Sunday, February 28, 2010

Wise words indeed Son, wise words indeed...

"Sometimes you have to push through the pricks," said Noah, while explaining a video game.

Truer words were never spoken.
I'm considering making that my new tag line. 


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Bear butt

I couldn't fall asleep last night so I came downstairs to get my book and walked into the family room to find this.

It's a sad state of affairs when the stuffed animals in this house are getting more booty than I am.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Forgetting to look up

Sometimes I think I live my life too focused on just moving forward. 

Looking forward, looking down, sometimes looking back, but too often forgetting to look up.

So I stop.

I take some time.

I reflect.

I dream a little of tomorrow.

And then...

I remember to look up.

And do you know what I see?

I see grapefruit.

Yes, grapefruit.

On the ceiling.

Because apparently Noah has discovered he has mad grapefruit-spitting skilz.


Sunday, February 21, 2010

Because I know you are just dying to read more of me...

I forgot to point you guys to my latest post on the Philadelphia Moms Blog, where I'm discussing how my kids conspire to drive me crazy.

Please leave me a comment there! I'm feeling a little like the new kid in class.


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Keeping your Naughty Mom Groove in the groove

If you are in any way related to me, or to my husband, stop reading now. 

See the X up there in the top right corner? Go there and click it. 


No, I mean it. Get out of here.
Are you still here? Really? Have you no self-control?
Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Infertility treatment pretty much takes the fun out of sex. You are told when to do it. You are told when not to do it.  And sometimes you are told to do it (if you are a man anyway) in a cup. And then put the cup in a sock and shove it between your wife's boobs as you try and get it to the lab within the specified amount of time. 

And for some of us lucky gals the entire act of getting pregnant doesn't even need to involve the man being physically present. I like to joke that there were five people in the room when I got pregnant with Kiel, and Rich wasn't one of them. Boy has that resulted in a few odd looks from people that don't know the story.

Once you get pregnant, if you are one of the lucky ones, and you can have sex when ever you want to, you are, well pregnant. And your boobs hurt, and you are nauseous, and omfg you are tired! And the LAST thing you want is someone touching your naughty bits.

If you are lucky you might have a couple months while you are pregnant and the hormones find that magic mix and "omfg I am so tired" turns into "omfg I am so horny!!"  Unfortunately, at least for me, that stage didn't last past the eighth month. And sadly it hasn't really returned.

As mothers we all know it is hard to get back in the sex groove after giving birth. And when you end up with the Frankenvulva family taking up residence in your nethers it is even more difficult. 

Being tired and feeling frazzled a good deal of the time doesn't help this either. In all honesty, by the time I get to go to bed I just want some time alone, with nothing touching me.

So you have to get a little creative to make sure that spark you had when you were first married remains. 

Sometimes keeping that spark means you add some toys. And sometimes those toys are discovered by the baby sitter, like I wrote about here.  

Sometimes it means you get caught by your six-year old "doing yoga."

And sometimes you read a book like Kristen Chase's The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms that reminds you it's important to keep doing that "yoga," just make sure you double check the lock on the bedroom door first.

So here is a little something I wrote last May, that is perfectly suited to Kristen's discussion about "getting caught."

Caught with our pants down and ass in the air

I pride myself on being pretty honest on my blog. Some might say too the point of TMI. But how can I not share the stuff that makes me laugh? And this morning, I was in hysterics.

You know, with two kids, one of who still sleeps in our room, the opportunity for Rich and I to "get busy" doesn't happen as often as he'd we'd like.

Last night, Rich and I went out to dinner for my birthday. We had a wonderful time and enjoyed great food, even better wine, and each others company. And then we came home and were too stuffed and too tired to enjoy each others company in the nekkid way we had planned.

So this morning Rich settled Noah in front of the TV watching a movie with Kiel, with strict instructions to stay there because he was going to be upstairs with Mommy, and Mommy and Daddy would be deciding how much candy he could have today while they were up there.

