I've only been writing for PMB since the beginning of the year, but it has been an amazing experience. It was a leap for me at the time. While I have been writing on MNT for almost five years, I wasn't sure I was ready to write somewhere else, especially for something as big as SVMG. The opportunity came at a time though when I wasn't feeling particularly safe writing what I was really feeling here, on MNT. So even though I knew my voice was going to be different writing for PMB, it offered me a place to continue to write and to stretch a bit beyond my comfort zone. Obviously I didn't stretch too far on a few posts, since I still managed to write about boogers and my crazy kids. However, I also managed to get one of my posts published/syndicated (I'm still not sure of the actual term), which just fed my bug to write. Because while I write for many reasons, one of reasons is that I like knowing that people read me!
I have no doubts that I'll find another place to continue to learn and grow with my writing, outside of MNT, but I think right now this is a good time to refocus on my own blog and why I started writing here in the first place.
Almost five years ago I started Mama Sparklykatt (my first blog) to have a place to document Noah's childhood and to give myself a safe place to vent. For months it was just me. And then I received my first comment. And gradually I gained an audience. Readers that connected with me over adoption, parenting, special needs, infertility, etc.. Readers that I have become friends with.
Over the last five years I've learned a lot; about myself, about parenting, about how I want to live my life. I've written many things I'm proud of. I've written a few things that frankly stunk. Only once have I removed a post (that I later decided was not my story to tell). I have written many things that I never posted and that still sit in my drafts box. I am incredibly proud of what I have created here on MNT, and have no plans to stop it.
Some of you have contacted me and asked me what is going on. Some of you have noticed that my writing has changed. And it has. And to those of you who noticed, I say THANK YOU! Because wow, knowing that people read me that closely, to notice something is different, well, all I can say is WOW. And again, THANK YOU!
Several months ago a couple members of my family started reading my blog. While anyone is welcome to read here, as I am in the public domain after all, knowing my family was reading was, well, strange. And made me feel very vulnerable. Especially since at the time those members of my family were not communicating with me. And whether they were or not, I felt that I was being judged. Since I was already very sensitive to family criticism, especially about my parenting, I stopped putting myself out there in my writing in the same way as I had before. And I stopped documenting what is going on with Noah in the same way.
And for seven months I have not enjoyed writing on my own blog as I did before. I have censored myself. And I stopped using my writing to help me work through my feelings. And by doing that I haven't been fair to myself, and I haven't been fair to my readers who come here (at least I hope) because of my honesty
So I'm going to work on getting back to the MNT I was once proud of. The MNT that wrote honestly and connected. I ask you to reconnect with me, and call me out if I act scared again.
If you don't like what I write, don't read it. It's as simple as that. I'm taking back my blog!