Thank you Ma'am, may I have another?

I'm not exactly sure where it was, or how it came about, but somewhere along the path of growing up I found that I can not stay silent when I think something is wrong or unjust. Unfortunately, at the same time I fixed that characteristic within me, I didn't affix a thick skin along with it. 

And that makes for an occasional rough time emotionally, when I find myself taking a stand and someone with a louder, meaner voice gets in my face over it. 


As it turns out, my what I still consider to be clever address labels for the questionably run fund raiser resulted in Rich and myself receiving a verbal spanking by Noah's elementary school principal on Thursday.

Imagine, 42 years old and reprimanded by the principal for the first time in my life.

As it turns out Noah's principal, Mrs. R. doesn't appear to have a sense of humor, as she took those labels quite personally. That came as a bit of a surprise to me actually, as she is not exactly one of those "warm fuzzy" people, and certainly doesn't present herself as vulnerable. 


Unfortunately, this verbal lashing took place right after an hour meeting with Noah's teachers, the guidance counselor, his aid, and the principal (nine of us in total). During that meeting I did a presentation on attachment disorder and how and why I felt that was the umbrella under which Noah and all his other behavioral and emotional issues fall. 


I rocked that presentation, if I do say so myself. As the meeting was breaking up I felt I had accomplished exactly what I set out to do, which was take charge of the meeting, educate the people that work with Noah, and emotionally draw them in so they connected and feel for him as the wounded child he is, despite how he pushes them away. The presentation itself deserves a post dedicated solely to it, so I'll leave further explanation to another time. 


It's very unfortunate that this presentation coincided with my taking a stand against the intimidation tactics of this fundraiser. I felt a coolness towards me by the principal going in to the conference room. I certainly assumed that by then she was aware of the statement I made with those address labels. 


I knew sending them in on Monday that the timing sucked. I in no way anticipated just how pissed off the principal would be. 


Or the tactics she would use to express her anger.


After asking the remaining people in the room to leave so she could talk to us alone, she went into a speech about how Noah receives more from the school than most of the children there. And that the Home and School Association is paying for something special for his emotional support class that none of the other children get (it's a bit of a long story, but in a nutshell I knew exactly what she was talking about and have been privy to the inside story, so I know that it isn't quite as she presented it - Mommy's connected too you know). It was very much presented in a "you should be ashamed for not bowing down and doing anything that I or the H&SA asks" way. 


But then the kicker was when she said it hurt her to see those labels. 


Of course my first reaction was "oh shit, I hurt someones feelings" because I genuinely feel bad if I realize I have done that. 


I stayed calm and nodded, and said that I certainly had no intention of hurting any ones feelings, but I was making a statement. Like duh!

I attempted to explain that I had serious issues with giving names and addresses of family and friends, and that I am not comfortable asking people to support my son's school when they have their own kids school to support. And I told her that I had discussed my concerns via email with Noah's teacher.

I told her that at the time I made a conscious decision to focus my energy, emotions and time on preparing for the presentation (did I mention it was a 50 slide Power Point presentation?) and that I chose not to take on the H&SA or her directly, but that I felt my choice of names and addresses would make it clear. She told me that putting together that address list obviously took a lot of time. (Which it actually didn't considering the school boards names and addresses are all in one place on the district website and googling the other addresses barely took any more time than if I was looking up someone in my personal address book.)

I tried to convey that I felt the tactic being used was emotional intimidation and an adult form of bullying, and that it was unfair to punish the children.

She responded by saying that the teachers would never let one of the students not qualify the class for the party, that they would provide addresses themselves. And that she is even sending one to one of her former secretaries. Well first, that's awesome of the teachers, but really? How was I to know that? And I'm not even sure what kind of message that sends. And as for sending to her former secretary? Ummm...the point?

