Earlier this week I stood in front of a highly emotional group of parents at my son’s elementary school and expressed disappointment in their lack of compassion. I was the only person there to speak up publicly and express support for the issue at the heart of the meeting. And while I spoke I was yelled and cursed at. It’s probably an understatement to say I didn’t make any friends that night.The issue? The creation of a transitional living facility for three older teenage boys convicted of sexual offenses as juveniles.
I’ll stop and give you a few seconds now to pick your jaw up off the floor, because I bet the thought going through your mind right now is “are you freaking kidding me? You are in favor of moving rapists into your community?”
It’s a pretty visceral reaction isn’t it? “Hell no, not in my town!”
And yes, that is what many people spoke up and said at Monday night’s community information session held by Doylestown-based Edison Court, a non-profit organization that specializes in the treatment of juvenile sex offenders, sexual abuse victims and their families.
I urge you to read the articles written in The Intelligencer, our local paper, here, here and here. And then please come back, because I’d like to have a serious and respectful discussion about an issue that is affecting more than just my community of Warrington. I hope you’ll move beyond the initial knee-jerk reaction you might have had when you read my first few sentences and differentiate between your perceived fear and what the real risk is.
I don’t deny this is a serious and scary issue. As a parent with young kids I would do absolutely anything in my power to protect them. I was at that meeting because I wanted to hear more about the issue, and make sure I understood what was being proposed before I took a stand. Because when I heard that juvenile sex offenders would be housed in my community I wanted to know more, so I did some research. And what I found out didn’t scare me. In fact, I was proud to know that we have an organization like Edison Court in Bucks County; an organization that is doing some amazing work with teenagers that would otherwise be lost to the system. Yes, these kids did something horrible, because no matter how you spin it, sexual offenses are horrible. These are also kids that in most cases would be part of a system that managed them, but didn’t treat them. And then at age 21, they would be released from the system regardless of suitability or treatment compliance. You might say the kids at the heart of this issue got lucky, because they qualified for and entered a program that is set up to provide intensive therapy and rehabilitation and is giving them a chance to become productive members of society. The fact is that there is a difference between the juvenile sex offenders Edison Court works with, and the violent, pedophilic adult sex offenders that so many people think of when they hear the words “sex offender.”
So I attended that meeting to listen, and see if any of those initial, visceral fears I had were founded. While I do believe that most people deserve second chances, especially kids, I’m not willing to give someone a second chance at the real risk of my own family being hurt.
I assumed I would be witnessing a civil conversation between Edison Court and members of my community. Naively, I expected a respectful dialogue that would address our fears and help us as a community understand the real issues and the real risks of this project. The reality is that the individuals they want to place in this transitional living environment are three teenagers that have successfully completed a rigorous inpatient treatment program over a 2.5 to 3 year period, but do not have a family that is able to, or that they are willing to, go back to. They have earned the right to increased community interaction. While the crimes they committed are by definition horrible, they were not done using aggression or weapons.
Instead, I witnessed some very un-civil behavior directed at the representatives of Edison Court as they stood in front of a largely hostile crowd and attempted to answer our questions and help us understand the real issues. Most of the people in the audience didn’t want to hear that what was being proposed would add an additional layer of support and protection not only for these teenagers, but for the community at large. Because the reality is that if this transitional living facility doesn’t come to fruition, these teenagers will be released into the community on their own, with no supervision.
There were a few people that asked good questions and spoke of their fear and concerns in a respectful manner. Unfortunately, the majority of people that spoke up made it clear with their actions and voice that they didn’t want to hear the answers or explanations. Several people yelled, a few cursed. There were shouts of “liar” from the crowd. It was clear that most of the people there had made up their mind on this issue before the meeting even started. And they were mad! And scared. And nothing that was said was going to change what they believed.
Some people came prepared with statistics, and newspaper articles, and definitions. The only problem was the information they were “sharing” was about violent adult sex offenders and wasn’t relevant to the juvenile offenders that Edison Court works with. Several times I heard statements from the crowd that “these deviants can’t be rehabilitated.”
As I listened to my neighbors speak against this project I found myself disappointed with my own community. First, because many of the people that spoke up commended Edison Court for what they were doing, but made it very clear that they should go somewhere else to do it. “Not in my back yard! Let another town deal with it.” One woman even stood up from her seat and yelled “If their own parents don’t want them, why should we?”
I sat there wondering what had happened to our humanity. When did we lose our compassion for other people? When did we lose our ability to reason? And why is it OK to push off our problems onto another community? And I realized that no one was going to speak up in support of this project, or these kids. Not a single person raised their voice to say “hey, you guys aren’t listening! You aren’t looking at the real issue. You have scared yourselves silly but you don’t understand the real risk.” Were there people there thinking as I did? Were they just too scared to stand up and say it, I wondered?
There is a theory in social psychology called the “spiral of silence” that asserts that a person is less likely to voice an opinion on a topic if he/she feels they are in the minority, for fear of reprisal or isolation from the majority. I can relate to that fear because I too sat in that meeting with no plan to voice my opinion. I sat through 2 ½ hours of that meeting before I couldn’t take it any longer and after listening to one particularly idiotic blow-hard, I stood up. I walked to the front of that room, took the microphone, and told the people there that I was disappointed in their lack of compassion and reason.
I’ll be honest; I don’t remember exactly what I said. At one point I remember thinking, “oh crap, that’s really me talking.” I know that I was trying to ask the crowd to listen, to try and understand what was being proposed, and to stop fanning the flame of a misguided fear. I remember telling a woman that was yelling at me that what she was screaming about wasn't the real problem. And when a woman in the front row started swearing at me, I stood there and waited until she was done, then started talking again.
By the time I finished and walked back to my seat I was shaking. But I knew I had done the right thing. Continuing to sit there and listen to the misinformed fear of my peers and say nothing, was wrong. Even though I know I didn’t change anyone’s mind, and I'm sure I could have said it better, I’m proud of myself.
And when I went to bed that night I knew I had done the right thing. I'm still wondering if I was the only person in that room in favor of this project. Or maybe I am just incredibly naive.
This post was original written for the Philly Moms Blog, which is no longer live.
