I love him but...

There really is no delicate way to say this, so I'm going to come right out with it.

My husband has big feet.

There, I said it.


And yes, the saying is true. 


The bigger the feet, the louder the snore. Or something like that.


But not only are his feet big and hairy, they are loud. Especially when they go up and down our stairs, which are bare wood.

Until last night around 11pm when I was getting ready for bed.

I know he was in our bed asleep when I went in our bathroom. I remember seeing him in bed before I closed the door so the light wouldn't bother him.

When I was done I went in the hall to turn out the hall light, then remembered I hadn't plugged my phone in to charge, so went back in the bedroom to get it.

There I am, in the dark hallway, at the top of the stairs headed towards the guest bedroom where I plug in my phone, when I sense something and turn towards the stairs.

And oh my fucking stars, there is this big half-nekkid man standing there not a foot away from me. And I screamed. And I swear I jumped so high my head hit the vaulted ceiling above me.


How the hell Rich managed to come up the stairs with those big ass feet of his and me not hear him still escapes me.

He's just lucky I didn't throw him down the stairs with one of my new karate moves! Because of course I instantly moved to guard stance and prepared to fend him off with one of my recently learned and fancy defense moves, like Chinese Junk or Five Swords.

Or, maybe I just stood there and screamed like a girl and then cussed him out for scaring the crap out of me.