Giant blob of nothing? Or just the most depressing day of the year?

Imagine my surprise to find out today is the most depressing day of the year. So it's really not that I'm just a giant blob of nothingness?

Just a crappy day - first day back after hand surgery, my incision isn't healing well and the stitches dissolved before they should have, The Boy was more than a handful yesterday, and apparently the hormones are making me a little crazy this time.

I just wrote a big blurb about working and feeling under appreciated, blah, blah, blah, but I deleted it since there is always the chance someone from work could read this. Let me just say Congrat's NG, you deserve it, I'm just sorry that the balance I've been waiting to get back for the last four months isn't going to happen after all. So yeah, being the lowest paid and having the cube by the bathroom is kind of bothering me.

I came home crying tonight and Amazing Daddy thinks I've really lost my mind. Poor guy.

I don't think staying home last week and doing nothing but read, sleep, eat and watch TV was all that great for my mental health.

Overshadowing all of this wallowing we found out last Friday that one of our cats has cancer. He had a lump removed from his butt last week and the pathology came back indicating its an adenocarcenoma. Apparently the prognosis is poor. He's ten, and one of the sweetest, easy going cats I've ever known. More like a dog sometimes. He's incredibly needy and would be in our laps all the time if possible. Almost too needy, especially at 4 in the morning. So now he's walking around with one of those goofy collars on his neck so he can't lick his hiney. We could take him to a specialist and give him chemo, but that just doesn't seem right. Plus, to be quite frank, we just don't have the cash for that right now. This lump removal has already cost us close to a grand.

And talk about money. We have to go to a Bat Mitzvah in South Carolina for AD's best friends daughter in March. So two plane tickets, two or three nights at a hotel, a rental car, at least two new outfits (cause not only is there the service and a luncheon, but also a dinner reception that evening (cocktail attire, doncha know)) and despite what AD says I can't wear the same outfit to both events. And don't forget the gift for the bat mitzvah girl. And since they are rich I guess the check has to be even more than usual (apparently the going rate is between $150 and $300 these days). This is one Jewish custom I just don't get. I do not understand treating a bar or bat mitzvah like a freaking wedding.

And to add insult to injury, AD told this friend of his last fall that I'd lost 50 pounds (which was way more than I had really lost) despite my asking him not to. So you can imagine how excited I am to see them considering I gained it all back with this damn fertility shit. Of course it's all my insecurities coming out, but damn it, I've never felt very comfortable with them.

The only thing that will save me now is if I get pregnant, because AD has said in the past he doesn't want me to travel during the first trimester. But you know, that won't happen because I'm fertily cursed.

catching up

I had carpel tunnel surgery on my right hand last week, so that's my excuse for not blogging for the last week. The several weeks before that I have no excuse for.

So right now I'm typing with a splint on, eating cannoli's and watching American Idol. I'm on vacation this week, which is somewhat disappointing since I can't do anything cause my damn hand hurts. Amazing Daddy is of course very supportive and frequently tells me I should be taking it easy and not pushing it, but could I please just give the cat his pills, make dinner, go to the store, etc. while giving me attitude when I remind him I can't wash the dishes in the sink because I can't get my stitches wet, although I did manage to unload and load the dishwasher and fold the three baskets of laundry he's been stepping over in the hall for the last week.

I did do something very exciting this morning though. I bought a new sewing machine! Finally, no more piece of crap 20 year old machine from Sears. It's like going from a go kart to a Mercedes. Hopefully soon I'll be able to actually play with it. Part of the excitement was that I earned the money myself from my sewing business (making weighted vests and blankets for sensory and autistic kids, on the piece of crap machine no less). And, I stayed in my budget but was still able to buy a Brother embroidery machine.

Let's see, what else. The Boy is being evaluated by a child psychologist this week. She was observing at preschool this morning and his teachers told me he was a freaking little angel. She wanted to know who we sent to school this morning because it was not our son. He actually sat in circle and raised his hand waiting to be called on. Apparently he's never done that before. Ever. Basically he was a perfect almost 4 year old this morning while she was there. The minute she walked out the door he turned in to a monster and had to be physically removed from the room.

He's so f'ing smart, and been evaluated so often, that he just assumed she was there for him and turned in to master manipulator. Can't wait to see how our eval at her office on Friday goes.

On the IF front, Lupron started yesterday. We paid for the cycle in December so the "tough" part is done. Since its a donor frozen embryo cycle I don't have to stim, just suppress with the Lupron and use estrogen patches after I get my Lupron period. I have a feeling that the transfer will be around PA's birthday, so we aren't planning a big party for him. My parents will be in for the weekend and we'll have the MIL over for the day. He still has Christmas presents he hasn't opened, so he won't be hurting in that area. Having a party for him is just too stressful right now, for him and me.

And that's about all my hand can take tonight.

4:18 and The Boy is still napping. Of course he'll wake at any moment now that I've put that I've actually written this. Well, I'll try to get something interesting on my blog here anyway.

And then, the phone rings.

And now it's 7:18 and I'll have to try again later.