I'm guessing the conversation lasted about 15 minutes. There was no resolution. But I did cry at the end, yeah me. *ugh*

She told me they would not be using the labels. I'm actually not sure if I should be pissed about that or not. I think its a bit short-sighted on their part. Who knows, one of those people might actually appreciate the chutzpah of a 2nd grader and send in a check. I can 100% guarantee they have a greater chance of getting money from that list than they do if I actually did put family members on there. Also, the school board members are elected, so don't they essentially work for me? And I seriously wonder if they are aware of this fund raiser and the the pressure that is being applied to the parents.

I told her that I hope this doesn't effect how she treats Noah in the future, and that just offended her even more. 

I truly believe that had I not just spent an emotional hour presenting as I did, and two weeks working on the presentation leading up to it, that I probably could have at least come close to taking her on verbally. By then though I had reached my limit, and the waterworks started.


Rich and I walked out and I tried to joke about how well I "make friends and influence people." 


He took his car and went to get Kiel and I took my car and went to the park and cried for half an hour. 


But now I've had time to calm down and think about it all and I'm very much WTF! Seriously, I hurt her feelings? With address labels? Don't you think that's a little dramatic?


Yesterday I ran in to our neighbors across the street at the mail box and I asked him what he thought about the fund raiser. He said they didn't like it so they just didn't send the labels back, but then the day before the teacher had asked his daughter where her labels were and that really pissed him off. He thought it was great what I did and made me go and tell his wife about it. He said that the neighbors on both sides of him had issues with it too, and he knows that at least one of them didn't send them back. 


We talked a bit about how many people probably didn't like it, but rather than rock the boat they sent the labels back anyway. Which is exactly what I know my next door neighbor did. 

I'm actually surprised, considering the population of the school (approx. 600 I believe) that I"m the only one that did something like this. 


Or perhaps I'm not, but because Noah is "special" (as in requires more work for her and more of her budget) my stand pissed her off more?


Rich is very concerned that Noah is going to pay for this in some way. He wants me to drop the issue completely and send them a check.


I just can't do that though! I can't! I'm not going to be intimidated into doing something or supporting something that I think is wrong. 


I have and will continue to support the H&SA and the school in other ways. I am appreciative of what they do for Noah.


I have a big project due at work on Wednesday, but once I feel I have a good handle on that I think I'm going to write Mrs. R a letter and make sure I spell out exactly how I feel and what wording n the emails and fliers concerned me.


You know what else really pisses me off? I found out yesterday after doing a bit of digging, that the school has to pay a 20% commission (yes, twenty percent) of any funds raised from this effort to the company that started the Race for Education and I guess provides them copyrighted material and some guidance. I don't recall seeing that mentioned in any of the information to the parents that was sent out previously. 


So if I send a check to the school in lieu of the addresses, as they finally agreed to accept late in the day the Friday before the Monday deadline, 20% of it will go back to that company. 


I still question the legality of requiring children in a public school to participate in something like this, or be penalized. Or that the only option is writing a check to the school for $75 to $100 per child. My nephew the lawyer is looking into that for me.

I wonder who I should cc on the letter I'll be sending her?

Who knew my child was so well connected? *updated*

The Home and School Association at Noah's elementary school is running a fund raiser called "Race for Education." The idea is that each child gets at least ten sponsors and then on a specified day the children will run/walk around a 1/4 mile track as many times as they can in an hour.

As parents we have to provide the names and addresses to the H&SA, who will then send the information out to the people we specified. We are encouraged to send to friends, neighbors, relatives, businesses, doctors, etc. They especially want to see us giving contacts out of state.

There are rewards for the kids that get a certain number of names/addresses. There are class contests as well. For your class to be eligible each child has to have provided ten contacts. If one child doesn't do it, the entire class is out of the running for the party.

Today in an email we were told that it was not acceptable for the parents to donate a lump sum themselves in place of providing contacts.

Then today we were sent a note home requesting that each family donate a book of stamps or send in $10 to assist with postage.

