Tuesday, July 01, 2014

The During - You don't get casseroles when your child is in the nut house

Another post from the time Noah was in the hospital. 
I get that people don't always know what to say to me. My honesty about what is going on with Noah is uncomfortable for some.

Having a child at a psychiatric hospital isn't the same as if they were in a "real" hospital. At least that is what most people think.  Noah might not be fighting for his life (right now anyway), but we are damn well fighting for Noah's future right now, and for our family. 

If Noah was in a regular hospital we would be able to stay. We would be able to be with him 24/7 if we wanted. At this hospital we can visit twice a day for an hour. On the hospitals schedule, not ours. They give us a few minutes leeway on either side, but don't bother asking for anything different.

The house is staying neater without Noah here, and the kitchen isn't getting as messy because we aren't eating regular meals. The laundry is clean but still in baskets. The vacuum hasn't been touched in a while or the toilets cleaned. A wonderful friend of mine has gifted me with a visit from her cleaning woman. She will come sometime next week. I feel guilty accepting what feels to me like an extravagant gift, but I am accepting it gratefully. Very gratefully. As awesome as it will be to have someone clean our house, it is even more wonderful to know that we are being thought of and that someone understands how difficult this time is and that help is appreciated.

Two other friends of mine, teachers that have worked with both Noah and Kiel, sent me a gift bag with chocolate and a gift certificate for a massage. While the gift itself is wonderful, it is another reminder that we are not alone. We have isolated ourselves in the past, but as we go through this I am learning how much we need help and that we can't do this alone.

My trauma mommas have been unbelievably supportive. So many of them have been through this themselves. There is no stigma when talking about it with them.

The parent's of Kiel's best friend have been very helpful, especially taking Kiel at times so we could visit Noah together.

Unfortunately, it's situations like this that show you who you can't count on as well. I'm incredibly sad that my brother and his wife have not contacted us at all. I think that hurts me more than anything else as we go through this with Noah.



  1. Hi, our son is adopted from Vidnoye also. He was born January 12, 2002. Adopted October 13, 2002. My 1/2 aunt also adopted from there, after me, maybe 2003.

    1. Cindy - we were at Vidnoye in June of 2013 and again in August. There are several families in our area that adopted from there. :)

  2. We have been in an out of a residential childrens phyc unit, in and out of the phyc ward at the hospital and are currently enrolled in a short term day program. I agree that people are sooooo not comfortable with my sharing. I need to talk. This is not my comfort zone or something I want to do and since my child, 11, is not mine permantly we get the, " so quit, say she has to go" It has made our home a crazy place and we even had to have the police involved. Some people have been at least verbally supportive. My question. If I don't stay by her, who will? Who will teach her that she is worth fighting for. She has had 9 days today that have been good and lovable, both ways. Yes, she let me hug her and give her a kiss today. Wow. Last week I was the ***##***!!! that she wanted out of her life. I believe there is a better tomorrow. It may never look like the Jones' at our house but it can will get better. Hopefully I'm alive to see it.