Monday, November 07, 2011

The elephant in the room.

Literally. There is an elephant in the room.

And apparently it is ME.

According to Noah's psychiatrist (TNP) anyway.

OMG I say. I had no idea! I had no idea I am fat and need to lose weight!

Thank god we are paying her the big bucks, right?

Ummmphhh....I'm so frustrated after our appointment with her today. It's only the second time Rich and I have had an appointment with just the two of us. I scheduled it a couple weeks ago because I wanted to talk about how Noah is doing at school, and what else we should be trying to get for him as far as services. I also wanted to get her feelings on Noah now that she has been seeing him for several months.

At our appointment last week I told her what I hoped we could discuss, since our time was limited.

So guess what we discussed today?

OK, I know. I gave it away in the beginning. 

Yes, we discussed that I am fat. Huge. And I need to lose weight.

My weight, exercise, and her "suggestion" that Rich and I take an hour lunch break one day a week to have a "walking date" was what we spent 3/4 of the session on.

She wants Rich and I to meet once a week at lunch for a walking date. Great idea. Really, it would be, if I had the time to take an hour for lunch, and Rich had time to take two hours, considering he'd have to add in travel time to get to me. Hell, I don't even take a lunch. I take on close to a full time load of projects and do it in 24 hours a week. When I am only in the office six hours a day, four days a week, there is no time to take lunch.

TNP wasn't taking excuses.

Finally I let my frustration show. I asked her why we were focusing so much on me and my weight. That obviously I know I have a weight problem. That I have always had a weight problem. That I have issues that I am not going to spend time discussing with her. 

I asked why we were spending so much time on this when we had bigger problems, like the level of aggression and anger in our house, or that Noah can barely read. That I had hoped we would get some ideas of where we are headed now.

TNP told me that I was not directing the session, she was. 

I guess I am the "bigger" problem.

We did discuss a few other less "weighty" issues. Like Noah's need for daily exercise (duh). That swimming would be ideal for him and we should find a non-competitive swim team for him (already discussed at least twice with her). That he may need a "special school" (again, mentioned several times before, but never with any suggestions for what school).

I told her we were looking for her to give us ideas. To help us find a path to travel with Noah. 

She told us that wasn't going to happen. She isn't going to hand me a paper with a road map on it.

She said she considers it progress because he has not been hospitalized or been put in residential treatment.

I call bullshit on that. BULLSHIT! I refuse to accept that as a measure of success. She does not know me at all if she thinks I won't do everything in my power to make sure neither of those things happen to Noah unless we have absolutely no choice. And that would only be because we can't keep him or Kiel safe.

I'm frustrated. 

I don't know where to go from here. TNP came so highly recommended, by a number of professionals that work with or have worked with Noah. She is extremely intelligent. She is highly qualified to do what she does and her practice specializes in complex children.
She should be perfect for Noah. 

I just don't think that I should be leaving appointments with her feeling like I need to go to my own therapist to decompress. Seriously, I leave there in tears at least half the time. 

*Just to be clear, what she said is true. I do have a weight problem that I need to deal with. However, I take issue with how she presented it, and that it monopolized the time we had set aside to discuss Noah. You know, her patient.



  1. You should have jammed some chocolate cake up her nose.

    Seriously. I wonder if she might be a little overwhelmed by Noah herself and chose to shift the focus where it would be easier.

  2. "At our appointment last week I told her what I hoped we could discuss, since our time was limited."
    "TNP told me that I was not directing the session, she was."
    Wow. Unacceptable - you told her prior to the appt. what you wanted to discuss with her !

  3. What's her name? I'll cut a bitch...

  4. She won't give you specifics on how to help Noah, but she will give you a full exercise regimen (NOT her specialty!) for your family?! It sounds like she has the credentials for her job, but not the talent. It also seems like your weight issues may be a symptom of the problem, not the cause.

  5. I appreciate the fact that TNP is trying to treat the whole family by encouraging you to live healthier lives and have a closer marital relationship so you can withstand the obvious stress Noah's condition is putting you all through. However, I would think that it would be more constructive to lead you through an exercise where you identify that need and challenge yourselves to find ways to make it happen would be more constructive than her shoving her prescriptive solution on you.

    Listening to her recommendations and credentials, I understand why you're questioning. It's hard to discount someone with such a reputation and pedigree. But, in the end, you have to take a critical look at the situation and whether her counsel is helping or hurting.

    Trust your gut.