Thursday, September 11, 2008

part 5 - a little about growing up

I almost feel like I need to defend my mother now. Ughh...

I really appreciate everyone's support about all of this. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

My parents aren't horrible people, and I certainly didn't have a horrible childhood. My dad was probably pretty typical from that era. He worked, came home, my mom waited on him, he watched TV, read the paper, etc. She took care of us kids.

I really don't remember ever sitting in my dad's lap, or snuggling with him. He never read to us or tucked us in at night.

Mostly I remember the times he gave me "advice."

I don't ever recall him telling us he loved us without one of us saying it first. I do know he does love us. I just never really felt I lived up to his expectations. I still don't.

My mother on the other hand was more affectionate and loving when we were younger. She went through several years of depression when I was in my teens. At that time in our life I felt more like I was the mother taking care of her, than her taking care of me. It had an impact on our relationship that she would never acknowledge.

She's not a bad person though. And her comment about leashing Noah sounds so much worse than I think she ever intended. That's not usually the way she comes across. For god sakes, she taught special ed classes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd grades for almost 30 years. It's not like Noah is an unknown entity to her. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time understanding the way she is treating him.

Oh well...I'm off to my therapy appointment. Thank god for my therapist. She is amazing and is really helping me work though a lot of this crap.



  1. I think a big part of it is that she's gettin older Katt. Have you thought anymore about writing her a note? Ask the therapist about that and see what she thinks about it.

    Make her earn her money girl, that's what she's there for. :)

  2. Stay strong, this is got to be a tough time for you. I am hopeful things will get better.

  3. Awww man, you really love your parents, that makes it harder to just cut them off. Damn. I sure hope the right words are said, it finally clicks and she falls head over heels in love with Noah, the kind of love that blinds you to all but their wonder.

  4. Good for you. God I need a therapist.