This is really rubbing me the wrong way. I think it is putting too much pressure on parents, and if parents don't think it is appropriate or for some other reason don't do it, the child suffers because it will be known that they didn't do it.

I want to write a letter, include a check for the $75 that they claim is the average amount each child we will earn, and call it a day. Rich doesn't want me to get into it, because he doesn't want Noah to stand out more than he already does, which I completely understand.

I posted this issue on Facebook and one of my aunts suggested I use my creative mind and send to famous people and politicians.
I thought about it for about three seconds and said "brilliant."

Here is my list, in case anyone would like to use it for something similar. You'll note it's an equal opportunity list as I have some from the left and the right. To those I respect and to those I consider idiots. It's all good money for the school if they send it though!

Senator John McCain
241 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Joe Sestak
P.O. Box 1936
Media, Pennsylvania
19063 (610) 891-8956

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Pat Toomey
3440 Hamilton Blvd
Allentown, PA 18103

Speaker Nancy Pelosi
Office of the Speaker
H-232, US Capitol
Washington, DC 20515

Governor Edward G. Rendell's Office
225 Main Capitol Building
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120

Judge Marjorie O. Rendell
Office of the First Lady
Governor’s Residence
2035 North Front Street
Harrisburg, PA 17102

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
200 Independence Avenue, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20201

Secretary Arne Duncan
U.S. Department of Education
400 Maryland Avenue, SW
Washington, D.C. 20202

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck Program
1133 Avenue of the Americas
Floor 34
New York, NY 10036

Sarah Palin
Office of Sarah Palin
PO Box 871235
Wasilla, AK 99687



So what do you guys think? In general is a fund raiser like this something you would support? Am I going overboard? Am I turning into my father?

Updated to add: Today's email included this bit:


Completed address labels are to be sent into school by Monday, Sept. 20th. We really need a minimum of 10 address labels per student. The organizers of this event are requesting that address labels be returned for future mailings to sponsors as opposed to sending in flat donation amounts. This is the only way your child will be able to access prize categories, etc.


I am really pissed off about this! One of the first emails said the following:


Please understand that your donors will receive a ONE TIME mailer, with a first class stamp, from Titus. This list will never be used for any other contact outside of the Race for Education.


But now they are talking about "future mailings to sponsors."


I think I will now be adding the school board members and the coordinators of this event to my address list.

I'm really missing the Philly Moms Blog right now, because I think this would be perfect to write about in that type of forum.

And yes, Rich is pretty much giving me the big eye roll about all of this. He doesn't fire up as easily as I do.

Who knew my child was so well connected?

The Home and School Association at Noah's elementary school is running a fund raiser called "Race for Education." The idea is that each child gets at least ten sponsors and then on a specified day the children will run/walk around a 1/4 mile track as many times as they can in an hour.

As parents we have to provide the names and addresses to the H&SA, who will then send the information out to the people we specified. We are encouraged to send to friends, neighbors, relatives, businesses, doctors, etc. They especially want to see us giving contacts out of state.

There are rewards for the kids that get a certain number of names/addresses. There are class contests as well. For your class to be eligible each child has to have provided ten contacts. If one child doesn't do it, the entire class is out of the running for the party.

Today in an email we were told that it was not acceptable for the parents to donate a lump sum themselves in place of providing contacts.

Then today we were sent a note home requesting that each family donate a book of stamps or send in $10 to assist with postage.

This is really rubbing me the wrong way. I think it is putting too much pressure on parents, and if parents don't think it is appropriate or for some other reason don't do it, the child suffers because it will be known that they didn't do it.

I want to write a letter, include a check for the $75 that they claim is the average amount each child we will earn, and call it a day. Rich doesn't want me to get into it, because he doesn't want Noah to stand out more than he already does, which I completely understand.

I posted this issue on Facebook and one of my aunts suggested I use my creative mind and send to famous people and politicians.
I thought about it for about three seconds and said "brilliant."

