Mommy Needs Therapy...or a bottle of wine.

As a combination birthday gift, Christmas gift, some extra cash I made from doing some surveys and some sewing, I was able to buy a new laptop. Whoohoo!

It's very cool and silver and shiny! And I really suck with that touch pad thingy! And I still need to figure out how to balance it on my lap while curled up on the couch. But, theoretically, since it is likely to be right there next to me every evening (since I spent most evenings on the couch) I should be blogging much more frequently! Oh you lucky guys you!

So here are some thoughts from the past week.

I had a nasty cold last weekend, super nasty, snotty, buggery, coughy, some fever, achooachoo cold. Felt most terrible for at least four days. Of course, three of those four days Amazing Daddy was out of town. SH travels out of town maybe twice a year, and usually at my urging, since it is to do some private consulting or advising and generally means a little extra chunk of change for us. So yeah, it all sounded great two months ago when he was invited on this little shindig.

Didn't sound nearly as great when it came time for him to leave and I was on the couch with a 101F on what was so far the nicest day of the year. I convinced The Boy that it would be great fun to have a pajama day and watch TV and movies all day. And for the most part it was, until he wanted to go outside and I said I couldn't, and he cried, because he was ready for me not to be sick anymore. And, that time where I fell asleep on the couch and didn't realize he was upstairs raiding the top of my husbands dresser for gum, tootsie rolls and spare change. Thankfully the phone rang and woke me up, and then I realized I had no idea where my son was.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday my mom called me. I still felt like crap mind you. I had finally told my sister in law that I was pregnant. She has three boys 11, 8 and 5. So my mom told me that she and Kari had been talking and they wondered if I knew how hard this was going to be. It seems to be a running theme with my mother. Oh, you are going to be so tired, how are you going to do this. Are you sure you want to do this with all TB's problems. How are you going to manage. Does AD really want this, he is almost 50 you know. blahhhh, blahhh, blahhh. No matter how much I tell her that I don't want her negative thoughts, she continues.

So on Tuesday I asked her how she thought hearing that was helpful to me. Oh she says, we are just sympathizing. But, I said, it hasn't happened yet, so how is it helping? And then I may have pushed things a little by saying that, well, maybe I should just get rid of the baby now, cause shit, it will be hard and I will be tired, but really, so what if we spent $40,000 getting here, why don't I just go abort the baby right now, cause shit, I'll be tired. WTF!!!!!! So she said that maybe I should go get some sleep, and I haven't heard from her since.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

American Idol hell! Oh yeah, I watched, and cried. And fucking donated $100. Hi honey, yeah, forgot to mention, I donated to AI gives back! Yup, $100. I know.....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So it's a little strange being a first time pregnant mom, who already has a child. I'm not a first time mom, but yet I've never experienced pregnancy or birth before either. Where exactly do I fit in?

Do I get a baby shower? I did have a post adoption shower for The Boy that my family did for us. It was very, very nice and they were very generous. My husbands work did a shower for him before we went to get TB and they were extremely generous. My work threw a small party with a cake and pizza for lunch one day and gave us some gifts. All quite nice! Very nice, and I am in no way complaining. I feel quite honored that anyone at all thought of us. Amazing Daddy's family did nothing, but then in the Jewish tradition you don't give baby showers before the baby comes.

So what about with this baby? I never had a true baby shower, as in here I am pregnant as house, guess how big the stomach is, silly shower games and ribbon hats etc. kind of shower. So now I'm pregnant with my first baby, but really, it's not my first baby. And I know many believe you don't get a shower after baby number one. So is it OK to still want a shower? Cause really, I still need all the newborn stuff that we didn't need for TB. How selfish am I being?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And some more whining about being pregnant for the first time, but not really. This should be a time where AD and I are just all in to my pregnant body and whats going on in there, treating me like a queen, etc.. Everyone asks if he is going out at 2am to get me ice cream. Yeah right, the poor guy is so busy taking care of TB while I sleep on the couch every evening, that there is no way he's waking up for anything at 2am. AD is being so awesome and supportive, and taking care of TB is no easy feat some days. I'm just sad for both of us that we aren't able to revel in this pregnancy the way we have wanted to for almost eight years.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, whining is over. Next post more positive I promise.