Apparently Aunt Flo is stuck in Crazy Town (Alternate title - You may need to be from Philly to completely understand this post.)

A couple times a year PMS hits harder than usual. This would be one of those times.

A week ago I went through the FB* stage, which lasted about a day. Fortunately, I could see the ridiculousness of my mood and was able to alternately laugh about it and warn people away.

Two days later I was crying over televised fireworks.

Yesterday I started crying about the Duck Boat.**

I've also gone through the short tempered phase, the I have absolutely no patience phase, the get out of my fucking way phase, and the I hate green cars and every idiot that drives them phase (which occurred concurrently with the "get out of my fucking way" phase).

This has been going on for a week now, with no end in sight.

It's not just the mood swings though. It's also been a week of insomnia. Like my body has completely forgotten how to fall asleep before 2am.

And then there is the alternating bouts of constipation and diarrhea. I'm a fucking Pepto Bismol commercial. Color me pink and flush me down peoples.

But to top it all? Are you ready for this?

I was talking with Noah today and I used the word 'youze' in a sentence. I'm not even sure how to spell it, but I damn well said it. Out loud. In the appropriate context. I was (thisclose) to washing my own mouth out with soap. Or sticking a fork in an electrical outlet to reboot my brain.

Clearly I'm days, if not hours, away from a total meltdown. Either that or I'm going to need an extra large serving of Scrapple and some Peanut Chews.

I'm not sure I've ever wished Aunt Flo would hurry up and get here as much as I do right now.

*Fucking Bitch

**I also began having mini-anxiety attacks because I couldn't stop myself from picturing the accident with the Duck Boat, but with me on it with the boys. I then had several intense conversations with myself (in my head - which only makes it marginally less crazy) about what I would have done. The truly distressing part was that I kept thinking I wouldn't be able to save both of them, which is really fucking with my head. And not at all funny.