I think I forgot to mention fear yesterday. The fear that I won't be enough for Noah. The fear that nothing will be enough for him. The fear that he will be a statistic no matter what we do.
And also the fear that if we can't learn to manage his rages in the next several years, especially important before he hits puberty and hormones start. Well, shoot me now! There has to be a line in the sand that we will not allow him to cross. We haven't set that line yet. I'm not ready to set that line yet. But at some point we may need to give it serious thought.
Thinking like that just kills me.
But beyond the fear, today I am in "do" mode. This is the time in the cycle when I am at my best.
I can make doctor appointments, find my way into specialists, research the current treatments, and read book after book. And yes Noah's elementary school principal, I just might have a 45 minute Power Point presentation for you again next fall. Which I rocked! Despite your suckage.
I do "do" well. We have three specialists appointments coming up in the next two weeks (developmental peds, International Adoption Health Clinic, plus the new psychiatrist), plus we have an appointment with an expert in FASD.
The ball is rolling to get in with the neuropsych department at CHOP so I just need to wait. Our IA doctor submitted that referral.
Two of my Orlando sisters sent me books. Thanks Laurie and Torina!
And Laurie came down with her husband and two kids (one RAD, one FASD and bipolar) Saturday to go to the zoo with us and give us some moral support.
Laurie is amazing and has been a huge support for me. I have to give her full credit for getting me on this path.
Obviously, I don't want to be on this path, but we are. And the path seems to make sense. I hope it will help us figure out who Noah is. If we can find his strengths and weaknesses now we can learn how to help him use them best.
I like that I am writing again. I missed it. And I certainly needed it.
I'm starting to question the title of my blog though. Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine. Is that still appropriate do you think? Or am I just being extra sensitive right now? Any other thoughts?