Sunday, December 12, 2010

Remember when I wrote this post last week about how fast Noah's mind and body were going?

Well, it's taken me some time to be able to come back and tell you about the aftermath. I needed some time to process, and to decide if I should be writing it here or not. That part I'll discuss a little later.*

Noah was in what I believe is a manic state, or perhaps a hypomanic state. Everything was running fast. He was mostly pleasant, but you could tell it wouldn't take much to push him over to the edge of anger. And it happened. He went from enjoying the first night of Hanukkah to raging and screaming, throwing and kicking. Like a switch was turned on. He alternated between the raging and aggression with hysterical crying, during which he was hiding in the bathtub or his bedroom closet. During those time he told us several times he wanted to die, that he was an idiot, that he shouldn't be in this family, that he was a looser and someone please give him a knife so he can kill himself.

It was the most gut wrenching, horrifying thing I have ever heard. My boy, who is not even eight yet, saying he wanted to die.

We were trying to take him off one of his medications. Obviously that wasn't going to work. We are slowly tapering him back up. He is doing better this week, but is still quick to frustration. It's like walking on egg shells around him. It's exhausting and frustrating. I worry for him, for his future.

*I'm considering starting another blog that would be password protected. I no longer feel safe writing here, and I haven't for a year. My writing has changed because of that and I know I have lost readers. But most important for me, because I've changed what I write, I've lost a big part of my place to work through things.

I think I'll keep this blog and just put the more emotional posts in a password protected one. I need to figure out how to go about it so that those that I want to read get the password.

Anyone else gone this direction? Thoughts? Regrets?


Sunday, December 05, 2010

A Christmas Tree Decorating Poll

If you have kids and a Christmas tree, please answer the following poll.

When decorating your Christmas tree you:

A.  leave everything exactly where your kids hang it, even if 2/3 of the ornaments are on the same 1/7 of the tree. You would never do anything to stifle their creative nature, right?

B.  let your kids have their fun then go back and rearrange things when they aren't looking. You don't want to hurt their feelings, but damn, 2/3 of the ornaments on the same 1/7 of the tree is lopsided and makes you a bit twitchy.

C.  carefully direct the placement of each ornament. Thank goodness you have kids that actually listen and follow directions, right?

D.  convince the children that there is a tree decorating fairy and one morning they will wake up and magically the tree will be decorated, then you do it yourself after they are asleep. Because OMFG, 2/3 of the ornaments on the same 1/7 of the tree! Do I need to say anymore?

E. ornaments? Are you crazy? My monsters broke all of ours ages ago.

My careful calculations tell me that I have approximately 33 regular readers. So I'm expecting 33 responses in my comments. 'mkay?