afternoon we need to pick up Kiel from daycare to take him to the doctor to have his stitches removed. I'm nervous about having Noah there with us when that is going on. He could be fine, he could get very upset if Kiel cries, or he could be a total pain in the ass and misbehave in every way possible.

We see the doctor again next Monday. Half of me believes medication is the key here and we just need to find the right regimen. The other half of me is afraid we are just fucking him up more.



  1. I don't have kids (long story), so this may not help. But I am in my 40's and learned last year that I have bipolar type 2. They're still working on getting my meds at just the right combination and dosage. Some of the things that I've given up, by working with the doctors, include the ability to cry, or feel very much emotion at all. But that's counterbalanced by my improved ability to maintain a fairly even keel. I'm able to make decisions based on more than just how I feel about something, but on what the facts are, what the needs are.

    Based on everything I've read in your blog, you and your husband are loving parents who are trying your best to take care of your sons. Some things can be helped without medication, and some things need that extra boost. It does take time to get things sorted, and even from there there will be times that it has to be adjusted. If he's showing any improvement at all, I hope you're able to take that as a positive sign that you're on the right track. Your doctor sounds amazing, and I pray that it won't take too long to find out what Noah needs.

  2. I can understand how you feel. I hate all the medication changes we have had for Dakota. It takes time to find the right cocktail as they call it. Sometimes on the meds things can get worse before they get better. I thought the meds DJ was on were making things worse when in all reality it was a behavior that comes and goes. I get really excited when things start looking up and then BAM I get slapped in the face and things start going down hill. Hang in there! If you like this doctor give him a chance! Vent away to us when things get tough! I sure hope they can find the right combination soon as it gets so frustrating!