Friday, October 08, 2010

It starts out with an enema. And ends up with ice in my panties.

So Monday is the big day for the lady bits!

Monday afternoon I am scheduled to have the frankenvulva revised, my pussy professionally tightened, my bladder put in a sling, and the inappropriate poop pocket that is poking into my vagina removed and redirected to my rectum where it belongs.

Go ahead, cringe if you must. I'm not exactly excited about the next couple weeks, other than I'll probably get more sleep than I have in months.

I'm trying to look at the bigger picture in that two months from now I'll be peeing and pooping like a normal person and at the same time have a flower-like labia with a perfectly tightened pussy.

I like to keep things positive...

So I was thinking that considering my doctor (and the other ten or so people in the room) aren't exactly getting the best view of me during the surgery  (Because no, I don't really consider my acne scarred, white ass with my legs splayed open to be one of my better looks.) that perhaps I should provide them with something to make them smile and/or laugh about as they get started.

Maybe I could draw arrows pointing to my vagina and the message "tighten here?"

A smiley face seems kind of tame considering how up close and personal they are all going to be with me.

I'm a little surprised at myself, but I'm struggling to come up with something clever. Any ideas readers? Go crazy and throw 'em at me in the comments. 

I'll be in the hospital at least one night. Hopefully my bladder will cooperate and I won't have to come home with a catheter (ughh).

Feel free to send flowers or chocolate. Or expensive electronic devices - I've been drooling over the new Kindles. Or a Nook. I'm not picky. I'll certainly have plenty of time to read over the next couple weeks as I sit with frozen maxi-pads in my underwear.


1 comment:

  1. I am all for getting a bikini wax in an interesting shape in this instance - perhaps the arrow you mentioned, or maybe the peace symbol.