Here is my list, in case anyone would like to use it for something similar. You'll note it's an equal opportunity list as I have some from the left and the right. To those I respect and to those I consider idiots. It's all good money for the school if they send it though!

Senator John McCain
241 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Joe Sestak
P.O. Box 1936
 Media, Pennsylvania
19063 (610) 891-8956

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Pat Toomey
3440 Hamilton Blvd
Allentown, PA 18103

Speaker Nancy Pelosi
Office of the Speaker
H-232, US Capitol
Washington, DC 20515

Governor Edward G. Rendell's Office
225 Main Capitol Building
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120

Judge Marjorie O. Rendell
Office of the First Lady
Governor’s Residence
2035 North Front Street
Harrisburg, PA  17102

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
200 Independence Avenue, S.W.
Washington, D.C. 20201

Secretary Arne Duncan
U.S. Department of Education
400 Maryland Avenue, SW
Washington, D.C. 20202

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck Program
1133 Avenue of the Americas
Floor 34
New York, NY 10036

Sarah Palin
Office of Sarah Palin
PO Box 871235
Wasilla, AK 99687

So what do you guys think? In general is a fund raiser like this something you would support? Am I going overboard? Am I turning into my father?

Updated to add: Today's email included this bit:

Completed address labels are to be sent into school by Monday, Sept. 20^th.  We really need a minimum of 10 address labels per student.  The organizers of this event are requesting that address labels be returned for future mailings to sponsors  as opposed to sending in flat donation amounts.  This is the only way your child will be able to access prize categories, etc.

I am really pissed off about this! One of the first emails said the following: 

Please understand that your donors will receive a ONE TIME mailer, with a first class stamp, from Titus. This list will never be used for any other contact outside of the Race for Education.


But now they are talking about "future mailings to sponsors."

I think I will now be adding the school board members and the coordinators of this event to my address list. 

True Confessions of the Obsessive Kind

Remember when I told you that I dated "the boy next door" but it was really the man across the street?

We met because we lived across the street from each other (duh). Being neighborly eventually turned into going out for dinner. Which turned into dating. Which turned into one of us doing the "walk of shame" every morning across Park Street.

I think we confused the hell out of most of our neighbors for a few months.

Obviously (and I say obviously because I married someone else), the relationship ended. I wouldn't say it was an easy ending, even though we both knew it was time.

I don't really let go very well. It's definitely not one of my better qualities, especially in a situation like this.

For the most part it was not a nasty breakup, and over time we managed to form a rather nice friendship. In fact, he and his now wife came to my wedding.

But for a while there right after the breakup, the crazy in me reared its ugly head. And I obsessively monitored his comings and goings when I was home. From my bedroom window I could see his driveway and front walk into his house.  And I knew the sound of his car so if my bedroom window was open, I knew when he came home. (And if he's reading this, because I told him about my blog a while ago - ummm, Hi ex-boyfriend, you did know I was checking up on you right?)

I may have even spent some time with the lights off in my house watching through my bedroom window with my best friend. That is what best friends are for, right? To help you in your crazy time of need?

It was definitely obsessive, and probably bordered on the line of stalker-ish. But I promise, I never followed him! I'm far too lazy to go to that much work.

Eventually he started dating, and then I started dating, and then I met Rich and within a few months Rich and i were engaged and I moved to Philly.

And that is about as much as I can relate to Alice, the main character in our current From Left to Write book club selection Following Polly by Karen Bergreen. Well, at least as much as I'm going to admit to in writing or to anyone other than my therapist.

About the book:

Would you call Alice Teakle a stalker? Or just someone with an, um, healthy obsession with golden girl Polly Linley Dawson? No one much notices Alice: not her boss, not the neighbors, not even her Mother.

Besides, everyone follows Polly: her business selling high-end lingerie you can imagine only her elegant self wearing, her all-over-the-social-pages marriage to movie director Humphrey Dawson, her chic looks, her wardrobe. Alice just follows her a little more….closely.

