Monday, July 24, 2006

Babies, babies everywhere....or always an aunt, but never knocked up

Rough day at work today. Sometimes working with all women sucks!

Worse though, was coming home and having Amazing Daddy say that my best friends mother had called to say that my best friend gave birth this morning to a little girl. She's the friend that at 37 got pregnant less than two months after her wedding. That her new baby, Maisy, is doing well is wonderful. That I can't feel any excitement for her is what sucks.

What kind of friend am I? Her entire pregnancy has been very difficult for me. Granted, I've only seen her once since her wedding (she's in Michigan, I'm the one that left her to move to PA), so it hasn't exactly been in my face. We've only spoken on the phone maybe five times since then too. All my fault really, because when I do talk to her I can't stand when she complains about being pregnant.

I'm so happy that she didn't have to deal with any infertility issues. My god, it took her long enough to find the right man, and what a miracle that she conceived basically on their first try. But, she knows everything I went through trying to get pregnant, and she knows about our IVF cycle (not that it failed though, because she never called to see how I was doing).

What I don't understand is that I work with two women who are pregnant, and just found out another is pregnant. And I'm so happy for them! It isn't hard for me to be around them at all. So why is it so hard when it's my best friend? What kind of bitch am I?

Adding to my IF depression, we found out yesterday that our neighbor is pregnant with her third (her second Oopps) baby. This is a family that never has enough money and they complain about it all the time, but they have nicer cars (two SUV's) than us, and pretty much get what ever they want when they want. She just quit her job a few weeks ago too. She's also the one that I hear SCREECHING at her kids all day long.

WTF huh? So life isn't fair they say. No shit! But that doesn't help me act excited for my friend and her new little girl.

1 comment:

  1. Hey there... thanks so much for your comment on my blog. I well know how truly tough my adoption stuff is to read... and I give you INCREDIBLE credit for reading it through the eyes of an adoptive mom.

    I hope you do continue to read the rest of the posts... because you know what... I DO end up working through a LOT of this stuff... and have made INCREDIBLE progress in the healing of my relationship with my adoptive mom. Largely because she has finally come around enough to acknowledge some of my own pain. The second she did that... 39 years of barriers started to crumble down.

    Now... my adoptive mother is a bit of a nutbar... so do please keep that in mind as I work through my shit.

    And you know what... infertility IS unfair. FUCKING unfair. I understand every ounce of your pain and frustration and I would NEVER judge your family... provided you truly strive to be an open and understanding mom to your children's needs. I suspect, although I don't know you, that the very fact that you choose to read the incredible harsh words I sometimes have to say... PROVES that you are exactly that type of mother.

    I wish you and your family every happiness... and hope you come back to visit my blog again... so that you can read some of the less painful stuff.

    Fondest regards,
    Thin Pink Line