An open letter to Jennifer Weiner

Dear Jen,

First let me say that I love your books. I may have been a little bit late in finding them, but that's just me. I'm typically late to the party, if I even get there at all...

Anyway...like I said, I love your books. I love the characters in your books. I love that I can relate to them.  I love how you tackle subjects like weight and body image and dysfunctional families. I love that your books are set in the Philadelphia area. I love your story lines.

And I really love your snarky sense of humor. In fact, I think we'd make great friends. If I wasn't too shy and awkward to actually meet you in person that is. So no worries there.

But this letter isn't about blowing sunshine up your tuchus. This letter is about my hair.

You see, this weekend I read Certain Girls (and yes, I know, I'm a little behind on my reading - but I paid full price for the book, so I think that makes up for it - also, see above). And you made me fucking cry. The ugly cry! The LONG ugly cry. And then my eyes were all puffy the rest of the day and my contacts got all blurry and I had to put in new ones. And I took a Xanax.  And then I went to get my hair cut and colored and had a glass of wine while the color was on. And between the ugly puffy eyes highlighting my fat, makeup-less face, the Xanax, and the wine, I told the stylist I wanted a change and she could do whatever she wanted. And she did. And now I have SHORT hair, and it totally highlights my eyes, which are still red and puffy. See how it all relates? And how it is all your fault?

So yeah, seriously bitch, you could have warned me Peter was going to die. I totally DID NOT see that one coming. At. All.

Anyway...could you give me a bit of a heads up on Best Friends Forever?  Because if I'm going to do the ugly cry while reading that one I need to schedule it a bit better.

Thanks in advance and all that,

Mommy Needs Therapy