And when she loses her job and starts to follow Polly Dawson one Manhattan autumn afternoon, Alice stumbles on the object of her attention sprawled dead on the floor of a boutique. Alice is forced to become truly beneath anyone’s notice. Invisible, in fact. Because she’s accused of murder.

But can another obsession help save Alice with the fallout? Charlie is Alice’s longtime unattainable crush. He might be able to help her out of the mess she’s in…in return for a favor or two, that is. And how will Alice find out if Charlie is really the man Alice thinks he is?

Following Polly was a fun read, even if you don't have a history of obsessive stalking. 

This is an inspired post written for the "From Left to Write" Book Club. A copy of Following Polly was provided to me by the publishers. I am not being compensated for this post and all opinions are my own.
 

Our ten year wedding anniversary - part deux

We spent the rest of our anniversary day working, taking Noah to the attachment therapist, and then getting the boys to bed.

And then we met on the couch to enjoy some wine and cheese and watch a movie.

Here were some of the options for movies that we entertained and snippets of the commentary we amused ourselves with:

A Perfect Getaway - after the morning we had we could have used one.

Don't Let Me Drown - well then don't piss me off

Disaster Movie- 'nuff said


Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - never a good thing to discuss, especially on your anniversary

I Love You, Man - As long as I'm the one saying it.


Jennifer's Body - who's Jennifer?


Summer Catch - I was, wasn't I?


We ended up settling on The Time Travelers Wife (which dude, I somehow never read the book, so the ending? Not exactly what I was hoping for.)

Rich filled our wine glasses from the bottle of Mommy's Time Out my boss bought me several weeks ago (how's that for awesome?) and then he uncovered the cheese plate before he went to grab the bread he had warming.

And as he walked away this nasty odor hit me and I was all "geeze, did you seriously just fart and walk away? You couldn't have waited? So romantic."

Rich vehemently denied doing any such thing, which I of course didn't believe, because the evidence was in the air! And my nose. And past history people - ten plus years of living with the guy. I know what he is capable of.

He continued to deny it though, and at that point I had to believe him, because really, what man denies producing a nose burner like I was smelling? It was the kind that you brag about to your guy friends at work the next day (at least I assume they do that, right?). So for him to deny it made no sense at all.

Well the smell didn't dissipate. I was a bit perplexed until I realized it was coming from the general area of the coffee table. Where the cheese plate was.

For our anniversary? My husband bought us fart cheese.

OMG, this was the worst smelling cheese I have ever encountered.

And not only did it smell like fart, it tasted like fart.

Don't ask me how I know what a fart tastes like, because until then I had no idea. I do now though, and it is not one bit pleasant. Just trust me on that.

And I was all "Dude, you have got to take this back and tell them something is wrong with it. Just tell them it tastes like farts. Like maybe the cow is sick. Maybe it's serious? The entire herd could be dying or something. It could be a fatal disease. A prion disease. But maybe we could stop it in time, before it is transferred to humans! We could save humanity if you would only take it back and tell them they sold us fart cheese!"


Even after ten years I have the power to make him speechless.

And that my friends is how we spent the evening of our ten-year wedding anniversary.

Was it just ten years ago?

The other morning I was awakened (why yes, I am channeling my inner 19th century English author today) at 5:45am by Kiel climbing over me and yelling “I wet, I wet.” He then proceeded to the area at the foot of the bed where we keep the diapers and do most of his diaper/clothes changes and lay himself down. As I stumbled out of bed I felt every damn self-defense move I did in karate the two days prior and moaned. It was also still dark in the room, and with Kiel in his dark pajamas I came very close to stepping directly on him as I fumbled my way past him to the bathroom. Because he was the one that peed already, not me.

My needs taken care of I changed his diaper and then at his insistence his pajamas too. Of course if he could have done more than just cry and whine at that point all of this would have happened faster because I wouldn’t have had to try and figure out why the hell he was still freaking out.