So Rich met me upstairs and we got our Sunday morning quickie on. There we are, Rich on top, nekkid butt towards the door (which of course he locked! Come on peoples, we aren't that bad of parents). When all of a sudden we hear "DAD, What are you Doing?" with more confusion in Noah's voice than I've ever heard before. It appears the door was locked, yet it hadn't quite latched itself fully into the door frame.

My quick response: "Exercise, we're exercising Noah."

Rich's quick response: "Yoga, Mommy and Daddy are doing yoga."

Noah: "That's not yoga Daddy."

And that's all he said. Rich was up by then and I was covered up (and laughing hysterically in my pillow) and Noah just wanted to know why we were taking so long to decide about his candy.

Hopefully we didn't scar him for life. He doesn't have a clue about sex yet. I wonder what he'll remember when he finally understands just what we were doing when he saw Daddy doing push-ups on Mommy.

So how about you guys? What are your "caught by your kids" stories? Or even worse, when you caught your own parents! 

Originally posted on May 03, 2009.

This post is part of the Silicon Valley Moms Book Club featuring The Mominatrix Guide To Sex by Kristen Chase.  I received a free copy of the book as part of the book club and monthly discussion.  


Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Blizzard of 2010

10am on Wednesday
 I have to say I was a little disappointed by the "first wave" of snow.
It only added a couple inches on to what we received over the weekend.
 It made for some good snowballs though!
 Wednesday, 2pm.
Now we are getting some snow.
And the snowballs are even better!
Wednesday, 4pm.
 Now we're talking blizzard.
 Thursday morning, outside our front door.
 I haven't seen this much snow since I left Kalamazoo.
And the Birthday Boy is King.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Pee Happens

Don't forget to go here and enter my business card giveaway! They'd make great "mommy cards" or blog cards too! 
Or here to enter to win a $50 Safeway gift card! 
Or here to win the new Shaun the Sheep: A Woolly Good Time DVD! 

We were in the car today discussing the new freedom we are trying out with Noah. We are leaving his bedroom door unlocked at night so he can get out if he has to use the bathroom, with the understanding that he has to return to his bedroom immediately after.

He uses Huggies GoodNites underpants at night, but we ran out and bought Pampers UnderJams because I had a coupon. Well UnderJams just don't cut it with Noah, and he was waking up soaking wet. Or, he was waking up and changing into a new one.

These "diapers" are not cheap, so finding out he was using two at night was irritating.

So he and Rich came up with a plan and tried it out last night. Noah didn't think he could wait for one of us to go get him out of his room if he called to us, so we decided we would try it with his door unlocked for a few nights. You can read here about why his door is locked.

I don't think he woke up during the middle of the night to go, but he did wake up very early this morning and went to the bathroom. Unfortunately for the rest of us he felt it was important that he come in to our bedroom to announce it to us. Which then woke up Kiel, who wouldn't go back to sleep.

So, back to the discussion in the car...

As we were talking about it and reinforcing the need for Noah to return to his bedroom without waking anyone else he pipes up with  this gem of wisdom -

"well, it's just, when I wake up in the morning, well, pee happens!"

And you know, he's right. My wise little boy.


Saturday, February 06, 2010

How awesome is this?

Noah learned how to break boards the other night.

 The boy was fierce!
  And focused.
And successful!


Friday, February 05, 2010

Things you should know!

If you aren't getting enough of me here, check me out on Philadelphia Mom's Blog where I talk about knowing it all before I had kids, knowing nothing now, and second guessing my parenting choices. 
I'll be writing for Philadelphia Mom's Blog, part of the Silicon Valley Moms Group, a couple times a month. There is a great group of writers there, so check it out!
I have two three giveaways going on right now, so please enter!

500 Business Cards from is posted here. It ends 2/12 and right now odds are good! You can do more than just strictly business cards with these, so check it out! 
And here I have a $50 gift card to Safeway up for grabs! This is also good at Dominick´s, Tom Thumb, Randalls, Vons, and Genuardi´s. This one ends 12/19.

And finally, here I'm giving away the new Shaun the Sheep: A Woolly Good Time DVD.


Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Observations of a cat, a booger, and a boy.

