Thursday, January 07, 2010

That post in which I admit there is some bed hoppin' going on.

I'm almost afraid to admit this due to the reaction that I've received from a few people in the past, but damn it, we are about honesty on MNT, right?

So here I go, I'm just going to come out with it.

*deep breath*

Those of us in the MNT household aren't always known for sleeping in their assigned beds.

Wow! It felt really good to get that out there!


OK, in all honesty,  its really Kiel and myself that have the bed hopping problem.

Just like Noah, Kiel has his own room. Right now it has a very nice crib in it and a double bed.

His room is my favorite room in the house. I love the soft green color we painted it (darker on the bottom with a white chair rail), and because of a little "oops" with someones big foot and a half-full paint can that I may or may not have been responsible for not putting the lid back on tightly, we have a gorgeous wood floor in there too.

It's a very peaceful room, and I like to go in there in the evening and read until I'm ready to go to sleep. Sometimes I fall asleep in there while I'm reading. Sometimes if the insomnia has a particularly strong hold on me I'll move from my room to Kiel's room for a change of scenery. And sometimes Rich's snoring is just so obnoxious loud I go into Kiel's room out of self preservation because going to prison for the rest of my life for manslaughter doesn't really appeal to me where it is quiet.

Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking "but what about Kiel? Isn't that disturbing him?"

To which I answer?

bwah ha ha ha ha

No seriously.

bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Like Kiel has ever actually slept in his room at night. Don't even ask about the crib.*

Kiel has always slept best when Rich or I are holding him. From day one he has wanted that physical contact with someone he loves and trusts.

And I completely understand that! I never feel safer than when Rich is holding me. It's just the drooling (yes mine if we are being honest) and snoring, and the heat from that sexy furnace that I married, that keep me from sleeping on top of him too.

So all of this is leading up to my admission that Kiel sleeps with us, in our room.


As of recently, in our bed.

I know! The horrors. We are terrible parents.

We've been warned -  He'll never leave. We'll never sleep by ourselves again. Rich and I will never have The Sex again. Kiel will never learn to sleep by himself. Etc., etc., etc.

But you know what? Kiel is happy. And he sleeps better.

And you know what else? Rich and I are happy as well. And WE sleep better, even if it does sometimes mean I wake up to a foot by my head.

It feels good to know we can give Kiel this comfort. We know he won't sleep with us forever. Some day he's going to want the privacy of his own room. Some day he is going to be too big, too grown up, to want to be with us like that. I'm not saying I'll ever let him stop being my baby, but I know that some day he won't want to be.

Until then if letting him sleep with us gives him the security** he needs, and all of us the sleep we need, there is room in our bed for him.***

Sometimes I think that in the craziness and uncertainty of parenting, that we forget that Mommy's and Daddy's can make magic. And there is nothing more powerful than the magic of a parent's love and understanding. And acceptance.

*I occasionally put him in it for a nap. And I only do that because clearly I enjoy torturing him. He hates it that much. Yesterday he beat me at my own game. He mastered the art of climbing out of the crib. There is now nothing the monkey can't climb out of.

**I strongly regret that we didn't let Noah sleep with us when we first brought him home from the orphanage. I think that would have helped immensely with his attachment and teaching him to trust us.

***There is not however room in our bed for him AND that freaking talking playschool bus he wanted to sleep with last night.



  1. Lovely post! I have never known anyone who needed therapy for being allowed to snuggle up with their loving parents, feel secure and know that they are treasured. Co-sleeping is happening in more homes than you know. Soak up every minute of it. I miss those snuggle-bug days! Kids will clearly let you know when they are ready to be rid of you!

  2. We cosleep, too. It won't last forever and I think we all sleep better.

  3. We did co-sleeping, and extended breastfeeding, and most of the other attachment parenting techniques. In fact, I started an attachment parenting group in Tacoma when Carter was a baby. Really helps to have support when doing something different than the accepted norm. Look up Mothering Magazine for some literary support. Carter stopped all of it with little difficulty at age 3, so it does end.

  4. Let me works for you and you're willing to deal with the possible challenges of getting him in his own bed when you're ready to have *the sex* again Where's the problem?

  5. and when do we care what other people think of what happens in our homes, as long as it is loving children the best we can? since i became a parent 7 months ago, i am ASTOUNDED at the comments, judgemental and annoying, that can come at we parents. your home, your kids, your solitude, your sleep -- love and snuggle as much as they'll take it b/c we all know they go off, marry someone, and then mom's are left in the dust. snuggle now before the snuggles go cold :)

  6. I'm with the others commenting here. It is working for all of you so where is the problem

    Some family members gave us grief for doing the same. At age 6 our son sleeps in his own bed almost every night. About twice a month he asks to sleep in "big bed". He made the transition at his own pace & everyone sleeps well.

  7. It's not an ideal situation, but sleep at whatever price is the goal. P.S. They do leave, I promise.

  8. Kiel is probably sleeping in his own bed by now (sorry, working my way through old posts), but my 3-year old daughter has been sleeping in our bed for the last month due to a nightmare she had about a giant coming into her room and commandeering her bed. We tried EVERYTHING to get her to sleep in her own bed, and after several nights in which I got no sleep and still had to go to work the next day, I said, "Screw it. We're all suffering here, and just because we value other people's opinions more than hers?" She starts out in her own bed and comes into our room if she wakes up because she feels safe with us. Why would I deny her that?

    1. Stephanie - I am so with you. And, guess what, Kiel still sleeps with us! I am ready for him to sleep in his own bed (mostly ready), but he is going to have to decide he is ready too, or it is going to be a nightmare to make it happen.