I then found my way downstairs to get him his “bok” (milk) while he screamed in the bedroom because I didn’t take him with me.

Milk was obtained and we both made it back to bed where Kiel positioned himself as close to me as possible without actually crawling back up inside me. He then spent the next several minutes stroking my left ear lobe and alternately whimpering and drinking from his sippy cup. Thankfully we both drifted back to sleep.

That is until the bedroom door opened at 6:05am to Noah urgently yelling “emergency, emergency, I pooped in the toilet.”

Since I refuse to deal with poop in anyone over six years old and Rich is a smart enough man to know that I’d just dealt with one kid, and it was his turn, he rolled himself out of bed to figure out what about pooping in the toilet constituted an emergency. (Just in case you are interested the emergency part was that it was one of Noah's trademarked "explosive" poops and it was in a few other places than just the toilet. All together now - ewwww!)

By the time Rich returned to bed Kiel had once again crawled over me to get out of bed. This time he was insisting that I turn the TV on so he could watch “Wow, Wow Wubzy,” which of course I do because hearing him say “Wow, Wow Wubzy” is about the most adorable thing ever.

Rich and I then had five minutes to pretend the alarm wasn’t about to go off, before in fact it did go off. I once again stumbled my way to the bathroom where my 42 year-old bladder insisted I pee again. As I sat there taking care of business Rich came in and said the sweetest words.

“Happy 10th Anniversary!”

I had to laugh. And then I promised him that in another ten years we would not be starting our anniversary off like that, because by then our kids would definitely not be sleeping in our bed or still need help wiping their ass. (Oh please don’t let them still be in our bed or need help wiping their ass.)

“Yeah, but they’ll be 13 and 17…It’ll be something.”

And he’s correct, but I know I’ll still be waking up with him, and that we’ll continue to see the humor and love in raising these crazy kids of ours.

I can’t imagine sharing this insane life with anyone else. Happy ten year anniversary my love!

Taking another step down the path towards Noah

I made it pretty clear in my post The Marked Child that I was concerned about Noah's social skills.

So, lest you think I'm all about bitching and whining, I did something about it.

Jerrod was Noah's CIT in his bunk this summer. Jerrod also trains at Action Karate and is on the demo team. He's 14 and just an all-around awesome kid.

So I asked him if he would be interested in hanging out with Noah for a couple hours a week. Be a friend, mentor, big brother kind of thing. Maybe help ease him into getting to know the other kids in the neighborhood. Or just be someone he can hang out with once or twice a week.

Jerrod has a younger brother that is on the spectrum, so he's no stranger to odd behaviors.

Noah isn't showing much excitement about doing this, but Noah doesn't show excitement when we bring anyone new in to the mix. Hopefully Jerrod won't take it personally and will stick it out until Noah gets comfortable. Noah is so used to people that work with him leaving eventually, so I wonder if that is part of it. Like why should I let another person in, have fun with them, and then have to say goodbye to them.

Hopefully that won't be an issue since Jerrod is young and we aren't hiring him through an agency.

I'll let you know how it works out. I'm just proud of myself that I'm continuing to move forward.

BTW, tomorrow we have his visual processing evaluation. I'm very anxious to get the results of that!

True confessions of the crazy kind

You know what drives me crazy? When my kids wear pajama tops that don't match the bottoms. Seriously, drives me insane! 

Why is that? I mean really, who cares? It's not like they are leaving the house or anyone is coming over. 

This summer I let Noah go off to camp with his shirt on backwards and mismatched socks, because that was how he wanted it and it wasn't worth the fight.

But mismatched pajamas? Enough to make me teeter on the edge. 

Crazy enough for you yet?

The "marked" child

Last Friday I met with Jon (Noah's TSS) and Pam (his behavioral specialist consultant) to "debrief"  from summer camp.

