Tuesday, October 03, 2006

It's not looking great...

I admit I haven't gone in to this cycle with much optimism. I've basically had the "if I don't think it will work, I won't be devastated when it doesn't" attitude. I wish it was that simple.

The ultrasound on Saturday showed some awesome follicles, certainly not a predictor of what I'm hearing today.

Egg report today:
13 eggs retrieved
8 were mature
rare, nonmotile sperm in sample
frozen sperm sample used
4 eggs fertilized

Well, you know 4 eggs today is unlikely to mean 4 embryos at transfer.

Last cycle:
14 eggs retrieved
10 mature
8 fertilized
7 became 4 cells day 2
4 were 8 cells or better at transfer
0 took

Apparently one of my ovaries was tucked behind my uterus yesterday, and they couldn't really get to it. I assume they got some from it or I wouldn't have had the 13.

I'm the kind of person that needs answers. And statistics. I need to know what the odds are that my 4 fertilized eggs will be 4 tomorrow, and what the chances are that they will be any on Thursday. I need to know why they couldn't get to the one ovary and how hard they tried. I need to know if using the frozen sample is why only 50% fertilized, when 80% fertilized last time. I need to know if our chance of getting pregnant would be better if we used the donor sperm we have frozen on backup. I need to know why Sparklyhusband has sperm one day and not another. I need to know that this result isn't because yesterday was a holiday (Yom Kippur) and everyone was in a hurry to get out of there, and it wasn't the "second string" embryologist doing the work.

What I don't need to hear is "all you need is one."

It's a number game, and the less there are, the lower the chances.

We have spent over 80K between our fertility treatments and the adoption of The Boy. I don't think I can justify the expense of another cycle. But at the same time I'm not sure I can give up all my dreams of being pregnant and having another child.

I'm back in to the "it's not fair" funk.


  1. Crap- I'm sorry. I won't totally give up hope yet, but I can see why you are having a hard time holding onto it. There are no easy answers- I too am confused about the sperm issue. I'm sorry, but I'm hoping that one of your four sticks around long enough to turn into a real live baby.

  2. I'm sorry that things aren't going like you want. I want answers too! Why is this so hard for all of us?

    I understand what you mean on the numbers game - last cycle I was frustrated because, although most of the eggs retrieved were mature, I only had 3 embryos left by Day 5, and they transferred 2, and froze 1. So this go-round, we don't have enough to try a FET so have to do another fresh.

    Just a question - can't remember if you've already answered this - has SH gone to a urologist to diagnose why he has sperm sometimes and not other times? My DH has a severely low count, but the urologist couldn't tell us ANYTHING about why. Nobody seems to know anything about non-genetic or obstructive MFI and it is pretty frustrating.

    I hope that your 4 embryos keep growing and that you have something great to transfer on Thursday. I will continue to hope and pray for you.

  3. (((hugs))) I hope everything works out for you.