Don't forget to go here and enter my business card giveaway! They'd make great "mommy cards" or blog cards too! 
Or here to enter to win a $50 Safeway gift card! 
Or here to win the new Shaun the Sheep: A Woolly Good Time DVD! 

Before I met Rich I lived in Kalamazoo. I owned my own house and was dating the boy next door. Well, technically it was the man across the street, but that isn't really what this story is about. This story is about his cat. It is also about boogers and my two-year old.

Cat, boogers, boy.

Right now you are asking yourself how these things can possibly be related. And if you are my husband, or my ex-boyfriend (who occasionally reads this blog - Hi ex-boyfriend!) you are really wondering how I'm going to tie all of this together considering the cat and the boy were separated by approximately eight years. (Boogers as we moms know are timeless.)

My boyfriend had an awesome cat named Huxley. He was a big old boy cat that liked to act all fierce and tiger-esq, but in reality was a big old wuss that didn't own his own front yard. That didn't bother me one bit though, because I loved that cat.

While his owner and I were dating we pretty much lived equally between our two houses.  Huxley got used to this dual residency and in the way that animals do, he always knew what house his owner and I were waking up in. If we were at my house you could count on Huxley being there either outside my back door, or under my bedroom window in the morning. If it was the weekend and he felt we were sleeping in too late, he made sure we heard him, even though my bedroom was on the second floor. If we were across the street at his house he would knock on the bedroom window when he was ready to be let in the house in the morning. While he didn't come in my house because he was afraid of my cats and dog, it didn't stop him from making sure one of us let him in his own house and fed him every morning.

I like to think Huxley came to think of me as his momma. Not quite as good as his dad, but always there for a cuddle or to feed him. And to let him into his own house when it was raining or cold and his owner wasn't home to do it. 

So Huxley thanked me in the way that all good cats show appreciation to those they love. He left me gifts outside of my back door. Gifts he was very proud of. Gifts of the dead animal variety.

And tonight it hit me as I was putting Kiel to bed and he was exploring his left nostril in preparation of handing me his booger.

Those hard won boogers that Kiel excavates from his nostrils and then proudly hands me are much like the dead animals that Huxley gave me. 

Disgusting? Certainly. 

Given with love? Absolutely!


Cat, boogers, boy. 

I'm really not that hard to follow at all.


Monday, February 01, 2010

We haven't discussed poop in a while!

Don't forget to go here and enter my business card giveaway! They'd make great "mommy cards" or blog cards too! 
Or here to enter to win a $50 Safeway gift card! 

Just continuing to keep it real on MNT!  
Don't worry there aren't any pictures (Oh wait, yes there are. Let's just consider them "illustrations," OK?).

Episode 1: Noah's talent (aka For a boy so small how is this possible?)

The other night after getting both boys in bed I walked into the bathroom to find Noah had been there and not flushed after his visit.

In the toilet was something that looked very similar to the drawing below.

I'm guesstimating that the upper curve was a good foot long. Seriously. No exaggeration. The stick on the bottom six inches at a minimum. 

It was impressive. I can't lie. 

When you consider this came out of a boy that is only six years old, and a small six at that? Astounding.

And the kicker? There wasn't a shred of toilet paper in the toilet, or anywhere else in the bathroom. 

He's six. Trying to figure out why he didn't wipe is beyond me.

Unless he just wanted to preserve the evidence of his creation.

Episode 2: Consider this a PSA of the Kiel variety

Imagine my surprise when I changed Kiel's diaper this afternoon and it was full of white polystyrene pellets. And it sparkled.

Not impressive, but interesting. 

As were the two additional diapers I changed over the next hour.  

Apparently Kiel ate some of Noah's PlayFoam. And his GI tract decided to "Squish it, Sculpt it, and Mold it!"

Fortunately Kiel isn't the first child to eat it, as this is the information on their website:

The Play Foam beads are non-toxic, non-allergenic and contain no gluten, proteins or other allergens. The beads are made of phthalate-free polymers and foam. The beads are tasteless and may cause slight diarrhea if ingested.

They are correct about the diarrhea by the way.