My plan was to briefly discuss the incident in arts and crafts, and then make sure I had a good understanding of how Noah handled camp overall, and how camp handled Noah. I hoped to leave the meeting with some concrete ideas on how we could better prepare everyone for next year, and some suggestions on which counselors we should request.

I certainly wasn't expecting to hear that camp had been all unicorns and rainbows for Noah. (It's hard to reach that conclusion when you measure success by the fact that he wasn't kicked out.) I did however think that Noah had fun this summer and that overall we could say it was successful, because yes, he wasn't kicked out. 

Instead what I heard was that Jon and Pam feel Noah would be better off at a new camp next summer where he can start fresh. Apparently the incident with the arts and crafts staff wasn't an isolated event as far as the negativity expressed towards Noah and the lack of support and encouragement he was given by the staff in general.  (Don't get me wrong. I will be the first to admit Noah can be a real pain in the ass. Even when you understand why he behaves the way he does it wears on you. If you don't understand he can be close to unlikable.)

Noah wasn't well liked by the staff or kids at camp. And where the staff could have stepped up and encouraged Noah to interact, and encouraged the other kids to be kind, they essentially let Noah isolate himself.

Noah is struggling more socially than I had realized. His behaviors are pushing kids away. He's become different enough that the other kids are noticing. And the fact that he is physical doesn't help.

Noah has never isolated himself from other kids before. That fact that he is isolating himself now tells me that he is more aware than we thought of how others perceive him. He may be aware, but he doesn't have the skills yet to understand why, or how to change it.

The improvements we saw earlier in the summer, with the latest medication changes, and after the intensive attachment therapy gave me hope. It also took off just enough of the pressure from one point on the complex equation that is Noah that I could start looking at other points.

So I have been paying more attention to how Noah interacts with other kids and adults outside our immediate family. Before his problems with other kids were more that he was too aggressive and impulsive, but in general the other kids liked him. Interacting with other adults has always been difficult for him, but I think I have a better understanding of why that is now.

Socially Noah is behind his peers are and I think that gap is growing. And I have done nothing to help this.

I've spoken before about my own social anxieties, and how I never made connections with other mothers in our neighborhood. And because of this Noah doesn't have play dates. And we don't have friends in the neighborhood that we can just hand out with and let the kids play.

Just like Noah became the "marked" child at camp, he's become the "marked" child in our neighborhood. Riding the "short bus" hasn't helped at all with the isolation.

And I see now that I have not done enough for Noah. That I have let him down. Not only have I not been a good role model for him when it comes to friendships, but I haven't taken the reigns myself to create situations for Noah to socialize in. I've let the times I've been burned keep me from trying again. 

And then I read this months book for the "From Left to Write" Book Club,  Cowboy &  Wills by Monica Holloway. Cowboy & Wills is a moving memoir about Holloway's young son Wills, who is diagnosed with high functioning autism, his golden retriever puppy Cowboy, and the power of the love between a boy and his dog.

Sometimes you read a book that absolutely resonates with you. That touches you and makes you say over and over again, "wow, yes, me too!" And sometimes you read a book that makes you see yourself in a different way. Or inspires you to be more than you already are.

Cowboy & Wills was that book for me. I read how much Holloway did for her son Wills. The hours of therapists, the social events she supported him through, even though she really just wanted to take him home where he wanted to be. Doing things with him that forced him to be in public and interact with the world.

I have not done that enough with Noah. I have let my anxieties get in the way.

I told Rich the other day that we have got to do more for Noah. I knew what he was thinking. Are we still not doing enough? What more can we do?

We have to put him in social situations and help him succeed.

I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do this, but I will. Noah deserves my best. I owe him my best. And I will find him friends. Hopefully of the two legged variety and not the four legged. Although I'm not going to rule out a puppy!

This is an inspired post written for the "From Left to Write" Book Club. A copy of Cowboy & Wills was provided to me by the publishers. I am not being compensated for this post and all opinions are my own.